Dateline

Dateline: "Stylish green dress, great figure..."

Dateline: "Stylish green dress, great figure..."

Our narrator fights off an uninvited guest.
Dateline: "He's already gone through the trouble of completely undressing me..."

Dateline: "He's already gone through the trouble of completely undressing me..."

Our narrator reflects on arbitrary moral boundaries.
Dateline: "I explain to him that rappers care about the things that matter most in life..."

Dateline: "I explain to him that rappers care about the things that matter most in life..."

Our narrator and her date bond over career ambitions.
Dateline: "The way he says, 'What you want?' makes my nether regions quiver, even though it's grammatically incorrect..."

Dateline: "The way he says, 'What you want?' makes my nether regions quiver, even though it's grammatically incorrect..."

Our narrator can feel it, coming in the air tonight.
Dateline: "We collapse onto her distinctly-not-a-futon mattress..."

Dateline: "We collapse onto her distinctly-not-a-futon mattress..."

Futons are the worst.
Dateline: "I'm instantly turned on when he speaks to the waiter in rapid-fire Italian."

Dateline: "I'm instantly turned on when he speaks to the waiter in rapid-fire Italian."

Will the language barrier prove at once arousing and bewildering for our narrator?
Dateline: "I pretend to have just noticed that he's here..."

Dateline: "I pretend to have just noticed that he's here..."

Will our narrator leave her old flame stranded on the other side of the bar?
Dateline: "I've lost track of my drink count, and he's here... with his mom."

Dateline: "I've lost track of my drink count, and he's here... with his mom."

Will our narrator avert a Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot scenario?
Dateline: "She straddles me. I take her top off."

Dateline: "She straddles me. I take her top off."

Is it getting hot in here?
Dateline: "In a moment of moxie, I threw my number into a handsome musician's guitar case..."

Dateline: "In a moment of moxie, I threw my number into a handsome musician's guitar case..."

Will our narrator and her new friend make beautiful music together?
Dateline: "I bet sex with him would be a lot of fun..."

Dateline: "I bet sex with him would be a lot of fun..."

Will our heroine get over her ex-boyfriend by getting under her date?
Dateline: "He looks amazing, as usual, but I can see there's something on his face..."

Dateline: "He looks amazing, as usual, but I can see there's something on his face..."

Will our heroine be able to get over her date's facial-hair experiments?
Dateline: "He asks me if I've ever seen Star Trek: The Next Generation..."

Dateline: "He asks me if I've ever seen Star Trek: The Next Generation..."

A sci-fi-filled Dateline, replete with pheromones, Lt. Tasha Yar, and... coconut rice?
Dateline: "I fold up the paper, throw it at him, and run away to some nearby bushes..."

Dateline: "I fold up the paper, throw it at him, and run away to some nearby bushes..."

Will this skittish girl's date be able to overcome her natural tendency to bolt?
Dateline: "I seem to be winning points simply for being an inept date..."

Dateline: "I seem to be winning points simply for being an inept date..."

Will our narrator blunder his way into his date's affections?
Dateline: "God, he's just so damn hot!"

Dateline: "God, he's just so damn hot!"

Will our narrator psych herself out in the face of her date's... face?
Dateline: "I have no recollection of what she looks or sounds like..."

Dateline: "I have no recollection of what she looks or sounds like..."

If you meet someone while wasted in Maryland, what are the chances you'll get along a week later?
Dateline: "I'm not awake enough to handle this..."

Dateline: "I'm not awake enough to handle this..."

How will our mild-mannered hero fare against eight drunk firemen?
Dateline: "Karaoke. All of my anxieties in one."

Dateline: "Karaoke. All of my anxieties in one."

Will our hero impress his lovely date, when he hasn't even warmed up the pipes?
Dateline: "It might be the ridiculously short skirt and knee-high boots..."

Dateline: "It might be the ridiculously short skirt and knee-high boots..."

At a crowded bar, will our narrator find love — or even a table?