Dateline: "Do it. You'll have a crazy story to tell in the morning…"
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11:00 p.m. – It is one of the first days of Spring, still a little nippy, and I don't want to venture far from my friend Anna's apartment in Williamsburg. We decide to go to one of the nearby bars that allows dogs on premises, which we both enjoy because we're recent NYC imports we miss our old pets.
12:30 a.m. – We meet up with my friend, Henry. "Let's have a low key night," I say. Apparently the way to have a "low key night" is to order picklebacks for the table.
12:45 – En route back to the back porch, Henry announces that he needs a smoke. I tell newly-single Henry to kill two birds with one stone and go flirt with one of the guys for a cigarette. Henry procures Ben, a German expatriate. Neither Anna, Henry nor I can tell if he's gay.
12:50 – I begin aggressively chatting up a pair of men sitting against the wall. They say they are musicians but I ask them what kinds of bands they listen to and they don't seem to know. I think they are bullshitting me with this musician schtick. Chicks dig musicians, right bra? I don't care, as long as I don't have to listen to them. Instead I challenge them to shuffleboard (and win, natch). Anna and Henry are smoking outside with Ben.
1:15 – We're leaving the bar. My shuffleboard friends don't want to come with, but Ben does. Ben, Henry, Anna and I decide to go to the local divey gay bar. Anna and I are both bi and Henry is gay so this is A-OK with us, but to be honest we're mostly going for the dancing. Gay bar dancing > straight bar dancing.
1:30 – Anna and I try to find some girls to hook up with while Henry and ambiguous sexuality Ben chat outside. It's a slow night though, and we want to see how Henry is doing, so we go back outside pretty quickly. Henry asks Anna and I to flirt with Ben to figure out if he's gay or not. Any of us could have just asked, but that's not as fun.
1:40 – The night has quickly devolved into learning how to say dirty things in German. I learn how to say, "Can I suck your cock?" "Kann ich deinen Schwanz lutschen?" "Yes," Ben says.
1:45 – Ben and I are getting a little PDA on the couch. One of the bartenders passing by our couch jokingly says, "You know this is a gay bar, right?" I frequently complain about straight girls going to gay bars so I actually feel kind of bad about this, even though she said it in jest. Clearly the solution is to have a quickie somewhere more private. Thank you, gender neutral bathrooms.
2:00 – Must. Have. Pancakes. After I check in with my friends, Ben and I go to the nearest diner and gorge.
2:45 – Problem– I live a couple hours away and Ben, who is visiting from Germany, is staying at a hostel. Ben wants me to ask Anna if we can stay at her place but this isn't Europe and I'm not about to have sex on my friend's couch. He dials a hotel, which I think is crazy, but they all appear to be full. Ben notices some guy with an ambiguous accent smoking outside and strikes up conversation about how strange America is. When Ben motions me outside, it turns out the pair have discussed our conundrum and the stranger has offered to let us use his apartment for a couple hours, since he's going to be staying with his girlfriend. I refuse; I'm not batshit insane. "Come on, you should do it," (still the well-dressed stranger speaking) "You'll have a great story to tell in the morning." How did he know? Crazy stories are my achilles heel, like Marty McFly and chicken-ery in Back To The Future. I know it's irresponsible, but the stranger has given us his keys and his phone number. It seems unlikely that he's got anything to be gained from this; I think he is just Swedish. If the apartment looks sketchy once Ben and I arrive, we can always leave. I don't do drugs, smoke, drink excessively or have unprotected sex; I figure I've earned some irresponsible behavior.
3:00 – We take a taxi over to the stranger's apartment. It's nice, with lots of books and soft sheets. Ben and I fool around for a little while but mostly end up talking about how weird it is that we're at a stranger's apartment with people we'll probably never see again. (Ben has to go back to Germany tomorrow.) We fall asleep talking.
5:00 – Ben and I call the stranger to give him back his keys. We kiss as he gets into his cab on the way back to his hostel to pack. I head down a flight of stairs for my train home.
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