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Experiment: "God was very generous with you," a Parisian friend once told me. Sadly, he wasn't referring to my IQ or ability to find a parking space. No, he was talking about my breasts, big and especially disproportionate to my five-foot frame. Since the day I fully bloomed, I've struggled to accept them, often resorting to guerrilla minimizing tactics: doubling up sports bras, duct-taping, and strapping on heavy chest armor.
When I started developing breasts, I never embraced them or felt excited by them like many other women do. I didn't find anything amusing about men blatantly staring at my chest and mumbling crudely, and the feeling of vulnerability crushed me.
But for science, I was willing to rethink the matter. I decided to find out how much power breasts really have. Am I neglecting an asset I could use to get everything I want in life? Let the tests begin.
Hypothesis: (Cup Size > AA) Breast x 2 + Cleavage = Power
Materials:
A properly fitted bra
•A sports bra/minimizer
• A v-neck top or dress
• A loose t-shirt
• Twenty males (preferably strangers)
• An expensive bar
• A flat-chested girlfriend
Preparation: I desperately needed to update my lingerie collection, which consisted of hideously un-sexy minimizers and old bras from ninth grade (a sign of wishful thinking that one day I'd wake up to a magically deflated chest). So I headed up to Townshop, a quaint lingerie store on Manhattan's Upper West Side specializing in the "art of fitting." The last time I checked my size I was a 36DD, but according to my bra fitter, Chauntelle, I was a 30F. Although Chauntelle swore that I wasn't "big" ("we carry size K"), I was appalled.
If you've never been professionally bra-fitted before, let me warn you: it may be an art, but it feels like an intense military operation, involving awkward physical positions and rough handling of intimate body parts.
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Am I neglecting an asset I could use to get everything I want in life?
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"Bend over!" Chauntelle ordered.
Hesitating, I obeyed. She slipped on my bra over my hands and made sure my dangling boobs were within the perimeters of the cup before I stood straight again. Once I was straightened and harnessed, she continued her orders, but this time I felt like I was learning the Lindy Hop. "Now shimmy to the left, and shimmy to the right, then do the finger slide," she instructed, jiggling her chest from side to side and sliding her index finger inside my bra from the cleavage point out. "Now give your sisters a little tap... and that's how to properly put on a bra."
All the maneuvering was worth it. Hot damn! I thought, admiring my protruding cleavage. For the first time, my breasts weren't squished into pancake shapes, looking instead like balls of plump, peach-colored cushion. There was something incredibly appealing about the supple curves of my chest, the soft bounce of them when I moved and the subtle crease in the middle.
"Can I show you off?" beamed Chauntelle, beckoning her co-workers in for a private peep show. They crowded in the stall, admiring my bust, and began oohing and aahing; I felt like a proud mother showing off her newborn twins.
Out on the street, however, I felt more like a platter of steaming doughnuts at a Weight Watchers meeting. Seriously, dudes, didn't your mamas teach you not to stare? Under normal circumstances (when I'm not undercover in my lab coat), I rely on substantial qualities to seduce men, such as my impressive knowledge of nuclear-warfare theories or my ability to mimic Russian and Indian accents. But now attracting men — at least in one regard — seemed effortless.
Method: Now that I was properly outfitted, it was time to put my chest to the test. For my first experiment, I would ask unsuspecting male subjects to sign a fictitious and utterly ridiculous petition. The variable would be the amount of cleavage exposed during the signature collection.
Thanks to my friends and their drunken brainstorming, I found myself in busy Union Square promoting "The Banana Project," a made-up campaign to ban all human consumption of bananas simply because I "strongly believed" they belonged in mouths of monkeys. For round one, I layered myself in a minimizer and sports bra and then put on a loose workout t-shirt. Having thoroughly disguised my bust, I was ready to campaign.
Please note: if you've never petitioned for anything before, it takes a lot of balls. People don't want to listen to you, and if you're petitioning for something as ridiculous as "The Banana Project," they will laugh in your face. My armpits were shvitzing from nerves and public humiliation, as I became a target for all the sarcasm in Union Square:
"Countries that produce the fruit will suffer!"
"What am I supposed to eat?"
"Why bananas and not apples?"
"I don't buy that. You're really weird."
"How am I going to get my potassium?" |
Commentarium (92 Comments)
Great stuff, Bianca. Thanks for taking one for the team, as it were, I know it must have been -horribly- difficult in the end.
I enjoyed this one, but it really bothers me how many women don't understand the power of thier breasts. I mean, I get it, guys judge them, too small, not perky enough, and 100 other criticisms. But seriously, beyond just getting drinks, nothing soothes a man pretty than a set of breasts, cleavage, no cleavage. No matter how angry or frustrated a guy is, something magical happens when suddenly breasts are in his face. Be proud ladies, you have a wonderful gift... And I'm sorry if I stare a little too much.
Yes, I get it, boobs get you happiness and free alcohol. As if I weren't already wishing for an upgrade...
Bianca has nice boobs. But if she thought this warranted an experiment, she needs to rethink a lot of things. Most other women figured this out 2000 years ago.
I gotta agree with Bleh, this is some Glamour Mag-style content. Gamely handled Bianca, but not up to Nerve's usual level of out there.
I developed very early (4th grade!) and it was HELL. and i know a lot of women who feel the same way. you think it's easy being well-endowed, but there are 2 sides to every story. you go bianca. b-a-n-a-n-a-s.
I'm officially dropping my premium membership to Nerve. I paid for pictures of large-breasted women, not articles by them telling us that -SHOCK!- men like boobs.
Why are we guys so fricken dumb when we are attracted to a woman and such fricken jerks when we aren't? Oy.
Well, no surprise, but it was entertaining. For myself however, I like being small chested. Getting cat called 24/7 would get annoying....
You are so cool! I am a proud 36C thanks to you!
Seeing stereotypes confirmed(ish) makes me sad. Thanks for the reminder that I will always have to work twice as hard to get a guy's attention. I don't even have long legs, being all of 5'2". I think I'll go ponder my life of solitude now.
Nerve better get its act together. This new IDIFS doesn't hold a candle to the old one. Nerve is loosing it's edge!!
As for big boobs, that's only half the battle. It's not won until the clothes are off, proportion is everything.
You're not seeing stereotypes confirmed. You're seeing attitudes confirmed. When she had her breasts out, she also actively flirted. A man isn't going to bother with a woman who isn't acting interested. This doesn't prove anything.
I love it b!!!!!!!! ur 2 funny!!!! i remember you telling me about this!
I'm sending this to some friends who don't seem to understand the choice I made 10 years ago: stand up proud or stoop in shame. I chose option A, and am glad I did.
Soooo many uncontrolled factors, as others mentioned. Acting flirty, wearing sunglasses, feeling confident...the list goes on. Plus, it's just plain mean to small chested women. Nerve really doesn't have much going for it anymore.
Let's look at the bigger picture guys - and girls - sure there are many uncontrolled factors, but in the end this article isn't simply about 'can boobs attract'...if you didn't get it, the writer delves deeper into the topic of body image. In the end this is a short story (and an entertaining one) about one young woman's attempt to come to terms with and understand part of her body that has affected her self image and self understanding her entire life. Breasts aren't just 'breasts" in the way we view them in this ass and titty culture. This asset plays a huge roll (whether they are big or small) in the world of womanhood and the fact that there are so many social and sexual connotations attached to them make it hard for the woman to accept herself, her roll as a woman, her sexual identity and her body.
gotta say, this was great. nowhere but Nerve to see this kinda story. Hilarious concept with the banana thing, keep it coming.
I also have ginormous ta-tas (roughly the same size as Bianca's), and I can totally attest to the fact that they enable you to get (and get away with) practically anything. Men talk to my chest rather than my face all the time, and calling them out on it never fails to amuse.
As someone who has endured the frustrating experience of gathering petition signatures, and as a scientist, I must point out that when you switched from Rackus Minimus to Major Boobage, your own behavior changed as much as that of your subjects. I think that is the most important message of this article. When you act in a manner that says you are comfortable with yourself, and how you look is not something you should apologize for, people will always respond in a more positive way. Like many girls, my teenage daughter is having the normal struggles with growing up, especially because she is over six feet tall, and though slender, she has an unmistakably female figure. Until recently she would hunch her back, round her shoulders, and wear concealing clothes, as if to apologize for being there. As her father, I am not particularly eager to have her attract the lust of boys, but I would rather she be comfortable and confident in her own skin and taking charge of her life, than not accepting of herself and acting like a doormat.
i think what rb said really gets to the feeling i had reading this. i have almost exactly bianca's figure (5 ft, with 34 f breasts), and my teenage years were spent fighting with my mother about looking "slutty" or "like a hooker" in the clothes that i wanted to wear and fantasizing about a breast reduction. the shift in my self-esteem when i moved across the country and learned how to accept (and then appreciate) my body was really exciting. yeah, the leering stares and catcalls in the street can get tiresome, but the look on my boyfriend's face when i come out wearing something that really shows off my curves is a priceless confidence boosting turn-on every time.
yeah i thought the point was not just that her boobs were out in round two, it was that that changed the way SHE behaved, as well as the way the men behaved. i think that was less an uncontrolled variable than part of the experiment.
Why are there no ass men out there? I may not have amazing boobs like Bianca (lucky thing) but I've got a pretty phenomenal hip-waist ratio going on. I show it off sure and I'm confident enough, but it's got nowhere near the same kind of power as boobs. I wish it did. :(
Lame. This is exactly something Glamour would do. What's next? An 'experiment' trying to figure out if blondes do indeed have more fun?
The fact is, that the amount of effort a woman has to put fourth to attract a male is zero. Whatever body type you ahve, you can find a guy who is into it. Have some self confidence and self esteem, put yourself out there and what you are looking for will find you.
You think you have large tits I have been cursed with freak of nauture size tits on a 5'2" small frame and I am just slightly overweight not morbidly obese which is always the asumption. I can never find proper containment units for the things, they are huge, heavy and unwieldly and pretty clothes, forget that. I am disgusted eveyday I have to deal with the gigantic things.
Sorry, toots - nothing new here.
Bianca, you are clearly lovely and a good writer. So please do not take it personally when I say: Fuck me, this was a boring idea. Couldn't you give Bianca something better to do?
To all the people saying how obvious this was, actually to a lot of women, it ISN'T! I only discovered the "power" of my boobs a few years ago (36DD). Seriously. And knowing that gives you some of that I-feel-sexy positive attitude, too. I wish someone had told me how to use my assets to my advantage when I was younger.
I agree IL. I'm figuring my own boob power out at last, too, just when it's almost too late. I think the piece was extremely well written and made me laugh. Who cares if it's new? There's nothing new, only different ways of saying it. Bianca rocks.
Small/perky + no bra + just sheer enough to drive the point home.
That would work for me big time.
Sandra Oh, for example.
mmmmm.
Therefore the women relying on legs have another option that might yield multiple benefits. Just saying.
This is so true. I'm a straight girl and I get hypnotized by jiggly cleavage - even my own in the mirror. It's a beautiful thing.
As an "older, more mature woman" .. I applaud your courage here. I still love to show my cleavage ... and it's amazing how many younger men look. The cougar in me is happy about that. One of our greatest assets are beautiful boobs... why not be proud!! Thanks for a fun, and scientific article.
Hate my boobs, hate the "power" they give me, hate that men act like imbeciles when they're prominently displayed (as in, when I wear anything other than a parka). I constantly wish for invisibility, but only ever get leers, jokes, and the occasional grope. I don't want men's attention, but I get it all the damn time. Yes, learning to love them would be a good idea, I suppose, but wearing them even prouder would only get MORE attention from men. I'd rather they just leave me alone.
Boobs taste good.
now i've got to go tell my wife i'm in love with you
It's so true. I basically inadvertently conduct this experiment on a regular basis. As a just-barely-34C, I can look voluptuous or not depending on what clothes I wear. The increase in stares, catcalls, drink offers, and general silliness that a plunging neckline and good bra causes, as opposed to a T-shirt is truly ridiculous. I like being able to look boobalicious but, still, I don't think that men's public attention to breasts means that they actually find them a more important or attractive part of a woman's body than many other parts. If I'm actually intimate with a guy, the rest of my body gets plenty of love. I just think breasts are the most obvious and public part of the female anatomy, and the only one that you can regularly see partially exposed. So guys naturally focus on them. Don't despair, small-chested ladies.
Also, I agree with an above poster, that the sunglasses were a major uncontolled factor. Still, I doubt your results would have been THAT different.
Maybe I need to be more explicit. For some men, no bra + protruding nips on small boobs are very hot, where as cleavage is almost a cliche. Or at least for me.
This is a FYI. I'm sure women get it, since you don't see protruding nips as much as 10 or 15 years ago. But for the relatively flat chested -- a very very hot alternative.
And NEVER, NEVER get implants for male attention.
Please.
Only in America - impossible for girls in Italy, Germany, France to even think like this - you are who you are and basta. This must be the result of some strange puritan legacy Americans enjoy. Not that boobs don't matter, it's just the way you think about them that is so American.
You do look great and your new friends look great you could do with longer hair. This look does not suite you.
Breast are a guys first focus and the size of them usually does not matter provided there supported well. However how women use them can say a lot,so some women will display them in ways that make them look sluty more refined women use them to say there hot but but not easy. Some women think they need big breast but this is mainly due to not knowing how to use the natural balanced breast they were given if more women new how to support there natural breast then maybe the need to have implants would go down. Breast implants alter the balance of a woman's look.
FYI - to those of you who are pointing out that the sunglasses were an uncontrolled experiment I just want to clarify that during the original experiment I was NOT wearing sunglasses for round 1 or round 2, these pictures were taken for the article at a later time...and actually the experiment worked again! Thanks for the feedback everyone =) -Bianca-
What a clever article. Heterosexual human men have a chemical in their brains that attract them to female features that indicate fertility, such as breasts. This is a newsflash. Next, we'll see an article on how wearing red in a bull-fighting ring makes one more susceptible to being chased by a bull.
...except it doesn't.
Pathetic article. I'll buy you a drink if you show me your cleavage, though.
Look, this article (and series) is HUMOR. Don't get twitterpated because it's not good science. Don't go off on how unfair society is to judge women on something so shallow (ha, wrong term if I ever chose one). Really funny, Bianca!
Would you be willing to place a Craigslist ad asking for someone to ejaculate on your cleavage? I would like to respond.
I'm with the banana industry and we'd like to get you lobbying the boobs in Washington on our behalf. We could use your potent weapons.
i WOULD LOVE TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU DARLING
Excellent work. A study that has surely been done many times over, though, andsurely more often for personal gain than for science. I'n a guy. I like boobs. I admit it. I also like short girls with short hair and brains. Thre is no reason that a girl with those gifts should not use them. And even if the Frenchmen was complimenting your rack, I think God was good to you in a way that you yourself should appreciate. Up with women's lib. *gasp* How '70s!
Good read. Is Miss "corn kernels a-cup" still your friend?
You are too good a writer to attract people with your cleavage. The narrative is awesome.
Bianca, you're hot :) Yay boobs!!!
It's the confidence, not the breasts.
Mine have always been very large compared to my peers, and unless I'm feeling snazzy, they only attract ridicule.
I've long told female friends that large breasts don't mean a thing once you've got someone's attention... but they are fantastic for getting that attention in the first place. Boobs are like Superbowl ads, but being able to talk politics and science in fun accents? That's the real deal.
Big boobs are sure to attract attention, if that's what you want. But I'm barely an A-Cup and have no problem getting drinks at a bar. All it takes is a fun, friendly attitude, being a little flirty and GASP another great asset to show off.
Your article gives off this "big boobs = great life", "small boobs = nobody buys you drinks" kind of vibe. But the only thing you did was go in the bar with the intent of showing your cleavage. If I went in a bar in a killer mini skirt, titless as I am, I could create the same results.
I'm proud you got through to your body issues, but putting down small breasts? Not cool.
i really believe that most of the positive comments here were left by the author's friends. there is no way that that many people on Nerve are enthused by this--it's extremely cliche, i see no logical way to argue that point. and as if that wasn't enough, it has a bit of a close-mindedness on what makes someone sexy, something nerve has traditionally been extremely open-minded about.
oy vey...people please read closely before you criticize. this article was far from putting down woman with small breasts (KAT you obviously missed the point there) and how much more open minded can you get than advocating confidence as the key to sexiness? just my two cents...
interestingly, you do not bother saying this isn't cliche--because it is. (though bianca's rack is quite nice, cliche or no.)
my best friend has huge boobs and compared to her i look like mosquito bites, but wearing the right bra and shirt even got guys staring at my a cups (it also doesn't hurt that my donk is kinda HUGE). at least i know i can somewhat pull off cleavage, but i just wish that her friend with smaller boobs did the same thing just to see the results.
I am large-breasted and NOT petite. Being full-figured all around, and slightly taller than average, hasn't really helped me much.
why do people like this article? it's totally self-evident that men like boobs. how is that a point of inquiry? i thought it was dreadfully boring. but hey, good job at feeling good about yourself, bianca.
Hah hah i loved the Corn Kernels description of your friend, hilarious!
http://apennyforlenny.blogspot.com/2009/07/lenny-vs-boob-power.html
Most of these comments are proof positive why comments should not be allowed
I agree with Kat's comments. "big boobs = great life", "small boobs = nobody buys you drinks" kind of vibe. I have the smallest chest out of all my friends, and I get the most attention. I guess men just respond to a pretty woman regardless of cup size.
The banana thing was very funny though.
I for one try to ignore such obvious pandering. Yes, I like it when my s.o. is confident and not hiding her body. I don't like it when people I don't know assume I'm putty because of what's on display. To play along cheapens social interaction. To the women who struggle with self acceptance in a world of constant assessment - I'm sorry, but I'm also trying not to be part of the problem.
Great IDIFS. Really enjoyed it. Especially the pictures!
Thank you MM. That makes you so much more attractive.
This article is just plain mean.
This article is incredibly silly. The way the word "all is implied before "men" and "boobs shows a "The Rules"-level lack of understanding of heterosexual interactions. Do a lot of guys respond in an imbecilic way to large breasts on display? Yes. Are these the kinds of guys an intelligent woman would want to be attracting in the first place? Often, no.
I actually find breasts larger than a nicely shaped C-cup to be unattractive, but might've stopped to chat up Bianca simply because she has a pretty face and sounds intelligent. Fixating on one feature on either side of the equation is going to attract simple-minded, one-track people.
Not to mention that breast SHAPE, overall PROPORTION, and having great nipples is about ten times more important than size, anyway.
Interestingly written, but poorly conceived.
C+
What an absurd read. But congrats on the newly burnished self image.
This story was awesome. Big boobs are definately an asset for women, I hafta say :)
This is experiment is very poorly documented. You do not have scientifically significant control groups and your results/discussion section is not properly justified. Where did men who prefer vaginas or feet come into this? Don't fabricate data and force conclusions. You did no science here, you just have tits.
Congratulations. You are now just as shallow and foolish as the men you demean.
"finding myself genuinely flattered by his directness." You mean dominance. Women whine and complain about how horrible the evil men are for dominating women but when it boils down to it, women love men who are dominant. They try to convince themselves and everyone else around them that they're attracted to confidence and not dominance because by doing so they avoid cognitive dissonance. But it's dominance that they're really attracted to. And you women wonder why men continue to dominate you... What a joke. You women need to quit complaining about problems you're responsible for perpetuating. Quit pretending like you're innocent. Take some responsibility for yourselves and quit pretending like you're victims. But then again, like Chuck Palahniuk wrote, "Women don't want equal rights. They have more power being oppressed. They need men to be the vast enemy conspiracy. They're whole identity is based on it." Oh and I love the little fine print below the "Speak!" button about not making sexist comments. Yeah, you can't make sexist comments about a sexist article. They're allowed to be sexist but you're not. Lol.
Jeez.....the girls are really impressive.....but I HAVE to say that you're friggin' cute as hell! Nice article---a woman who has cleavage going on (or for that matter, is braless) perty much turns this man's mind into mush.....I can't seem to help it!
Damn, how I love women.............
It's because men do better see than they do think ;)
luv u girl lolz.....( nt literally ) just kidding...!!! nice one ya...nice one [:d]
She looked a lot happier in the red, and din't hide her face. That helped too...
On a random, her hairs nice, but like a girl I work with.
Big boobs rule!!
Guys might like boobs, but they will go for the girl with a prettier face if the choice is there. Bianca has both, so she's lucky. For the rest of us average-faced-large-breasted girls with pretty-average/small-breasted friends, we will continue being the "one drink from the gay guy" side of the story.
thanks for writing this, i too am a (formerly unwilling) member of 'the big boob brigade' and was half-heartedly considering reduction. this made me giggle, and i'm now definitely gonna put my assets out there :)
I don't get it, the woman in the photograph doesn't look like an F cup to me...
i think that a lot of people are being really harsh about this article. Stop putting her down because of her chest size. look it's a fact of life that guys like big boobs and no amount of bitichness is going to change. I'm a double d-e and quite frankly i used to feel the same way so it's nice to see that bianca is able to accept her chest as a positive thing. go showing off your assets in the name of science!
Who's putting her down cause of her chest size? Pretty sure everyone is putting her down cause she's attempting to prove a cliche (that claims women with small breasts to be unable get any interest from the entire straight male population and the entire straight male population to be unwilling to show any interest in anything but breast size) by acting like a slut and a bitch to her friend. Not only that but it suggests that girls who don't hide their breasts are purely exploiting themselves. Sorry about our harshness, we're just trying to follow Bianca's example.
ps, both the men in the pictures are looking at the petition, not your breasts. Get over yourself
I have to agree with AT. While the pictures are of a very pretty girl with nice breasts, those aren't F cups.
It's amazing what happens when you attempt to manipulate men. Congratulations! You should do another test. Come up with a valid petition and explain it in both an abusive stupid want and an outgoing smart way. See which one gets more signatures.
b-cup here,but ive never had a complaint :) Ive been told most guys don't care tbh.
boobs are sexy
I really liked the article, and the very cool blog
Unbeelivbale how well-written and informative this was.