State your hypothesis in the form of a prediction that can be verified by the results of the experiment.
Hirsute? Hung like a beer can? Horny and aching for sadistic nipple play? If you fit any of these descriptions , or any others in between , I suggest you stop reading and go to the Casual Encounters section of Craig's List, an online bulletin board where armies of people yearn to hook up in a wide spectrum of ways. Urban America has an itch that really, really needs to be scratched. Like, right now! No lurkers! No time-wasters!
Chat rooms and online personals may have simplified the costly, elaborate social dance that once preceded boot-knocking, but judging from what I've heard on the young urbanite grapevine, Casual Encounters might be the ultimate in this trend's evolution. It provides an ambiguity-free forum for sex, no strings attached. My friend Simone, an attractive, 27-year-old Ivy League grad, raves about CE because she can't stand structured personals websites and, she insists, "bars are for drinking."
But can it really be that easy: post an online ad and get a made-to-order sexual experience? Can fucking really be that anonymous, convenient and hassle-free? If so, the men and women of Casual Encounters might be sexual pioneers. If people really are deserting the dating pool in droves, this could be my most fulfilling study so far. Right?
Please list all the materials required for this experiment (including, if applicable, how they were obtained).
High-speed Internet access
Coffee (1 qt.)
In this portion of your report, you must describe, step-by-step, what you did in your lab. It should be specific enough that someone who has not seen the lab can follow the directions and recreate the same lab.
In the beginning, the stigma attached to online dating guaranteed that only chubby medievalists with unfortunate skin conditions deigned to search for their soul mates via 9600-baud modem. Then , suddenly and against all odds , they started getting more action than R. Kelly at a Delia's outlet store. In a few short years, socially adept people were flocking to online personals sites, professing their love for long walks on the beach, "a sense of humor" and spooning. All of this, of course, was codified chatter for hooking up.
Enter Craig's List. Founded by ex-software engineer Craig Newmark in 1995 as a venue for apartment ads, the site gained notoriety for its "Missed Connections" section, where everyday citizens could cash in on the prolonged leer they shared with a stranger on the subway platform: "Saw you on the downtown N/R at Union Square. You remind me of my dead girlfriend. Would love to meet for drinks," etc.
Fast forward to this year, and the zeitgeist turned its greasy eye to Casual Encounters, a.k.a. the sex-wanted section. As for the ads' entertainment value, I'll say this: start reading and say goodbye to whatever you were planning to do for the next four to six hours. Outside of Naomi Campbell's autobiography, "Swan," it is the most fascinating, horrifying thing you'll experience in print.
Here are some recent highlights:
- The personal assistant to a "classy, Manhattan-based female celebrity" posted an ad seeking five or six guys to be on call to service her boss with sensual massage, oral/penetrative sex and "various other activities." The dirty half-dozen would be paid a weekly stipend, plus a fee for each individual act. They would also be tested for STD's on the classy diva's dime. I applied, mostly to see if the classy mystery woman is who I think it is. If you too have a hunch, send your nominations to firstname.lastname@example.org.
- A self-professed young, attractive, female Williamsburg resident wants anonymous men to come to her apartment once a week over an eight-week period. The lucky applicant would be manually relieved by the woman, who would catch the fruits of her labor in a Tupperware container. Each week she will put the container in the freezer. On the tenth week she'll thaw out the accumulated jism and guzzle it before your very eyes. From the ad, I'm not sure what kind of reaction she's hoping to elicit.
- A "nice guy" from Bay Ridge asks; "On your period? Give me a call and let's examine the possibilities."
- A twenty-eight-year-old man is looking to fulfill a fantasy whereby he goes to see a "real" doctor who, in addition to taking his blood pressure, checking his reflexes, shining a light in his ears etc., includes some more unusual examinations not covered by most plans. These include the measuring of the patient's penis , "Doctor will then comment on diminutive size of penis" , and a series of tests to ascertain "anal tightness."
- Little-known fact: The prince of darkness lives in Southern Connecticut. He writes, "Satan seeks F minion for total depravity in the abyss of hell... Leave your morals at the gate."
- And my personal gross-out favorite. "Suck 'n' dump. Italian with buzz cut seeks to suck your dick while you take a shit."
I'm intrigued, to say the least. People say that the seething sexual underbelly of New York City is long gone, but perhaps it just evolved. Giuliani might have moved peep arcades and hookers out of Times Square, but his iron rule couldn't extend to cyberspace.
I have empirical evidence of this: several of my friends have had success on Craig's List. And not my scary friends, mind you. Simone explains what led her to Casual Encounters and a zipless fuck with a good-looking party planner in the East Village: "I was sitting at my desk one afternoon, thinking about recent dates I'd been on and thought, 'What the hell , nice guys are great, but sometimes you just want to screw." My friend Jeff, a graphic designer in his twenties, told me that he used the site to hire a clean-cut college couple who performed a live, hourlong sex show on his living-room couch , it was one of the hottest experiences he's ever had. I also know an attractive couple who use Craig's List to find hot girls for threesomes; they assure me that downtown girls post there all the time, and they've assembled a rotating cast of nubile characters for their devious ends.
Everyone is talking about Casual Encounters. Some people are actually having them. So why can't I? I think I want to try something freaky, something that maybe wouldn't fly with girls I date.
Actually, that might be tough.