Love & Sex

Everyone I’ve Ever Had Sex With: Female, 36, Providence

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"I made a silicone cast of his dick so I could play with it when we were apart."

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Craig
He was six years older than me. I met him online. He was manic-depressive and I was too young to know better. Craig was the first person that got me out of the house and was the only person who cared about me; within twenty-four hours of my first kiss, I lost my virginity. I was totally in puppy-dog love with him. Not long after, he broke up with me because I was “too young”.

Steve
He was also six years older, and a rebound. We also met online. I wasn’t attracted to him at all, but he blew in my ear the right way and it didn’t occur to me that I shouldn’t sleep with him. We had sex a few times, but I felt pretty disgusted after. Craig and I were still talking; after about a month he decided he wanted to get back together, so I broke things off with Steve. I vowed never to rebound again.

Craig, again
This time was a little different; my love was a bit older. Craig found condoms uncomfortable (he claimed it was because of his large dick, which was also the softest hard-on I’ve ever encountered). We practiced the rhythm method, which I thought was fine because I had the teenage attitude of “Nothing bad can happen to me!” Then I got pregnant. Craig wouldn’t tell me what to do, but also felt unable to support me. I went to court so I could get an abortion without telling my parents. I went through it alone and it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I don’t regret it at all.

Frank
We had sex after a party at his house, and I spent a rather agonizing month trying to decide between Craig and Frank. I ended up choosing Frank, but once we began living together, I started feeling very taken for granted. I went down on him frequently, after which he’d fall asleep, leaving me aroused and frustrated. We were together for three and a half years; I was never really happy, but I felt like I didn’t have any right to break up with him because I wasn’t as unhappy with him as I was with Craig. After I broke up with him, he told me that he'd cheated on me when I was busy studying for finals. He’s now married to her.

Kyle
Kyle gave phenomenal hugs. The sex was great and everything was wonderful for about a year. I was exploring what I wanted out of a relationship, and became curious about polyamory. I discussed it with Kyle and he seemed to be on board. Some months later I met someone attractive who was interested; I asked Kyle about it and he freaked out. Kyle’s goal in life was to get married and have kids; I told him pretty early in our relationship that I wanted neither. His freak-out was him finally realizing that I meant what I said.

Chris
Chris and I were regulars at a bar; he always surprised me with something really insightful in our conversations. He was polyamorous, and started dating another poly girl around the same time as me, and all three of us were fine with that. I kissed a few other guys but never dated anyone else. I loved him, but I never felt safe enough to fall in love with him; he was a lot more intelligent than me and I found that intimidating. I eventually became unhappy with our relationship and broke up with him after about a year and a half. He’s still with the other girl, and as far as I know they’re both still poly.

Jim
Jim was one of my friends, but while I was dating Chris, he moved across the country. One time I went to the city he lived in, and crashed on his couch. While I was there we got drunk and had sex a couple times. He’s the one and only guy I’ve slept with who I thought was too small. Sex didn’t change our friendship at all, but we haven’t slept together since.

Ron
We met at a party and dated for about a month. Things fizzled pretty quickly when I went to the gynecologist and was told I had an STD. I felt really ashamed for a while, though a few years later I read an article that outlined how the symptoms I had could also be caused by a number of other things (like razor burn). Since it’s been ten years without another “outbreak,” I’m convinced I was misdiagnosed.

Tony
We met at a party, but didn’t spend any time together until a few months later when I visited his city. After hanging out for several hours, I was surprised to realize I still enjoyed his company (I’m very introverted, and usually can only stand being around someone one-on-one for a couple hours). We didn’t have sex at first because of my STD scare, but things were emotionally intense right from the start. We were madly in love for two and a half years and I made a silicone cast of his dick so I could play with it when we were apart. The distance eventually took a toll on our relationship, and one day I said I’d rather be happy with him as a friend than unhappy with him in a relationship.

Mark
Tony started dating someone who eventually became his wife; Mark was her best friend. I liked his optimistic attitud, but he was skittish due to a spectacularly traumatic breakup that involved his last girlfriend cheating on him. I was the first person he had slept with in five years. That was too much for him to handle and nothing further happened.

Mike
I went through a pretty dark period where I thought I was defective and would never fall in love again. Mike hung around with the same people I did. He was married, but I had such a good time that I didn’t care. I wanted to see if I could fall in love with him, with anyone, and I did — hard. At first his wife didn’t know, and I felt terribly guilty but also felt like I couldn’t help myself. I wanted him to tell her so we could hopefully work out some sort of polyamorous situation. Over the course of five months I broke things off with him a couple times; he managed to talk to her, and then I talked to her, and it all worked out. But they didn’t want other people to know about our relationship, and eventually not being able to be affectionate towards Mike when we were out with our friends really got to me.

Matt
Matt and I lived in the same city and went to the same clubs, and had even gone to the same colleges. But we didn’t meet until we were both at a music festival on the other side of the country. It seemed too much like fate to ignore. I think I jumped into it partially to make sure I wouldn’t get back together with Mike. Matt had a lower sex drive than me, and I would often get frustrated and cry while he slept. When I broke up with him, Tony said I should move on to a different letter of the alphabet (the last three guys' names all started with “M”).

Will
A year after Matt, I moved to Asia to teach English. Will was another English teacher who was in a long-distance open relationship with a girl back home. He wanted to be friends-with-benefits, but I wasn’t really interested. One night I drank too much, got sick, and he took care of me. As a result, I thought he was nice and that maybe I should give it a try. We hooked up a few times, but the sex was boring.

John
Another English teacher who I always thought was cute. I didn't think I had a chance because I was several years older than him, but eventually I got drunk enough at a party to make a move, and was pleasantly surprised. We hooked up a couple times, but it became clear that we were both too introverted to connect on more than a physical level.

Shohei
In Asia, the pickings were slim for foreign girls. The local guys thought foreign girls were too intimidating to approach. In contrast, the local girls threw themselves all over the foreign guys, so I didn’t get much attention from them, either. Shohei started talking to me at a club. We had sex a few nights later and a few times after that. He refused to tell me what he did for work; I suspect he was a yakuza because he had a big, sexy tattoo down his side.

Dave
A week after Dave and I met, we happened to be at the same party, and he kept following me around. I thought that was really cute and kissed him. I tend to get emotionally attached to the people I slept with for no other reason, but it didn’t really become clear to me how much so until Dave. Our relationship lasted for a year, until I decided it was time to leave Asia and return home. It’s been six months, but he’s still listed as my boyfriend on Facebook. I’m traveling for an extended period of time and don’t want to get emotionally entangled with anyone — I figure it’ll be easier to not hook up if people think I’m taken.