Dateline: "I've got a great comfy couch!"

We're collecting stories about your most entertaining dates. Send your time-stamped dating stories to dateline@nerve.com; don't forget to include gender and age for you and your date.

Male, 30, Artist
with
Female, 27, Hostess

7:33 p.m. - She calls to say she's running late, but doesn't want to cancel like last week when she had to cover a double shift. "Finally, that jackass" — her boss, who just turned twenty-one — "hired more girls, and I don't have to cover again this weekend. But, change of plans. Meet me at the gas station on the corner of Carrier Dr. in a half hour."

8:05 - Pull into a 7-11; go inside for a bottle of water, wintergreen mints, and a lotto ticket.

8:20 - She sends a txt: "Sorryalmostthere :)." I pop a mint.

8:27 - I walk over to her car and see she's still in her uniform. By now I doubt we'll make it to the movie theatre in time to see the movie, so I offer dinner and a drink, or a rain check if tonight is just a bad night. After a few moments of thought, she counters, "Well, as much as I'd love to cancel just to get out of these clothes and take a shower, how about you just follow me home and we do dinner and Netflix? I've got a great comfy couch!" I say sure, why not?

8:35 - I follow her through a winding labyrinth of Orlando subdivision streets.

8:55 - We pull up to her place; I park under a tree in the front yard. There's another car already in her driveway; seeing my cautious glance, she tells me that it's her roommate's car, and her roommate's already away for the weekend. I nod and follow her into the house. After a short tour, she hands me a stack of delivery menus and says, "Surprise me!"

9:15 - I've ordered food. The shower's off, and I can hear her humming a tune while she's getting dressed. I tell her dinner will be here in probably a half-hour, and she tells me me to turn on the DVD player, saying, "There's a really chilled-out movie called Baraka — have you seen it?"

9:17 - I see that the Baraka disc is on top of the table next to the player, so, curious, I turn on the player and press play. Annnd, hardcore porn. "I think your roommate switched your movie."

9:18 - "Let me guess — porn?" She comes into the living room laughing, and we turn the radio on instead. I tell her she looks really nice. Actually, she looks stunning.

10:05 - The food arrives; I tip the driver, and surprise her with Chinese.

10:15 - Radio off, lights off, bunch of candles lit, a fifty-gallon fish tank glowing, Chinese containers spread across the coffee table, beer in a little tub she's filled with ice, we sit down to watch a movie on Netflix, leaving the porn-haunted DVD player off.

10:20 - Chowing down on dinner, we decide on un film de Almodovar, giggling at all the Spanish abuelitas dressed as babushkas. I've seen the film (Volver); it reminds me of the kind of family I wish I'd grown up with. I tell her the condensed version of my family history — only child, both parents married four times each, both dead, close to mother, despised father. She tells me her version, featuring fewer marriages, more love, and more family members. She's shocked when I tell her I have no other relatives, not even distant ones.

10:45 - Prompted by a scene in the movie, she tells me how her mom helped a friend once with an alibi when her friend's husband was found murdered. She looks at me seriously and says, "It's always good to know who you can trust." I smile and nod, partly because this is true and partly because I'm trying not to look creeped out.

11:30 - She lies back against the arm of the couch, and crosses her feet, resting them on my lap, and asks, "Want to roll us a joint?"

11:40 - The two of us thoroughly into a good high, she tells me to kick off my shoes, so I do and feel completely relaxed on her couch. She was right. It is a really comfy couch.

12:20Volver is ending, and we get hypnotized by the music and the patterns in the credits, both of us exclaiming how we'd love to escape the tourism of Orlando and go live wherever they shot the movie.

12:30 - We stepped onto her screened porch. Feeling the cool breeze and smelling the orange blossoms, she tells me this was better than any date we could have had in the movie theatre. I agree. Despite the smorgasbord of Chinese we decimated on the coffee table, she tells me she has the munchies. We go back inside.

12:33 - She comes around the kitchen bar wearing two glazed doughnuts on her index finger, and imitates Seth Rogen saying "It's anal-probing time!" And, without breaking character, laughs, sounding exactly like Rogen. (Thankfully, I have seen the movie Paul, or I think I would be confused at best.) I decide I definitely want a second date, and possibly a third.

12:40 - We finish our dessert munchies, and while absentmindedly licking glaze off her fingers, she looks over at me and asks, "So, do you think you want to stay the night? The couch makes a great bed." I say that yes, if I left now I would probably just get lost in her subdivision.

12:41 - She tells me to go ahead and roll another joint. Then she reaches over and turns on the DVD player.

Send your time-stamped dating stories to dateline@nerve.com; don't forget to include gender and age for you and your date. Need a date to write about? Check out Nerve Dating.

Commentarium (27 Comments)

May 01 12 - 12:07am
cunthill

What kind of artists does Orlando cultivate? Is it so awful its like authentic and cool?

May 01 12 - 10:38pm
The Dude

Orlando is certainly not a cultural center like New York or Paris, but apparently artists down there are authentic and cool enough know better than to live on a hill full of C%nts.

Looks like the artist was good enough to catch New York eyes. Not bad.

Good Series Nerve.

May 01 12 - 12:24am
v

Finally someone gets laid in one of these Datelines!

May 01 12 - 9:35am
Guest

HAHAHHAHA. but, so true.

May 01 12 - 10:57am
Ditto

Word. Nice build up. Fun story.

May 01 12 - 11:40am
meola

Technically, no one got laid in this story. Maybe they watched porn and fell asleep.

May 01 12 - 8:57pm
Eric

"The couch makes a great bed" is the definition of not getting laid.

May 01 12 - 10:31pm
v

Yes, if you stop reading there, you can assume it makes a great bed for one.

May 03 12 - 5:30am
sigtunafish

Yes, Eric, if you assume that when she suggested he roll another joint and then turned on the DVD player with the PORN in it she had nothing particular in mind.

May 01 12 - 4:12am
Ariel

Great story. Almost makes me wish I was single again just to have that kind of an evening with someone I'm still getting to know. (Although it definitely still happens with my husband)

May 01 12 - 6:28am
Cecilia

I really liked it, but I have to say that Baraka is AMAZING.

May 01 12 - 12:18pm
Sean Morrow

Baraka is amazing, and there's a "sequel," coming out.-- http://www.spiritofbaraka.com/samsara

May 01 12 - 7:31am
f

Quite cool sounding, but actual people put porn at the end of a first date to initiate sex? Now I feel like a blushing debutante...

May 01 12 - 10:27am
Ditto

I love this series.

May 01 12 - 10:33am
Ugh

I don't get it...

May 01 12 - 10:56pm
skeezSOS

oi, wanker
go on a date one day when you grow up, then ya will get it

May 01 12 - 10:36am
CH

This would be a million times better if the porn they watched wasn't 'hardcore'. It seemed strangely sweet till then..

May 01 12 - 11:50am
KH

I think it's still sweet. She liked him, she trusted him, and "hardcore" just means that people are on screen having sex; it doesn't have to indicate pain or brutality. Very nice, believable date.

May 01 12 - 1:17pm
CH

Excellent, I didn't actually know that, I assumed it meant violent horrific sex! Thanks :)

May 01 12 - 4:55pm
sigtunafish

Amazing story beautifully written, seemed very real with the little details. I hope it was. Also, a great ending. Did not see that coming.

May 03 12 - 1:46pm
meh

I could never understand why anyone would spend their first date in a dark room surrounded by obnoxious strangers texting and random people running in and out of the theater. Netflix, delivery and a comfy couch sound like a much better way to go.

May 03 12 - 4:07pm
src

Agreed, and the girl was very chill. Yet he sounded so dubious through most of the date.

May 09 12 - 4:36am
agree with meh

sound infinitely better than most dates right now.

May 06 12 - 9:48pm
Jim m giblin

Was my GirLFrend Kirsten I want her back Think going do it to , go new place buy Flowers kind!S get
Tow Sox tekits game sox game know sound casey but ti said her Facebook profile my girl like
Love Baseball this be a easy one wants go with Me , not if could Just a Firend Amy is other know high
School to . Hope likes Baseball . Jim think this is very good idea now all do Figer out where kisRsten place is new adesrss. Jim . Giblin

May 09 12 - 5:15am
wtf?

creepy dude.
sure there is some weird coded message with your typing skills,
just not going to bother trying to figure it out.

May 08 12 - 9:39am
DraperLover

to SRC

I think this story or date, which-ever-it-is was kind of sweet really. I agree that the girl was 'chill', but I believe that could probably label any girl who apparently keeps her stash in a living room.

But think you were probably off little about the guy. Dubious is could mean he was hesitant, like since he didn't take off his shoes till he was well relaxed, but if you thought he was suspect or questionable, where did that come from?

If I had to blow a guy off for work on the first date, I wouldn't generally expect him to be lined up for another, let alone have much confidence if I was running late like the girl he was willing to let off the hook and reschedule because she had a long day. That is kinda of classy in my book.

Makes me wonder what kind of shifty guys burned you in the past, or if your just dubious yourself.

May 08 12 - 9:51am
not bad

Definitely think this is one of the better series you have cooked up at Nerve. And think this Date was better than some of the other. Thought the anal probing was a cute anecdote.

C.