Everyone Ive Ever Had Sex With

Everyone I’ve Ever Had Sex With: Female, 32, Minnesota

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Henry was a blind date over Valentine’s weekend my freshman year in college. Looking back on it now, I wonder if I had been blind to give this loser my virginity. He was tall and rather oafish, and not very remarkable below the belt. Henry was also my first anal experience. Despite this, we had a long distance relationship for two months. Turns out he was cheating on me with his high school girlfriend the entire time.

Oh Matthew. Sweet, naive Matthew. We met at a party, started talking about fishing, phone numbers were exchanged. Matthew was old-fashioned about the dating and courtship ritual: he insisted on paying for everything, held doors open, the works. I took his virginity and was he ever a fast learner! He was definitely up for all locations: ice house, in the lake, in his truck, hayloft, etc. After dating for almost a year, however, I felt like the connection was gone and decided to break up with him. He didn’t take it well, resorting to stalking for a number of months afterwards.

James was a smooth talker. He was also married to Matthew’s oldest sister and had a son with her…and a daughter with Matthew’s other sister. Did I mention he was a smooth talker? We began a torrid relationship, having sex on a near daily basis. James was great with his fingers and his tongue, but when it came to the nitty gritty, he was small and had very little stamina.

We became friends online and chatted often. Eventually we agreed to meet in person for a weekend rendezvous. Enos was older than he had told me initially, but he made up for that in bed.

Duncan was a perv that made me laugh. I had just gotten my tongue pierced, and my friend already had hers done. We were at the bar for St. Patrick’s Day with a group of friends and the discussion turned to the color of our balls. Nothing good can come from that. After closing the party, we moved to Duncan’s house, where it became more of an orgy. Duncan was the first man to make me unable to walk afterwards. I saw him one other time a few months later, and then we drifted apart.

The brother of one of my closest friends. My friend, sister, and I were at a bonfire at his house, and I mentioned that I wouldn’t say no if he asked me to screw. She told him that, and he asked me to come inside. It was more amazing funny than just plain amazing sex, but it still makes me smile thinking about it.

Not much can be said for Al. However, he did introduce me to a local pizza parlor that is to die for.

Joe was the mistake I married. It was definitely a rush-job that should have been set in Vegas. We met in early July, got married in late July, and got pregnant in August. A few months later, I caught him in our bed with a pharmaceutical rep that supplied the company he worked for. Instead of being smart and dumping his sorry ass, I wanted our unborn child to have both parents, so I went along when he suggested an open marriage. I maintained that stupidity for almost 5 years.

James (again)
I would end up seeing James off and on over the five years of the marriage and a little bit afterwards as well.

Cameron was the start of many random bar hookups after the baby was born. He introduced me to fisting and only wanted anal. I ended up sneaking out of his apartment after he fell asleep.

Enos (again)
Enos was passing through on business and called me. It was exquisite to see him again, and he had not lost his touch in the bedroom. I haven’t seen him since that visit, but we maintain a close friendship online.

Henry #2:
Henry #2 very well may have been the one who got away. We had been casual friends in high school and bumped into each other one night at the bar. After sitting and chatting for a couple hours, we ended up getting a room and continued catching up in between rounds of lovemaking. We saw each other off and on throughout the year.

The only memorable thing about Blue is he went down on me so hard he gave himself a bloody nose.

Marcus has the distinction of being my first African American lover. He was slow and sensual and knew just how to please me in bed. Out of bed, we had no connection. I never heard from him after that night.

The optometrist who couldn’t ejaculate. He asked me to his hotel room (he had just moved to the area and didn’t have a place yet) after a concert and we were mid coitus when he let that little bomb fall. After that, the drunk wore off fast and I left. We stayed in contact off and on until he moved away a year later.

Fred had been a co-worker of Joe’s and was still friends with him. We ended up growing close over the summer after helping with a local theater production and the relationship lasted into the fall. He introduced me to Grady and Earl, as well as the first time I tried pot, which ended up not being my thing. I do miss cuddling with Fred sometimes.

Grady and Earl
My first threesome, which occurred at Fred’s place after a drunken game of strip poker.

Mike and Ike
My second three some. Both are military men who were shipped overseas not long after that night. I’d known Mike growing up and still see him around, but haven’t heard about Ike since.

Joe (final time)
The last time Joe and I had sex before the divorce was when he was on the phone with his mother. God, I hated that woman. Honestly, Joe couldn’t do anything without his parents holding his hand. Makes sense that he was a 28-year-old virgin still living at home when we got married. And that was our last time having sex, and the end of any open relationships for me.

Another military man. A co-worker set me up with Jake shortly after Joe and I separated, while his unit was in our area for disaster relief. The first week was intense, lots of sex, talking, and drinking. Jake was huge, and he knew how to please me in bed. He was also a nipper; my chest was bruised for a week after he left. He lived about four hours away. Two different weekends I drove to visit him, which resulted in lots of sex. I ended up breaking up with him a few months later after he accused me of cheating on him one day, then proclaiming his love the next, and repeating that every few days. Despite the sex, I don’t miss the cad.

Elwood was a mistake. A widower that married young, lost his wife young, and never grew up. He fancied himself a drummer, let his kids run all over him, and thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. His next few girlfriends after me were even younger than his 46 years.

Mason is the best thing that ever happened to me. He and I had met at work three years prior and had been platonically friendly. He offered a helping hand while I renovated the main floor of my house. Our first date was a low-key movie night, and we just clicked. We’ve been together for 5 years now, and I can’t see myself with anyone else.