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19. Water polo
You’d think a more naked, wetter version of rugby would be sexier than the original product, but somehow the lack of athletes covered in dirt and grime just really kills the experience.
We just love being manhandled.
Insert “stamina” joke here.
Way sexier than regular boxing, if only because the Olympics are the closest we’ll ever get to fulfilling our personal fantasy of faithfully recreating Punch-Out!!’s international cavalcade of stereotypes.
Competitive bouncing. It’s the Olympic event every teenager dreams of.
Powerful enough to make Roger Federer seem sexy.
13. Track and road cycling
The combination of aerodynamics and enormous quads reaps enormous dividends in sexiness.
Whether it’s the triple-jump, the high jump, or the long jump, these human kangaroos are undeniably sexy. Wait, did we just make it weird?
You show me someone who’s not turned on by a person roundhouse kicking another person in the face and I’ll show you a filthy liar.
10. Field hockey
There’s just something about girls with clubs that really works for us.