Dateline: "I am desperate to make a joke about something…"
We're collecting stories about your most entertaining dates. Send your time-stamped dating stories to firstname.lastname@example.org; don't forget to include gender and age for you and your date.
6:15 p.m. – I want to be on time. This guy told me he wanted to take me out to a nice dinner. He was very adamant about it, in a way that made me feel like I would be underprepared. He wouldn't tell me where we were going, so I called earlier in the day to see how I should dress. He said, "casual."
6:30 – I see him coming down the street towards me. He is wearing a suit and tie with a long black jacket. Not casual. I am in my "dress jeans."
6:32 – He tells me I look sexy and I feel weird. Should I be looking sexy at a nice dinner? That doesn't seem appropriate.
6:37 – We're walking to the main drag of University Ave. I know this area, and I just can't imagine where we are headed. There's the Foster's Freeze ice cream hut, but that can't be it. He won't tell me how much further it is and I'm trying to just go with it, to not be annoyed. But it is kind of annoying.
6:45 – We walk up to an Italian restaurant. He opens the door for me with quite the self-satisfied look.
6:48 – The hostess leads us to the table. He tells me he wants to sit next to me so he can "show me off." "Um, okay?" We sit down, both at the same side of the table.
6:49 – I notice for the first time that the detailed gold trimming on the side of his glasses is actually a partly coiled snake.
7:00 – "I love that people are staring at us because we're an interracial couple," he says. We are not a couple. I wonder if they're staring at us because we're sitting on the same side of the table. Or because we're a good twenty years younger than everyone else in here.
7:07 – The server grinds our pepper. I am also a server who grinds pepper, and fanciness has always made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I would secretly rather be at the Nation's Giant Burger I can see glowing across the street.
7:40 – I have not laughed once. Not even a fake laugh.
7:43 – I am desperate to make a joke about something. I look around for something, anything. The décor is an "outdoor in an Italian villa" look, with a fountain and fake window shutters on the wall. There is also a clothesline hung through the restaurant, with a variety of lingerie attached.
7:44 – "What do you think they would do if I just grabbed that lingerie and ran out?" It's not that funny, but he could at least crack a smile. Nope. Instead he says, "I'd like to see you in that lingerie." And now I laugh.
8:12 – We walk back to where I parked my car, holding hands. He is talking about how nice a time he had. I am thinking about eating my leftovers tomorrow.
8:20 – We make out leaning up against my car. I initiate, although I'm not really interested. He backs up and says he has to get home. And that he wants to "leave me wanting more." I don't.