Love & Sex

Everyone I’ve Ever Had Sex With: Male, 30, Vancouver

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"She climbed into her bed and found me."

Want to catalog your sex life for Nerve? Send your complete list of bedpost notches, along with your age and location, to submissions@nerve.com. Don't worry — we won't print your name.

Heidi
A bunch of us got drunk at a party the night before and the following morning I went over to her house to see who was up for a good ol' hangover breakfast. I was really looking for her friend who was visiting from out of town — for the life of me I cannot remember her friend's name — but alas, the friend had already left. After breakfast on the walk home, she asked if I had stopped by to see her or her friend. I lied and told her I came for her -— she was hot too, just not as hot as her friend.

Later that night we watched a movie in her basement and I fingered her for almost the entire hour and change. She came just before the credits rolled and we had to re-watch the movie. During that summer, she'd come over and and blow me in my living room swallowing every time. I'd return the favor eating her out on the floor until her legs clamped closed around my head, shaking. I shaved her almost out of control bush down to a nice little landing strip in my basement, then ate her like she was the last piece of pie in the world. We'd drive out to her parent's lake house, her jerking me and me fingering her the entire way, then fuck like bunnies in her loft bedroom. One night she rode me, like a champ, on a public beach under a full moon with a storm rolling in. I broke it off when I left for college in the fall — a memorable way to spend that last summer of high school.

Johanna
We were freshman at college, I was working as a door man at the campus pub and I spied her from across the room — a really cute, short-haired, spunky looking surfer chick with glasses, a lip ring, and an amazing set of tits — and when she walked by, I stopped her and asked her on a date. She invited me to a party that her and her roommates were having. When I got to the "party" it was me, her, and her two roommates (who had boyfriends), a 60oz. of vodka, some mix, and ice. One of her roommates told me she had been checking me out for the better part of a month while I was working, but could never bring herself to come and talk to me. She was nervous and drank too much. I consoled her and held her hair out of her eyes, while she praised the porcelain god, and told her that it was ok I didn't think she was a loser, and I didn't.

She brushed her teeth and had a shower and then we slept in each other's arms on the couch. When we woke in the morning, she kissed me and thanked me for not judging. Two weeks later, we were dating. I'd fuck her on the floor in her bedroom when we were at her place because the bed was too creaky. At my place, I had the big room in the basement, but right next to my room was my roommate's studio — they were all art students — and we would often walk out of my room after a morning session to applause and cheers. She was a great sport about this and would high-five my roommates as she walked to the stairs, often saying something like, "I won't walk right for the rest of the day." The sex was great, and she was adventurous, one night while walking home half drunk from a bar she pulled me into the trees at a park near my house and had her way with me. She was the first girl to give me road head, she was also the first girl I had sex with while on their period, and it was her idea — she was really horny, often. She is the only girl, that I know of anyway, that's cheated on me. She was my first real love and the only girl to really break my heart.

Lisa
Lisa worked at the campus pub as well, she was a coat check girl and occasional day-time bartender. She was kinda cute and on the sexually aggressive side, and it was no secret. When she asked me to the movies I couldn't say no. It'd been a while since Johanna and I split and I hadn't gotten laid since. After the movies she blew me while I ordered pizza to her dorm room, I went down on her while she talked to her mom — the result of one of those sexy dice games. The sex was pretty bad for a girl who was a sexual athlete, I was unimpressed. I guess in her world the sex was decent enough to ask me out about a dozen more times, she got the hint I wasn't interested after the 12th rejection or so. Funnily enough working together wasn't awkward.

???
I was at a house party with a few friends and I got a little too hammered, way too early in the night, and pulled my trademark Houdini move when this happens at a party. I went looking for a room to crash in, this house was huge and mostly filled with people. I found a room in the basement, I crashed under the covers in my underwear. Several hours later, after the party wound down, the owner of the room came in and she was a little intoxicated. When she climbed into her bed and found me, she was shockingly cool about it. She turned on her night light and calmly asked what the fuck I was doing in her bed, in my underwear. I explained myself, told her I meant no malice, and I was going to leave. She stopped me, kissed me, and pulled me into her bed. I went down on her for a good while and then she took over. The first girl who "proper" fucked me, took control, and got herself off using me as a tool. She rolled over, I got up and left. We never exchanged names or have seen each other since. I have to admit, it was pretty fucking hot.

Nichola
She was a cute British girl and a bit of a prude. We met through friends and a few weeks later were "everything but penetration buddies." My first friends with benefits situation. We ended it when she met a guy.

Emily
Emily was a year behind me in the same program at college and I was assigned to be her mentor. We were great friends for the better part of first semester. At the Christmas/Year End party at the campus pub I had the night off and we got drunk and ended up back at my place naked and in each other's arms. The condom still in place by morning's light. We agreed it was a mistake and would never happen again. It happened two or three more times. Half drunken booty calls, mostly forgettable.

Deb
Amazing hand job. Toothy blow job. She was a starfish. Never again.

Mackenzie
Way out of my league. Model hot, pothead mellow, open-minded, spiritual, and incredibly sexy. Smelled of cinnamon and cardamom. She taught me some tantric practices and yoga. Six months of Nag Champa, bong hits, and bliss. Possibly the one that got away.

Sarah
We met at a Halloween party, she was "a girl who just came out of the shower" and was wearing only a towel. I was "the guy who got laid at his office party." We liked each other's costumes and hit it off. Our first real date ended at my place, and after a blunt, she leaned in and asked if I would think of her as a slut if she fucked me on the first date. I told her that I would not think of her that way if that were to happen, then I told her she wasn't getting laid that night. She tried, but I told her that it was her night, not mine. Then I  fingered and went down on her til she came. The next night she gave me the best head I have ever gotten. The sex was mind-numbingly good. We lasted six months. I left for university, she left me.

Melissa
I was working at the campus pub as a bartender, and this hot little brunette comes up and orders a Guinness and a shot of Jameson whisky. I was shocked. This is not the typical order of a hot, fit, freshman chick at university. She pays for her order and is gone. About 20 minutes before my shift is finished, she comes back up to the bar, hands me a piece of paper, and tells me to call her at 7:30, then promptly turns around and confidently walks out of the bar. I was fuckin' smitten! We'd smoke weed and have sex anywhere we could, stairwells in various university buildings, and a packed movie theater stand out. She was a great girl, just a little bat-shit-insane. 

Mandy
We had "Introduction to Legal Studies 101" together and were both in the same program. After study group one night, we all ended up going for drinks at a nearby bar. Mandy and I were the last two left and lived in the same direction. When we passed her house she asked if I wanted to come up for a drink, when we got in the elevator, we just looked at each other and started making out. There was no sex that night, or on the second, or third dates. After about the fifth date, she asked me in the most candid fashion to just eat her pussy already and stick it in her. I obliged. I did like her and the sex was good, but not great. I broke up with her before class one day, in hindsight it was kind of a dick thing to do. 

Kristen
I met Kristen through her younger sister who was also in my law class from the above passage. Kristen was one of the loves of my life, I still have feelings for this woman — not in a sexual or romantic way, those of you who have truly been in love will know what I mean — and I hope she has the same for me. She is unbelievably smart, finishing two degrees concurrently in 5 years, one of which was an engineering degree. She is also outgoing, athletic, extremely sexy, and adventurous, both in life and in the bedroom. The only woman with whom I've been been able to "sync" up with for the big "O" which was an absolutely amazing experience every time it happened. She is definitely what made university one of the best times of my life, and she made me a better person. After university, I left the country and she went on to pursue a medical degree.

Cindy
Super-hot Chinese girl I used to work with, who just "wanted to fuck a white guy." Well, she decided I was to be that lucky white dude that got to penetrate her super tight, super soft body. The sex was really good but only happened a few times. She went back to China to help family.

My Wife
Is the love of my life, my lover, my best friend, and is the best wife a guy could ask for. She's incredible, and she calls me on my shit. I love her so much! And, she has skills in the bedroom.