Love & Sex

Everyone I’ve Ever Had Sex With: Female, 24, Melbourne

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Everyone I've Ever Had Sex With: Female, 24, Melbourne

I wasn’t sure if I liked him or just wanted to hump his brains out. 

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The first time.

I was only just 16 and a few of my friends had tried it. I had a boyfriend at the time and I had not even considered having sex with him. He was 19, and I was in love with his friend. We did it at his friend's house, it hurt and I didn’t like it. In fact, I was convinced I never wanted to do it again. So I ended our relationship via text.

The time that made me realise it wasn’t so bad

I met this guy who was a friend of my best friend. He was totally in love with me from the first time he saw me – unbeknownst to me cause I was still fat and awkward and didn’t think any remotely good-looking guy would ever be interested. I was 17 and he was the first guy who went out of his way to impress me, taking me on dates etc. We ended up dating and he was always super keen to go down on me. I loved it. He undid the curse of my ‘cock fright’ and helped me start exploring my sexuality. I couldn’t get enough of sex with him.

Eventually, he broke my heart.

The time I had my first one night stand

Self-confidence plummeted after the heartbreak from boyfriend number two, so I got drunk twice every weekend, and went to the local with some girlfriends. The goal was to make out with as many guys as I could until one night that turned out to be someone I worked with who I didn’t know (I worked in a department store). When he invited me back to his, I said yes. He had a tiny penis and I never wanted anyone to know that we banged.

The time that it got boring

Still 17, new boyfriend. We went out for almost three years. That was three years of a boring, monotonous relationship and average, Speedy Gonzalez sex. He was a great guy but we would have been much better off staying as friends.

The time I split my friendship circle in two

There was this girl in my friendship group who was delusional when it came to guys, and we had both ‘dabbled’ with the same guys from time to time. It had never been a problem until she found out that I slept with one of them in some drunken state. According to her, that was her ex. According to him, she was a psycho. I tended to believe the latter having been familiar with their story before.

All hell broke loose amongst our long-standing friends group of nine with Facebook fights, abusive phonecalls and threatening text messages. I didn’t actually get involved in that part of it, but inevitably, everyone took sides which caused half the commotion.

It wasn’t even worth it. He got whiskey dick after like 5 minutes, so I rolled over and went to sleep without even saying a word. Later in the night, he tried again while I was sleeping. I played dead so he’d stop.

The time I told myself I could pull off FWB 

I was 21 and working in a new administration job in the wholesale car industry.

There was a hot customer I used to shamelessly flirt with. One thing led to another and next minute we were on what I thought was a date. But then before I knew what had happened, I was at his beck and call for sex. He got me into different positions and was the kind of guy that would see you falling over as an opportunity to get his face between your legs. I liked him but knew he was still totally into his ex. I kept telling myself I was fine to keep sleeping with him. He lived about an hour from me and I would pretty much burst into tears the second I’d leave his place and continue for most of the drive home.

I resorted to drunk-texting him my feelings. I got no response except the old ‘hey, someone was drunk last night!’ I moved on.

The time I found out the meaning of ‘long and thin and too far in’

I’d been seeing this guy who I was really keen on. We finally did it after we’d been dating for a few weeks and it was disappointing. His dick was super skinny and he didn’t use it well.

The time that good sex made me act crazy

22. New boyfriend – younger than me. Amazing sex. I’m almost 25 now and this sex is going to be the death of me (and him). The relationship was on-off. I think things could work with us perhaps in the future but he is just a bit immature. Lately we have been trying to be ‘just friends’, but we can’t keep our hands off each other. Because we shouldn’t do it, that’s just making it hotter. Doggie, on walls, in the shower, reverse cowgirl, scratching, biting and lots of dirty talk.

The time that I did it with a good friend

During one of the aforementioned off periods with my ex, I went away for the weekend and was staying with a guy friend who I guess I had never thought of as more than a friend.

The night before I flew home, we’d had a great night out and I was insanely drunk. We were walking home and he kissed me. I decided that was ok and by the time we got home, we had some insane drunk sex. I’m not really clear on any of the details but I vaguely remember him licking my ass. I didn’t reciprocate.

The time that I did it with someone with one testicle

Again, during an off period with my ex, I met this guy while I was out at a club with some girlfriends. I was feeling super confident that night and decided I would ask him to come home with me but I was so drunk that we only snuggled. We started hanging out a heap really fast and I worked out quickly he liked me but I was still hung up on my ex and wasn’t sure if I liked him or just wanted to hump his brains out. I think he was taking things slow but I just got frustrated with that and started overthinking why he wasn’t trying to sleep with me. In the end, we did end up having sex (and my bestie got his brother the same night, score!) and I realized he had perhaps been shy because he only had one testicle, which made no difference at all. I ended up realizing I did like him but I was a bit too late, as he’d worked out I was in no state to date again.

The time my friend sent a text from my phone and it ended in sex

My best girlfriend and I had been out and I was well and truly drunk. I mentioned to her that I wanted sex (in my head knowing I meant with my ex) and so she took it upon herself to text a guy from my phone that I’d hooked up with not long before and invite him over.

He was a one-minute man and took it upon himself to stay the night. I never spoke to him again; despite all the times he’s tried to talk to me since.

The time I didn’t remember his name

After my housemates birthday party, we went out clubbing. I hooked up with a good-looking guy and invited him back to my place. I had ingested a ridiculous amount of alcohol, and was probably pretty average at sex. I remember getting some good head and passing out. I woke up and sent a Snap Chat to some friends asking them to tell me this dude's name. I ended up stealing his wallet while he was sleeping to find out his name. I kicked him out by telling him my parents were coming over and he told me to text him sometime. I had actually planned on it but as it turns out, in my drunken state I hadn’t saved his number in my phone and just pressed cancel. I saw him a few weeks ago and he wouldn’t talk to me. My bad.