Cori

She was a cute little pixie with long blonde hair who spoke Japanese in bed. She only let me fuck her a few times before she broke things off stating, "I'm not really that into girls."

Silas (again)

I went to visit him over a long holiday road trip. The sex was boring, and then he whispered, "I still love you," in my ear. I definitely did not feel the same way.

Karen

I fucked her in the bathroom stall at a bar the night I drafted her to my derby team. I was her captain, which meant this was against the rules. I never touched her again, but we're still good friends.

EJ

I was totally in love with this guy, but he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and was very wary of getting involved with me. I got him to fuck me a couple of times, but mostly it was just making out and heavy petting after smoking copious amounts of weed.

Megan

I slept with her a few times while she was cheating on her long-distance girlfriend. Eventually her friends started whispering things about immorality in her ear and she broke it off.

The British One-Night Stand

I got pretty drunk and took this guy home from the bar. We had pathetic drunk sex and then he left when I drunkenly started to imitate his accent.

Jacob

Yet another coworker. I liked sleeping with him because he was kinky and had a Sybian, but he was emotionally unbalanced and had self-esteem problems.

Aidan

Jacob's best friend. I started sleeping with him behind Jacob's back, and dated them both simultaneously for several months. Aidan was entirely aware of the situation, but Jacob was not. Aidan had only been with one other girl, and he got very attached to me very quickly. I broke up with him the same day that he gave me an iPod for no particular reason, which was exactly a week after I broke it off with his best friend Jacob.

Kim

We dated for a summer. She was only a few years younger than me, but way less experienced in life and self-sufficiency. I helped her move from her third floor walk-up to a fourth floor walk-up. Not one of her friends showed up to help her move, and I ended up calling two of my friends to help me move her shit. When she told me it was a temporary situation and that she would be moving again in forty-five days, I broke up with her to avoid having to help her again.

Joe B.

Yet another coworker. We got very drunk one night and took a cab to my place only to never speak of it again.

Maria

After months of flirting, we dated for about seven months, but I never really felt that super-special thing that lets you know you want to be with someone for a really long time. When she started talking about love and moving in together, I broke it off with her.

Andres

He was a very short Peruvian man, probably five-foot-two or five-foot-three. We got tipsy and then we took a cab to his metal shop so he could show me around. He taught me how to use a TIG welder and rubbed his hard cock against my ass while doing so. We didn't have penis-in-vagina sex, but we spent almost all night alternating between him eating me out and spanking me while I was tied to one of his worktables. The next time we got together I was going to fuck him, but his partner of ten years (who I did not know about) showed up and started throwing things at me. I got the fuck out immediately and went to...

Leo

A bit shaken about being the other woman and getting random workshop tools and objects thrown at me by Andres' partner, I went to Leo's apartment. He is a very slutty man, and I thought he would be able to sympathize. He sympathized with me by convincing me to get naked while he massaged me. Then he popped a thumb in my ass and bent over to ask, "Is it okay if I kiss you?" To this day I still find this order of events hilarious. We ended up dating for quite a while, and even after we stopped dating we still got together occasionally for no-strings-attached sex.

Bryan A.

This was yet another mistake in my sexual history. I didn't sleep with him at first because I got some weird vibes, but then I gave in when I saw his massive cock. He ended up being pretty upset when he realized I was seeing someone else at the same time, and called me a number of accurate names.

G

My longest relationship to date. I started seeing G either just before or just after I started seeing Bryan A. G was also seeing someone else. G and I dated for three or four months before I knew I wanted to be monogamous with him. He took a little more convincing, but eventually we both agreed to just be with each other, and dated for about two years. The sex was amazing and we were completely in love. I cried almost as much about losing his giant cock as I did about losing him.  

Bryan B.

My neighbor, a twenty-three-year-old fireman. Extra-large dick. Eight-pack abs. Several sessions of pure fun.

NEXT: "He has 'RIDICULOUS' tattooed on his body in huge letters..."

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