imageI Did It For Science by Grant Stoddard







To subject my mind and body to twenty-four continual hours of pornography.




State your hypothesis in the form of a prediction that can be verified by the results of the experiment.

I once met a porn director who told me that if people watched his movies up to the closing credits, he had failed in his task. A friend of mine who worked in a video store told me that when most adult titles are returned, the tape is stopped just a few minutes into the action. I therefore conclude that the average person watches twenty-four hours of porn in his entire life. I'm about to watch several dozen titles start to finish, back to back, to test the effects of sensory overload. I'm told I could go blind.


Please list all the materials required for this experiment (including, if applicable, how they were obtained).

VCR
DVD player
Energy drinks (four)
Energy tablets (one packet)
Coffee (eight cups)
Ritalin (three hits)
Heap of smut




In this portion of your report, you must describe step-by-step what you did in your lab. It should be specific enough that someone who has not seen the lab can follow the directions and recreate the same lab.

Here's the best way to get porn companies to send you free product: force your assistants to do it. Illustrious, resourceful and humbled by a crappy job market, Carrie and Noa called up several Southern California studios, which offered to send me a few sample tapes they had lying around. By the following Tuesday, those "few sample tapes" had formed a pile on my desk that vaguely resembled a Tora Bora cave.

The titles I received ran the gamut of adult entertainment: straight, gay, "exxxtreme," arty, gonzo, small-budget, big-budget, classic. Around eighty hours on VHS and DVD. My plan was this: I would get up, come to work and start the pornathon around 10 a.m. on a Thursday. Unfortunately, important visitors were scheduled to pass through the office all day, and I couldn't get started until eight that night. This meant that in order to complete the project, I'd have to maintain consciousness for forty hours. The prospect was daunting. I've never been awake that long, much less awake in one place. Luckily, a friend hooked me up with some of her prescription meds. Score! I ran to the bodega and stocked up on Red Bull, coffee and those hokey "Instant Vitality Pills." I then arranged for a quasi-nocturnal pal to pop in during the night to ensure that I wasn't goofing off. For the first time in my life, not watching porn would constitute goofing off.






Commentarium (17 Comments)

Mar 13 03 - 1:10am
JO

very interesting. You should be commended for sacrificing your self to the black and heady porn.... I'll make sure i dont suffer thru 24 hours of nonstop reviewing porn movies.......confidentially i only get thru the first 5 minutes before i shut it off....regards......

Mar 13 03 - 1:10am
JO

very interesting. You should be commended for sacrificing your self to the black and heady porn.... I'll make sure i dont suffer thru 24 hours of nonstop reviewing porn movies.......confidentially i only get thru the first 5 minutes before i shut it off....regards......

Mar 12 03 - 5:17pm
bk1

grant, is it possible you never, in those 24 hours, had the urge to masturbate!? okay, okay, yes, it seems as if you chose/were given porn that you may not have chosen on your own - but, geez, i would have thought that in the first 15 minutes or so, (before the nausea usually sets in), you would have at least _entertained the thought_ of pulling on your pecker, no?

Mar 12 03 - 7:14pm
ab

24 hours of porn is a really interesting experiment. Not only does it teach you about the type of porn that you prefer, but it also can be very dangerous in that it could turn you off to porn all together OR do the exact opposite - make you a bonerfide (i'm not apologizing for that) porn junkie. When I first moved to NYC, I watched Robyn Byrd alone almost every night and I must say...I quickly surf past channel 35 because I can't stand fake tits and limp dicks "dancing" around on my television. I.E. watching that show over and over again turned me off to any future strip club experience. Just gimme the real thing! I am interested in hunkering down with some good classic porn with my boyfriend, though...now that would be fun fun!!

Mar 13 03 - 3:00am
AM

Yeah, yeah, DID you masturbate? I'm going to masturbate to that.

I liked this one. Grant the junkie. It's real gritty. But where was the lesbo porn? I thought all straight guys liked that.

Mar 13 03 - 4:01am
jj

U RCOK my FRiend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mar 13 03 - 10:44am

Funny stuff!!! Anybody can watch porn for 24 hours....More man than me!!! *grin*

Mar 13 03 - 10:59pm
WR

By far your funniest and most successful experiment. Keep it up, man.

Mar 15 03 - 12:24am
MJM

Hmmm...Grant, I think perhaps you are onto something here. *grin*
I look forward to your future experiments.
I really enjoy your perceptions.
Fondly,

Mar 17 03 - 2:56pm
ag

The world is on the tip of war as my weiner has lost 3 pounds, one ill side effect of finding diplomacy through wanking your right hand man, your penis, free from std and captivity for one night, the truth to resolving the conflict.... boobees...ah she is hot, look ....bush

Mar 21 03 - 9:26pm
JBS

Honour to you sir (a daunting task),

However, firstly, I don't get the point? I porn video/DVD is normally chosen because it would entertain the choosers personal tastes, which your choice of video's/DVD's did not.
Secondly, You didn't masturbate, which is (I would have thought) the whole point of owning pornography as a single man.
Lastly,I'm sure I'm a generally normal single male (for the UK anyway), and I watch porn reasonably regularily (once a weekish), Every gent I've known has owned porn, and I own 10 (my life's collection!), that alone counts for 18hrs.
I'm 27, and I've 'seen' far more!, at least 40 hrs worth in my life (lends etc).
To Conclude, you have to accept that once a man has reached orgasm that he will lose interest in the porn and turn it off until he needs it again.
Porn is but a tool that can be used time and again, for moments at a time, the purpose being a quick orgasm (with or without company!)
A porn marathon is meaningless, as you will feel no sexual thoughts between your last orgasm and the point at which you become aroused again (not that you tried to)(and also varies between people, I accept, but!) which for me is at least 20 mins!!!
This test counts for little or nothing as many important factors have been left out?

regards

Dirty little freak bloke!

Mar 21 03 - 9:28pm
lps

I hope you didn't get off on the gay stuff, freako :-)

Mar 22 03 - 6:48pm
DPR

Very, very funny. Great article, my friend.

Mar 31 03 - 5:48pm
SAK

Dude, thats fucking great, i have to commend you. I dont think I could have lasted 24 hours but im glad to know it's possible. You should be given a fucking award for what you had to endure, i know how raunchy and horrifying some porn can be.

Apr 02 03 - 9:19pm
T.P.

I was amazed at the way he is able to articulate his sense of humor about porn and pornos. I don

Apr 05 03 - 7:12am
RM

Hey grant. its little rossi miller. i saw a picture of you in MR Wilsons office, when you was in the last year of Gable Hall. That long hair makes you look like Kurt Cobain. '24 Hours Porn' eh, cant be bad. My msn is Miller_110@msn.com

Oct 24 11 - 10:26pm
jason

You had no hypothesis.