Want to catalog your sex life for Nerve? Send your complete list of bedpost notches, along with your age and location, to firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t worry — we won’t print your name.
I was 16, she was 15. We’d been making out and groping and feeling up… but I never dreamed I was actually going to get laid. We were at a party, very few people we knew, getting kind of bored, when it was announced that there were bedrooms available. Who wanted one? So, we said yes. Nothing was decided, we just went for it. I had no idea what I was doing; revealing a gross misunderstanding of female anatomy. “You missed again.” Finally got things right. I think she enjoyed it, or pretended to. Nothing happened after that. She broke up with me a few weeks later.
I was 17, she was 16. I would give her a ride home from play rehearsals. Eventually we started making out in the parking lot, edging closer and closer. One night at the end of a date, we got naked in the front seat of my Dad’s station wagon (how I miss those wide bench seats of the Chevy Impala). Stayed together, on and off, until we both went to college.
During one of those “offs” with Melissa, got it on with Mary in someone’s front yard late one night at a party. I’m pretty sure we never actually completed the act. Mary’s boyfriend wanted to beat the crap out of me, but she held him off.
Met in college as I was breaking up with Melissa. We played D&D together which led to lots of other role playing. She was the one that I married (wife #1) and had children with. The sex was decent, until her wanderlust led her to another husband and another state.
During the twelve-year marriage to Heather, we dabbled in the whole polyamory thing. I met Lynn at a SciFi convention. She knocked me off my feet. The sex was electric, but I figured out too fast that she had very little in the personality department. She wouldn’t stop getting drunk and leaving messages on my family’s answering machine! Not cool.
Yes, the same Mary from high school. It’s a good ten years later. We were all friends. That’s all. Then I took her home after her father’s funeral. She was all over me. I do not believe that I was taking advantage of a grieving woman. She was using me to work off all the stress and grief of the last few weeks. Mary was an incredibly sexual woman. By her count, she’d slept with over 100 men, yet I was the first married man. She was a little bothered by that, even though it was OK with my wife.
While hanging with other Poly friends, Heather and I met Barbara and Gordon. At another SciFi Con we eventually paired off. Barbara had the most succulent lips. She was a demon in bed. The best sex I’d ever had to that point. We also connected on a deep emotional level… something Heather was unable to do with Gordon, or any other man she seduced. Barbara and I continued to see each other long after the divorce.
Wife #2. We were co-workers. I was looking for a long-term partner. She was looking for a meal ticket. The sex was mediocre to lame from the start. What was I thinking? Eventually we became good roommates, but not lovers. By the age of 50 I was convinced my sex life was over. After ten years of marriage, she finally came out as a lesbian. Well, that explains things. She moved to another city.
After the divorce, I met Cheryl on a dating site. She was a horny widow, I was a horny divorced guy. I was pleasantly surprised to find out I still knew how to please a woman.
Wife #3. Third time’s the charm. Carin not only combines all the best attributes of all the women I have ever loved, but she just turned 50 and has the body of a 25-year-old. Her sexual appetite is voracious. I have trouble keeping up sometimes. I have never met a woman with whom I was more compatible, as both partners and lovers. I have never met anyone who looked, smelled, and tasted so good. It must be a chemical connection. Two years going on thirty.