Dateline: "The third stalkeriest thing I've ever done..."

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Male, 21, college student
with
Female, 21, college student

10:00 p.m. - It's Friday night, but I have to get some writing done for an assignment due Saturday morning, because the professor is a dick.

2:15 a.m. - I finish. I know the night is winding down, but I'm full of energy drinks and I want to be able to enjoy at least a little bit of Friday night, so I roll a joint and go for a walk. 

2:20 - I'm walking to my sacred spot when I pass by one of the dorms and, in the third stalkeriest thing I've ever done, I notice that the dorm-room light of a female acquaintance I have a crush on is still lit. 

2:21 - I text her, "hey you still up? i was about to go on a joint-walk, come with me."

2:22 - I scurry away from the area near her dorm, to one of the mini-greens around campus.

2:24 - She responds. Before I even read it, I decide it's a good sign that she responded within three minutes.

2:25 - I read it: "Sure? Where are you?" I think, "Don't say 'near your window.' Don't say 'near your window.' Don't say 'near your window.'"

2:26 - "Just went to the late-night caf to grab a taco, they were closed though. I'll come pick you up? Where do you live again?" And that's why they call me Mr. Smooth.

2:28 - I meet her at the door of her dorm, and she comes out.

2:29 - I ask if she did anything interesting tonight, and she says she just hung out. Eventually, I get her to admit that she was playing Super Smash Bros. and was embarrassed about it. I enjoy this tidbit.

2:32 - We walk to my spot and sit on the grass and light up. 

2:33 - We talk about Super Smash Bros. for awhile. I determine that I'm probably better than her at it.

2:35 - She compliments my joint rolling skills; all my practice finally paid off!

2:37 - I am really high. I can't tell if she is. She wrinkles her nose a lot, and I like that. 

2:45 - We talk about silly things till the joint burns down. 

2:46 - She asks if I want to take a jaunt around campus. I love the word "jaunt," so I say yes. 

2:47 - As we jaunt, she asks if I often ask girls to go smoke weed and walk around aimlessly at two a.m., and I respond, "Am I supposed to?" She laughs at me. At.

2:50 - We see a squirrel and debate whether it's the first time we've seen a squirrel at night before. She claims she has, and I argue she hasn't. She claims she knows her memories better than me. I disagree.

2:51 - We mutually decide that it's convenience-store time, and start walking to the twenty-four-hour place down the street.

2:52 - We discover "literally the perfect sitting tree," and sit at the trunk. She kisses me on the neck, and stares at me expectantly. I'm high and socially disadvantaged in general, so I just kind of giggle.

2:53 - She helps the disabled and starts making out with me. I stop her and ask if she was drinking before I picked her up, and she says no, she was just playing Super Smash Bros. I internally debate externally debating her on the mutual exclusivity of the two activities, but opt to kiss her again instead. 

3:00 - She suggests we forgo the convenience store, and go back to her place because she has duck ravioli. 

3:01 - I remember being excited for this, but I don't remember if it was because I thought I was going to get laid, or because, duck ravioli! 

3:10 - We get back to her place, and someone's stolen the ravioli out of the dorm refrigerator. 

3:11 - We lie down in her bed, and eat chips. Lots and lots of chips. We just eat chips and talk, and decide we want to stay up and see the sunrise. We start trying to figure out when sunrise is, but start making out again by mistake. 

4:00 - We both doze off and literally, and only literally, sleep together. Morning will bring an awesome breakfast at the local greasy spoon, but I still kind of want those ravioli.

Send your time-stamped dating stories to dateline@nerve.com; don't forget to include gender and age for you and your date. Need a date to write about? Check out Nerve Dating.

Commentarium (25 Comments)

Apr 24 12 - 1:04am
:)

Yayyyyy! I love this one!

Apr 24 12 - 2:03am
J

this is super cute...

Apr 24 12 - 2:40am
Ariel

That was lovely and entertaining. Thanks!

Apr 24 12 - 7:13am
George

I fully agree!

Apr 24 12 - 9:26am
JCF

But DID YOU GET YOUR ASSIGNMENT TURNED IN??? :-)

Apr 24 12 - 3:00pm
notfrench

THE ESSENTIAL QUESTION!!!!!! haha

Jun 19 12 - 8:50am
hello?

and did they actually get to see the sunrise??

Apr 24 12 - 10:24am
cma

Sweet!

Apr 24 12 - 12:34pm
Kate G

YAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Apr 24 12 - 12:40pm
Cpt.Douchenozzle

2:33 - We talk about Super Smash Bros. for awhile. I determine that I'm probably better than her at it.
Best. Line. Ever.

Apr 24 12 - 12:45pm
aa

Pretty sure any reference to Nintendo is a win for a college guy.

Apr 24 12 - 12:47pm
bro

i was so torn over those ravioli bro, thats fucked up who would do that

Apr 24 12 - 11:01pm
student

as the well known fridge rule states: No Name, Free Game. or it was some sick, demented psycho.

Apr 25 12 - 10:09pm
tearing

yo, I shed 3 silent tears, how many did you shed?

Apr 24 12 - 2:42pm
hmm

I laughed a lot while reading this... thanks

Apr 24 12 - 3:20pm
Riley

What were he first and second stalkeriest things he's done?

Apr 24 12 - 8:14pm
lora c

basically perfect

Apr 24 12 - 8:31pm
r/trees

"3:01 - I remember being excited for this, but I don't remember if it was because I thought I was going to get laid, or because, duck ravioli!" ... Easily the duck ravioli

Apr 24 12 - 8:38pm
Anna

I loved both the story and most of the comments here.

Apr 24 12 - 8:49pm
js

this is so great. hats off for being awesome

Apr 25 12 - 2:38am
meh

mmmmmmm Duck Ravioli!

Apr 26 12 - 12:06am
Anon

It's neat because it seems like late night texts to your crush rarely work out like that...

Apr 26 12 - 10:02pm
Robert

To fuck, or duck? That is the question.

Apr 27 12 - 1:16pm
lilu

HAHAHAHA

May 02 12 - 6:05pm
MS

My favourite Dateline thus far! My favourite lines:

She helps the disabled and starts making out with me. I stop her and ask if she was drinking before I picked her up, and she says no, she was just playing Super Smash Bros. I internally debate externally debating her on the mutual exclusivity of the two activities, but opt to kiss her again instead.