Dateline: "God, he's just so damn hot!"
We're collecting stories about your most entertaining dates. Send your time-stamped dating stories to firstname.lastname@example.org; don't forget to include gender and age for you and your date.
5:30 p.m. - The backs of my thighs are sticking to the vinyl chair. I should have thought about that before I decided to wear such a short skirt. It's uncomfortable and I don't want it to make a fart sound when I get up.
5:45 - We're at happy hour in the swanky restaurant where I wait tables. I hate working happy hour, but I love drinking at it.
6:20 - Coworkers keep coming by, and I introduce my date over and over — I'm pretty excited to be on a date with someone this blatantly attractive.
7:00 - He's talking about the band he's in with his little brother and some friends. He's upset because a band that recently got kind of famous has a similar name. But his band is better.
7:15 - God, he's just so damn hot!
7:20 - He really wants me to listen to his band online. I tell him I will. His mouth is so pretty. It's the first thing I noticed when I met him at my brothers' band's concert. Followed by the rest of his face, and then the fact that he was talking to me. I'm still a little worried that he only wanted to hang out with me because he's a fan of my brothers. But honestly I don't care; I just want to kiss that mouth.
7:45 - We pay out and get up to leave but decide we aren't done hanging out yet. It's an early date because he has an hour drive home and school tomorrow. But there is still time.
8:00 - We decide to take a walk by the waterfront. It would be romantic if we weren't walking along the Cincinnati side of the slightly rancid Ohio River. As it is, we keep having to awkwardly ignore the sewage smells that waft by.
8:20 - He asks me about going to college in D.C. and my move back home. He wants to know what I do, creatively. Am I a musician like my brothers? Or an artist? I tell him I used to write in college but haven't really been doing much. I feel disappointing, or disappointed. I'm not sure which.
8:35 - I feel like I've been talking kind of incoherently for a while, but at least I haven't tripped at all yet. My eyes are pretty much glued to my feet as we walk along the rocks. I am extremely self-conscious about my self-consciousness. It's very meta, the way I can see myself acting like an idiot because I'm afraid of acting like an idiot, and this awareness only makes my behavior more odd.
9:00 - He thinks I'm cool. I'm starting to realize this as he responds enthusiastically to everything I'm saying. This could be because of my brothers. It could also be because I'm three years older than him. Whatever, I'm going with it.
9:15 - We head back to my house to hang out, driving separately because we met at the restaurant. On the way I sing loudly to the radio, emoting wildly. I need to work out this awkward energy!
9:35 - He is in my apartment. I give him the tour.
9:37 - We enter my bedroom. I say, "This is where the magic happens," because that's what I say to everyone. But then I feel weird about implying impending magic… until he puts his hands on my waist, pulls me towards him and kisses me.
9:39 - Holy crap! Holy crap! We are making out and I am shocked! I thought I was going to have to resort to my usual "move:" rambling for about twenty-five minutes until a guy either touches me or says he has to go.
9:55 - I catch myself worrying that he thinks I'm fat, and force myself to refocus on the awesome making out that's going on right now. Carpe diem, right?
10:45 - It's time for him to make his journey home. I'm kind of ready for that because honestly, it's time for me to get in my pajamas and process.
10:55 - We kiss at the door. He is smiling and he tells me he'll be back down in this area over the weekend. We'll meet up.
10:57 - I immediately text a friend ("We totally dry-humped!") and then go look up his band.