Dateline

Dateline: "Do it. You'll have a crazy story to tell in the morning..."

Dateline: "Do it. You'll have a crazy story to tell in the morning..."

Any of us could have just asked, but that's not as fun.
Dateline: "He tells me most girls sleep with him on the first date."

Dateline: "He tells me most girls sleep with him on the first date."

"He’s moving out of the city in a month. We toast."
Dateline: "We met at an overly long outdoor concert"

Dateline: "We met at an overly long outdoor concert"

"We are in the shower together, and I have just told him that I'm a virgin.
Dateline

Dateline

"I'm heading out of the house in what I soon realize is my roommate's underwear."
Dateline: "She reveals that the backpack she brought contains a bounty of sex toys."

Dateline: "She reveals that the backpack she brought contains a bounty of sex toys."

"She is teasing me with a knife. Against all logic, I am not at all worried about this."
Dateline: "I suggest we move the make-out session to the bedroom."

Dateline: "I suggest we move the make-out session to the bedroom."

"We are kissing. I am drunk. Whee!"
Dateline: "He has yet to sink a ball... we are both terrible at pool."

Dateline: "He has yet to sink a ball... we are both terrible at pool."

"Half the shit he's told me about himself seems to conflict."
Dateline: "I'm out at 2 a.m. on a work night with a guy whose last name I couldn’t tell you, who pays for everything with huge wads of cash...."

Dateline: "I'm out at 2 a.m. on a work night with a guy whose last name I couldn’t tell you, who pays for everything with huge wads of cash...."

Speculate wildly on the identity of the pro athlete our narrator's out with!
Dateline: "I don't like fellatio tutorials on a first date..."

Dateline: "I don't like fellatio tutorials on a first date..."

Really, who would?
Dateline: "We’re making out, my body in a limbo position..."

Dateline: "We’re making out, my body in a limbo position..."

Will our narrator survive her last-call pickup?
Dateline: "This is for you. I got it in Dubai. I was thinking of you."

Dateline: "This is for you. I got it in Dubai. I was thinking of you."

Will our narrator live up to her date's wishes?
Dateline: "She looks at my red pants and asks, 'Could you invite me to your yacht club sometime?'"

Dateline: "She looks at my red pants and asks, 'Could you invite me to your yacht club sometime?'"

Will our narrator evade the bitingly class-conscious zingers of his lust object?
Dateline: "I decide I am going to be a good girl and not hook up with anyone this weekend..."

Dateline: "I decide I am going to be a good girl and not hook up with anyone this weekend..."

Will our narrator stay true to her vows?
Dateline: "We've never met. Our first date will be a weekend vacation in someone else's house..."

Dateline: "We've never met. Our first date will be a weekend vacation in someone else's house..."

Will our narrator and her internet flame hit it off in real life?
Dateline: "If I'd worked my way farther back towards sobriety, I might not be sitting on his bed..."

Dateline: "If I'd worked my way farther back towards sobriety, I might not be sitting on his bed..."

Will our narrator get to make out before he passes out?
Dateline: "I'm out with a hot Irish footballer..."

Dateline: "I'm out with a hot Irish footballer..."

Will our narrator score a goal, or get a red card? And other such puns.
Dateline: "He just made the smoothest invitation for sex ever..."

Dateline: "He just made the smoothest invitation for sex ever..."

Our narrator wonders if it can really be this easy.
Dateline: "That girl is <em>not</em> straight..."

not straight..."">Dateline: "That girl is not straight..."

Our narrator seeks female companionship in a gay bar.
Dateline: "His profile only had three pictures, two of which were of his cars..."

Dateline: "His profile only had three pictures, two of which were of his cars..."

Our narrator braces for a strange encounter.