Everyone I've Ever Had Sex With: Female, 36, Providence

"I made a silicone cast of his dick so I could play with it when we were apart."

Want to catalog your sex life for Nerve? Send your complete list of bedpost notches, along with your age and location, to submissions@nerve.com. Don't worry — we won't print your name.

Craig
He was six years older than me. I met him online. He was manic-depressive and I was too young to know better. Craig was the first person that got me out of the house and was the only person who cared about me; within twenty-four hours of my first kiss, I lost my virginity. I was totally in puppy-dog love with him. Not long after, he broke up with me because I was “too young”.

Steve
He was also six years older, and a rebound. We also met online. I wasn’t attracted to him at all, but he blew in my ear the right way and it didn’t occur to me that I shouldn’t sleep with him. We had sex a few times, but I felt pretty disgusted after. Craig and I were still talking; after about a month he decided he wanted to get back together, so I broke things off with Steve. I vowed never to rebound again.

Craig, again
This time was a little different; my love was a bit older. Craig found condoms uncomfortable (he claimed it was because of his large dick, which was also the softest hard-on I’ve ever encountered). We practiced the rhythm method, which I thought was fine because I had the teenage attitude of “Nothing bad can happen to me!” Then I got pregnant. Craig wouldn’t tell me what to do, but also felt unable to support me. I went to court so I could get an abortion without telling my parents. I went through it alone and it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I don’t regret it at all.

Frank
We had sex after a party at his house, and I spent a rather agonizing month trying to decide between Craig and Frank. I ended up choosing Frank, but once we began living together, I started feeling very taken for granted. I went down on him frequently, after which he’d fall asleep, leaving me aroused and frustrated. We were together for three and a half years; I was never really happy, but I felt like I didn’t have any right to break up with him because I wasn’t as unhappy with him as I was with Craig. After I broke up with him, he told me that he'd cheated on me when I was busy studying for finals. He’s now married to her.

Kyle
Kyle gave phenomenal hugs. The sex was great and everything was wonderful for about a year. I was exploring what I wanted out of a relationship, and became curious about polyamory. I discussed it with Kyle and he seemed to be on board. Some months later I met someone attractive who was interested; I asked Kyle about it and he freaked out. Kyle’s goal in life was to get married and have kids; I told him pretty early in our relationship that I wanted neither. His freak-out was him finally realizing that I meant what I said.

Chris
Chris and I were regulars at a bar; he always surprised me with something really insightful in our conversations. He was polyamorous, and started dating another poly girl around the same time as me, and all three of us were fine with that. I kissed a few other guys but never dated anyone else. I loved him, but I never felt safe enough to fall in love with him; he was a lot more intelligent than me and I found that intimidating. I eventually became unhappy with our relationship and broke up with him after about a year and a half. He’s still with the other girl, and as far as I know they’re both still poly.

Jim
Jim was one of my friends, but while I was dating Chris, he moved across the country. One time I went to the city he lived in, and crashed on his couch. While I was there we got drunk and had sex a couple times. He’s the one and only guy I’ve slept with who I thought was too small. Sex didn’t change our friendship at all, but we haven’t slept together since.

Ron
We met at a party and dated for about a month. Things fizzled pretty quickly when I went to the gynecologist and was told I had an STD. I felt really ashamed for a while, though a few years later I read an article that outlined how the symptoms I had could also be caused by a number of other things (like razor burn). Since it’s been ten years without another “outbreak,” I’m convinced I was misdiagnosed.

Tony
We met at a party, but didn’t spend any time together until a few months later when I visited his city. After hanging out for several hours, I was surprised to realize I still enjoyed his company (I’m very introverted, and usually can only stand being around someone one-on-one for a couple hours). We didn’t have sex at first because of my STD scare, but things were emotionally intense right from the start. We were madly in love for two and a half years and I made a silicone cast of his dick so I could play with it when we were apart. The distance eventually took a toll on our relationship, and one day I said I’d rather be happy with him as a friend than unhappy with him in a relationship.