Dateline: "He asks me if I've ever seen Star Trek: The Next Generation…"
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5:15 p.m. – I'm ladling chicken noodle soup into a cup at the cafe where I work. An old man who comes here every day and orders the same soup is telling me about his favorite soup. It's not chicken noodle. My phone buzzes in my pocket. My date has texted me, "Do you like spicy food?"
5:16 – I disappear into the back room to text my date back. "Yes!!! I'll steal some Orangina for you."
5:18 – He texts me back, "Orangina rules!" I think, perhaps a little presumptuously, that I have met my match made in food heaven.
7:30 – I change out of my work clothes, because they smell like old bagels. I put on eyeliner and lip balm, then put up my hair. I put it back down. I'm trying too hard, I think, as I smear men's deodorant on my armpits.
8:00 – I lock up the cafe and hop on my bike. I am excited, so I'm pedaling hard and playing air drums on my handlebars the whole way there.
8:30 – I get to his apartment a little sweaty, but I tell myself pheromones will only make him want me more. When I see him opening the door, I shout, "Hello," a little too loudly. He yells it back at me and we laugh.
8:31 – He introduces me to his roommates, who are watching TV and cutting vegetables for the curry he's making. Everyone is nice and cute and this makes me happy. He asks me to help him in the kitchen.
8:32 – He shows me how to make coconut rice. I watch him pour the milky contents of the can into the rice and note in my head how weirdly turned on I am. He offers me a spoonful. I blush. I'm suddenly nervous about eating in front of him.
9:00 – He sits next to me on the couch and we eat the (really spicy) curry and watch Futurama with his roommates. He finishes his, and even though it's really good, I can't force myself to eat even half of my bowl. It's too filling, and I'm still nervous. He offers to save it. I try not to read into what that means.
9:30 – His roommates leave the room, mentioning something about having to get up early in the morning. I know what's really up. He asks me if I've ever seen Star Trek: The Next Generation.
9:45 – He sidles up closer to me as Lieutenant Tasha Yar succumbs to some disease that makes her really horny. Pheromones, I think.
9:50 – We smoke a joint together and I wonder how I'm going to manage to bike home.
9:55 – I start to involuntarily cuddle with his shoulder. I remember that, in addition to making me horny, marijuana also makes me clumsy.
9:57 – He is smiling and sneaking peeks at me, but he won't kiss me. Why won't he kiss me?
10:00 – I kiss him, and a big smile spreads across his face. He kisses me back, still smiling. We are kissing. This is good.
10:15 – After much deliberation, compounded by stoned indecision, we move to the futon.
10:20 – He tells me he's had a crush on me for a long time. I tell him I used to think he was a weirdo bird enthusiast, not that there's anything wrong with that.
10:30 – I am afraid one of his roommates will walk in. I ask if we can move to his bedroom.
10:45 – I don't think I have to worry about biking home high tonight.