There was this woman who stayed at the hotel all the time, she was super sultry and sexy but she knew she was hot. She'd always come back to the hotel with bags from Victoria's Secret and Babeland and all that. She checked in with her husband one day and I told them to go ahead upstairs to the room and I'd be up in five minutes with their bags. As I was lifting the bags onto the bell cart, all of a sudden the whole thing started going zzzzz. It was vibrating like crazy all the way up to the room. I knocked on the door and there's no answer. I knock again and hear from inside the husband yelling, "Aw, for fucks sake, one minute." They were obviously in the middle of something. When he opened the door he only cracked it about a foot, and he's standing there with the smallest little hand towel just barely covering himself and all flustered and waving at the bags like, "Come one, give it to me already." I was really only five minutes behind them, I guess they just couldn't wait at all.

—Kunal

I was working the overnight one time when these two young guys came in. They both smelled like alcohol, but one of them was obviously way more drunk than the other. They said they wanted a room just for the night, and when I said the room was $495 a night plus tax the one who was fucking wasted put his credit card down, looked at the other guy and said, "You're going to have to pay me for half of this." He agreed, but didn't seem too happy about it. About 15 minutes after they went up to the room I got a phone call from one saying, "This is a little awkward, but, um, I need a condom?" I told him that we had some in the minibar. We actually have a whole kit with lube, silk wrist ties, stuff like that. A few hours later one of them left, and the other came to check out about 45 minutes after that. They'd only been there for a few hours, got in at maybe 1:30 or 2am, and left before 6. I reminded him that there was more time until checkout and how much he was paying—the other guy was long gone—but he just mumbled some stuff and rushed out. This whole time, he completely reeked of vomit. It was so gross I had to hold my breath while I was checking him out. Apparently when housekeeping went to clean the room they were hit with such a wall of puke stench.

—Rachel

There's a lot of nudity in the lobby. A guest once got locked out of his room completely naked. He said he went outside because he thought his room service had arrived and was left on the floor outside his room, but he let the door close behind him. He had to get another key, so at 2am he walks to the front desk. He's just standing there with nothing on as we're trying to make him a new one, so I asked one of the other employees to get him something to cover himself. But he was so drunk that he didn't know what was happening, so when someone handed him a newspaper to cover himself he just left the newspaper on the counter! The following morning he was so embarrassed and came downstairs to apologize to everyone for making them uncomfortable. At least he remembered the whole thing.

—Sean