Dateline: "He asks me if I've ever seen Star Trek: The Next Generation..."

We're collecting stories about your most entertaining dates. Send your time-stamped dating stories to dateline@nerve.com; don't forget to include gender and age for you and your date.

Female, student, 22
with
Male, cook, 23

5:15 p.m. - I'm ladling chicken noodle soup into a cup at the cafe where I work. An old man who comes here every day and orders the same soup is telling me about his favorite soup. It's not chicken noodle. My phone buzzes in my pocket. My date has texted me, "Do you like spicy food?"

5:16 - I disappear into the back room to text my date back. "Yes!!! I'll steal some Orangina for you."

5:18 - He texts me back, "Orangina rules!" I think, perhaps a little presumptuously, that I have met my match made in food heaven.

7:30 - I change out of my work clothes, because they smell like old bagels. I put on eyeliner and lip balm, then put up my hair. I put it back down. I'm trying too hard, I think, as I smear men's deodorant on my armpits.

8:00 - I lock up the cafe and hop on my bike. I am excited, so I'm pedaling hard and playing air drums on my handlebars the whole way there.

8:30 - I get to his apartment a little sweaty, but I tell myself pheromones will only make him want me more. When I see him opening the door, I shout, "Hello," a little too loudly. He yells it back at me and we laugh.

8:31 - He introduces me to his roommates, who are watching TV and cutting vegetables for the curry he's making. Everyone is nice and cute and this makes me happy. He asks me to help him in the kitchen.

8:32 - He shows me how to make coconut rice. I watch him pour the milky contents of the can into the rice and note in my head how weirdly turned on I am. He offers me a spoonful. I blush. I'm suddenly nervous about eating in front of him.

9:00 - He sits next to me on the couch and we eat the (really spicy) curry and watch Futurama with his roommates. He finishes his, and even though it's really good, I can't force myself to eat even half of my bowl. It's too filling, and I'm still nervous. He offers to save it. I try not to read into what that means.

9:30 - His roommates leave the room, mentioning something about having to get up early in the morning. I know what's really up. He asks me if I've ever seen Star Trek: The Next Generation.

9:45 - He sidles up closer to me as Lieutenant Tasha Yar succumbs to some disease that makes her really horny. Pheromones, I think.

9:50 - We smoke a joint together and I wonder how I'm going to manage to bike home.

9:55 - I start to involuntarily cuddle with his shoulder. I remember that, in addition to making me horny, marijuana also makes me clumsy.

9:57 - He is smiling and sneaking peeks at me, but he won't kiss me. Why won't he kiss me?

10:00 - I kiss him, and a big smile spreads across his face. He kisses me back, still smiling. We are kissing. This is good.

10:15 - After much deliberation, compounded by stoned indecision, we move to the futon.

10:20 - He tells me he's had a crush on me for a long time. I tell him I used to think he was a weirdo bird enthusiast, not that there's anything wrong with that.

10:30 - I am afraid one of his roommates will walk in. I ask if we can move to his bedroom. 

10:45 - I don't think I have to worry about biking home high tonight.

Send your time-stamped dating stories to dateline@nerve.com; don't forget to include gender and age for you and your date. Need a date to write about? Meet someone on Nerve.

Tags Star Trek

Commentarium (18 Comments)

Jun 01 12 - 12:21am
Scott

This is definitely true.

Jun 02 12 - 10:56am
eo

word

Jun 01 12 - 1:57am
Cecilia

The cutest I´ve read so far.

Jun 01 12 - 2:28am
unsexy ferret

This was cute. Then I realized that the TNG episode they got busy to aired before either of them was born. Not cute anymore.

Jun 01 12 - 11:17am
Lore

I fail to see why that makes it no longer cute...

Jun 02 12 - 12:57pm
s

because it makes the ferret feel old.

Jun 01 12 - 11:36am
OMG!

Yar: You are fully functional, aren't you?
Data: Of course, but.
Yar: How fully?
Data: In every way, of course. I am programmed in multiple techniques, a broad variety of pleasuring.

Jun 01 12 - 9:54pm
nerkums

Of all the episodes to use to introduce a date to TNG!

Season 3 onwards, bro! Not that it hurt his chances, apparently.

Jun 02 12 - 12:09am
Thinkywritey

I wonder if the globs of comment-hate ladled on to more cocky Datelines have inspired an editorial change to these nerdier accounts.

Jun 02 12 - 1:17pm
Garvey

Doubt it. If the editors responded to every dose of hate-ladled comments they could never publish a thing. Love these datelines, keep them coming!

Jun 04 12 - 4:54pm
thinky

An excellent point.

Jun 05 12 - 2:16pm
JCB

I don't know if this one is better because it's "nerdier", or just because it sounds more like a normal date with normal people doing normal things (i.e. more relatable) and less like people trying too hard because they want their date to be published on Nerve (i.e. eating before a dinner date, running into a bush and throwing paper at people).

Jun 02 12 - 2:00pm
hahaha

Reminds me of the 'comfy couch' dateline. Both are cute, good job nerve!

Jun 03 12 - 12:04pm
lew

i liked this, and generally i hate everything, with few exceptions.

Jun 07 12 - 12:08pm
..::bEEp::..

Super-cute!

Jun 09 12 - 4:24pm
(including Whensa

So did you fuck? Take it in the ass? Swallow? We want details!

Jun 11 12 - 3:46pm
Tad

Cheers to these two! The fact that she was so incredibly down-to-earth and just had a good time staying in on a free date and hanging out makes me think this definitely didn't take place in New York :P

Jun 11 12 - 3:47pm
Tad

I just want to know if he shouted "Prepare to be boarded!"