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February 7, 2011
Results:
DATE A
I left work early to meet gentleman A. It was snow-raining and rush hour. Between the slippery streets, crowds of people everywhere, and nerves, I felt mildly nauseous. So I did what anyone would do: I smoked a cigarette, threw up in my mouth a little, and found the bar.
Date A was cute! He actually looked like the photo he sent! He had a neck tattoo! I was feeling this date already. I sat down across from him and unknowingly boarded his own personal rollercoaster.
Now, I'm a woman who talks a lot. And I got in maybe three sentences the entire hour. The rest of my verbal allotment was spent “Mhmm”ing. I learned that he designs leather cuffs and men’s chemical-free fragrances. He’s an artist “of all sorts.” Seriously, I asked him what kind of artist he was twice and that’s all I got. During his lecture on men who keep their word — yeah, it went there — I’m pretty sure he referenced Castro as an idol. I can’t bash this guy too badly, because he was obviously nervous and I appreciated him taking the heat off of me to perform. He also paid for my drink and respected my one-hour time limit on the date. We shook hands, said nice to meet you, and I was off.
Pros: Tattoos, silver tooth (don’t judge me!)
Cons: Wouldn’t shut the fuck up.
Bottom line: Probably wouldn’t see him again, unless I could feed him some Valium.
DATE B
I stood out front of the next bar, on the phone with a friend and smoking. Time crept by and I realized that this fucking guy was fifteen minutes late. As I pondered what exactly being stood up by a Craigslist blind date would do to my self-esteem, he showed. Actually, he walked up to the door, made eye contact with me, and went inside. I knew it was him, he knew it was me. So we were off to a great start. Like a puppy, I followed him inside and realized, to my horror, that I had forgotten this venue was more of a tiny restaurant than a bar. He disappeared into the bathroom and I sat and ordered myself a giant drink. When he returned, I said “Hi! I’m Katrina."
And the infant took a seat. Now, this guy looked young in the photo he sent me, but he said he was twenty-three. I rarely date boys my age, but I figured in the spirit of openness, I’d throw caution to the wind. The first thing he did was ask “if this place carded.” Apparently, he told me, he’d lost both his ID and passport. And thus began my date with a seventeen-year-old.
He opened with “So….” I smiled. He smiled. Then he started mocking my body language. He put his hand on his chin, like mine, so I smiled and moved my hand to my lap. He smiled and moved his hand to his lap. “What do you do?” I asked. “What do you do?” he retorted, and I fought the urge to punch him in his little, baby face. He told me he was still in school to be a gym teacher. He lived with his parents. And then he asked me if I wanted to see his (first) tattoo that he had gotten done yesterday. I did not.
“Sure,” I said. To my horror, he stood and started to raise his shirt and revealed a tattoo on his ribcage. It said, “Fuck you, love you, love you, fuck you”. It’s how I feel about people, he explained.
The date lasted another minute or two. During the next lull in the conversation, he said, “Um…. Awkward silence number four,” and I was done. He had taken two sips of the beer he tricked the poor bartender into serving him, and I stood up. “I’ve really got to go,” I said.
“Really?” He looked shocked.
“Yup, sorry,” I said and ran-walked for the door.
Pros: I’m getting really good at leaving dates and not feeling bad about it.
Cons: Everything?
Bottom line: I will not see him again, unless his parents pay me to babysit.
DATE C
At this point, I was dreading the next date. I got to the bar early, as my last date had been cut short. Since my date was running late, I sat alone at the bar for a half-hour and scoped all the cute boys I could have been kissing. I was actually on the verge of going over to say “hi” to one of them when my date arrived. So I introduced myself to him instead.
This guy was cute. He was dark and handsome, kind of Italian-looking. His black T-shirt was rather tight and his snow boots were bizarrely effeminate. We chatted. He was in law school. He ordered a Jim Beam and ginger ale, and I decided I liked him. We had a few laughs (though at this point I was kind of drunk, so I can’t quite remember what they were about). We had another drink. He laughed and said “Two drinks, huh? I must be doing well,” and he was. He was muscular in a lean way and I distinctly remember fantasizing about those strong arms pulling my hair.
I broke my rules and hung out with him for another two hours. I was supposed to be meeting friends later to check in, but I was drunk and forgot to check my phone. Later, I saw the messages, one of which said: “WHERE ARE YOU? THERE ARE CRAIGSLIST KILLERS ON THE LOOSE!” Fortunately, he wasn’t one of them.
Pros: His face, sense of humor, in law school, doesn’t live with parents.
Cons: Weird snow boots.
Bottom line: I would see him again.
Conclusion:
Craigslist blind-dating is not for the faint of heart. And I know that, because I kind of was. Between the stress of trying to find guys to date, the scheduling, and the actually meeting complete strangers in person, I think I may have aged ten years in three days. But though all I wanted to do after the first date was curl up with a bottle of wine and watch The In Crowd, I’m glad I pushed ahead.
If nothing else, this experiment reminded me that I’m just not the kind who enjoys dating. In fact, I kind of hate it. I get really nervous, feel faint, and smoke a million cigarettes. Not a good look for a first date. At heart, I think I’d rather meet someone the old-fashioned way: get very drunk, wake up next to them, and assess whether to stick around or sneak out before they wake up.
That said, the hypothesis of the experiment still holds. If you put yourself out there more, you’ll meet some good people. Using Craiglist to date is like using anything else: you just have to sift through a lot of bullshit and weirdos before you meet someone cool. And a one-out-of-three ratio for cool dudes to basket-cases isn’t bad at all. So if you have the balls and some extra time on your hands, go forth! Just make sure you have a high alcohol tolerance and some friends to check in with.
Commentarium (83 Comments)
I'm a nomral guy.
I enjoyed reading this. Too often these overtly sensational topics derail into overtly sensational, crummy exposition. There is, however, the bugbear realization that this kind of thing could only be pulled off by a female.
Hmm, I question the validity of your method. It's not exactly a "blind" date if you know what your date looks like and have emailed to him several times. Ok, #1 and #2 were obviously fails, but somehow I wonder what good #3 would have been in the long run as you only kept fantasizing about him pulling your hair....
Neck tattoo is a PRO?
With the way you describe this, your opinion is majorly based on how drunk you are. Is this a good thing?
By the way, re: your ads getting flagged for removal, it's just a fact of life posting W4M ads. They ALWAYS get flagged – I'm not sure I've ever had one up for more than 10 minutes – and because of the way the system works, there doesn't have to be a reason; there just have to be enough clicks. Apparently, CL does not care about this. My initial thought was it was just men being assholes, but my current theory is that, in fact, it's all the hookers the men complain about systematically flagging all legit W4M ads.
It's not only w4m ads. Legit m4w ads get flagged all the time as well. CL's claim that the majority of flagged ads violate their terms of use is completely bogus, at least with respect to the personals sections.
I also have to wonder if you were genuinely yourself during any of this or did you act differently or project someone who you were not to get more out of your experiment? Also what if the guys were simply not into you, and thats why they had to entertain themselves in whatever way to make it through the hour? This whole thing does not seem vaild at all to me.
Your ratio of cool dudes to basket-cases is not 1 out of 3; it is 1 out of 10. Seems like someone who would rather go to the DMV than meet a pretty girl for a drink qualifies as a basket case.
hobo, its folly to assume that the photo's they send, or the words they write are true.
good piece!
jolly piece!
Great stuff and super funny. Looking forward to more. Favorite lines "Pro: silver tooth, Con: Wouldn't shut the fuck up".
It is a tough world out there, somebody has to do it!
I love your writing style. It's so funny, not sappy (like some other Nerve writers can be), and to the point.
truthis: Who doesn't act at least a little differently on a date? How is there a valid way to accurately judge anything when it comes to dating? This is an article about dating, and obviously we just have to trust the writer's judgment.
hobo: We'll just have to see if there's a second date.
@Truthis..... Were you one of the boys the writer dated? Sounds like you might be....
why would you subject yourself to this ordeal? what happened to the days when people met each other just by living? dont you have any friends would could set you up, or coworkers to date, or why dont you just plain meet people at the bar? you said yourself there were cute guys at the bar, you should have ditched the blind dates and hung out with them. online dating is so superficial and, as you proved to us, mostly unsuccessful.
hahaa, i agree with WithAnInotanE
Very, very funny piece.
@daniel, do you date much? Because most of what you said about online dating applies to real dating too. Oh, yes, have friends and co-workers set you up. Then when the date goes down in flames you get to explain to your friend/co-worker what went wrong, and wonder what the hell kind of person they think you are based on who they set you up with. You can meet plenty of bad dates just by living too. If I'm out at a bar I'd rather hang out with my friends than worry about trying to hit on someone. It's so much easier to online shop for a date on my company's time.
That is dedicated reporting!!!
girl, you is funny. good idea, good article. my only question is what happened to all that money?
Ugh. I don't know whether this just solidified my negative opinions on using CL for dating, or depressed me about the state of the typical female mind in NYC. So incredibly self-absorbed! Really -- after having "thrown up a little in your mouth" and smoking before each date, you're worried whether *he's* going to be gross? It's good that you didn't get a chance to inflict yourself on more than one guy that was acceptable. Let's hope the law student reads this article, and runs before it's too late.
BTW, your response to the second retard, "How much is a lot," reminds me of that famous quote that goes, "Oh, we've already established you're a whore -- now we're just debating over the price...:
Hallelujah.
@thinkywritey: Wow, I had no idea that Pros' did that. Now I don't feel so guilty about selling them tiny chunks of soap. ;)
Highly entertaining.
Ugh, Date B (the 'infant') sounds horrific. I wish you'd punched his little baby face.
Probably got flagged for using the word "fucking".
@NG, Wow. Thanks man. You know, I'm a person too. With feelings :(
To be fair, you do look rather morose in your pic
I commend you on both the originality of being yourself and honest on CL and the willingness to follow through. You sound like alot of fun and have an awesome sense of humor, I actually find it odd that you are single (Not trying to sound like your mom) in fact if I lived anywhere close to you I would be thrilled to go out with you ( and NO I don't live with my parents and collect comic books) Anyhow good luck on your ventures and I look forward to your next piece, err article. Be well
Hey everyone, "Brotato" think he's normal!
No, he thinks he's "nomral."
Hey everyone, check out this Greg guy trying to hit on the author ^ what a fartbag
How embarassing!
So this article really did it for me. To the author - you're hilarious! I can't believe you even had the stones to go on one of these dates (and it sounds like you really met the cream of the crop of the Craigslist types!). Anyhoo, take comfort in knowing that your writing and perseverance are working wonders for the readers of this site, and I hope for you a great future as an authoress.
Sincerely,
-Manwich
I will always sing CL's praises I went on a blind CL blind date and it was awesome. Met up with a really hot guy, had drinks and ended up in bed. We went at it all night, had perfect chemistry and was really good. We still email and flirt, hoping to get together soon. Best date ever.
I loved this article. Bravo for great writing and doing a "dating" article that was actually intriguing. Peeeease keep this up, the world is seriously lacking in writers like you (and that's too bad).
Hilarious, original article. Loved reading it!
The article was interesting, especially framed in basic lab report format. It's a little unsettling to think that you were fantasizing sex/kissing with random guys almost immediately (state of the world, I suppose). It seems you place a lot of the expectation on the guy to make or break the date.
Also it was kind of funny that more drinks means you're having a good time. A lot of people drink when it's going bad, in order to take their mind off the situation.
i think its one of funny piece..very different and interesting as well as funny idea.
Funny stuff. It's the pool you fish from that's the factor here. At least with CL you know you are fishing totally at random, unlike more upmarket dating sites where you really have to sift through a hell of a lot more lying scum.
I think you're my hero for the week.
First guy sounds cute, I'd go out with him.
Kudos to you! I've done my share on online dating and it certainly is NOT for those with weak stomachs and an inability to find humor in one's own misery. I actually met a guy (who I dated for a few months) while waiting for an internet blind date (who was shorter and more immature than previously indicated). When I ditched the internet guy, I asked for the other guy's number. All that internet dating made me really ballsy. I've since met my fiance (also an internet blind date) and we're getting married next year. Stay strong!
I thought the whole premise was very promising, but, as an experiment, it loses validity when you fail to handle 10 simultaneous conversations. I think that this process filtered out possible good dates, or at least men who respect themselves enough not to continue a conversation where the woman keeps confusing them with someone else. I think the average process of online dating includes that dedication to learn about the other person previous to meeting. By cutting that short you're selecting your sample from a smaller population, with its own characteristics. You could have also presented your profile as a regular woman wanting to date, without mentioning anything about an experiment. You might have received messages from more serious people. All in all, a very interesting read. Very courageous. Keep it up.
Funny & well written! Nice job
This article is seriously behind the times. CL in 2011 for anything not sex service related? Seriously? I used CL for dating in 2003/2004/2005 - back then, it was a great place to meet people that you wouldn't meet in your everyday life. I've tried in recent years and mostly been disappointed. Now a days, if you're doing online dating, you're going to have to pay - it's worth. I was really disappointed in this article. I would have expected something a little more exciting.
I flag w4m ads right after I respond to them to stop the competition.
wow, this is clever
survival of the fittest
I bow to you.
You are an attractive, smart, available, and most importantly aggressive young woman and all you got was 3 dates... Now imagine a handsome, recently unemployed, young man trying the same thing. predicted results- some only halfway indecent propositions from women of the night.
Nice piece! and that first guy's email was pretty funny
You could have just erased the pencil in your day-planner.
yeah u know i dated a sawyer but she broke my heart. i've been single for over 10 years. i live @ home due to personal health issues which i realise isn't flattering to the single ladies in the outside world. i'm emotionally insecure, overly sensitive, poetic yet hopeful. craigslist ads don't offer me substance or a renewed sense of confidence. anyhow, it's a wild world baby it's hard to get by on a smile girl.
I've done my share of craigslist dating, and in fact have been featured in two similar writer's experiments (one will become a book soon, the other led to a 3-year relationship). It's always surprising to me that women are so freaked out by it when they have all the control. Women get 100 responses for even a two-sentence post, whereas men get 1-3 responses for a well thought-out, considerate post. True, 95 of your responses will be idiots, but that still leaves you with five of reasonable quality (the ratio is much better outside of NYC). You can choose the time, place, and (apparently) the length of the date. What's so difficult?
You ended up with 66% mismatches because you didn't take the time to 'email back and forth' and get to know your suitors. And at a very basic level, you were being deceptive, because you were 'doing it for science'... and a clever bit of writing... and not for anything more. So you got back what you put out: half-assed results for half-assed effort. It's not just about 'putting yourself out there'; it's about knowing what you want, pursuing it, and seeing how you feel about it. In your case, what you wanted was a column.
I wouldn't date her.
I'd fuck her, but I wouldn't vote for her.
Really @Brian? On what do you base this assertion? I'm a single woman in Detroit and my CL attempts have been MISERABLE. I don't get 100 responses – first of all, the ad is never up long enough to get that many. I may get 10-20 in the five minutes the ad is up, and usually it's closer to 99.8% are unacceptable. And I don't mean "don't make $100,000/yr and look like [fill in movie star]." I mean men who clearly didn't read the post at ALL and/or are married and/or send me a picture of their penes. Yes, often all three at once.
I'm with @Jezebel up there. Using CL to DATE is a fool's errand. Now, if you're a BBW who wants your slit and hole licked, I know just the site.
The best "I did it for Science" yet!
agreed. more!
you sound like kind of a nightmare.
funny stuff, I have ONLY met ASSHOLES on CL..so I only read them for giggles now and then.
I once posted a funny ad that garnered over 300 responses in a space of 8 hours..out of all of them,after screening for wack jobs..ONE turned out to be sane.. HAHAHA
How much is a lot? 200.
Fucking classic.
I have done my share of CL dating, although in Joisey and I just LOVED this article! So, so true. Maybe emailing back n forth a bit might have weeded out some of the canceling/noshow guys, or maybe it wouldn't have (based upon my experiences). I think you portrayal is pretty accuate and gives other woen a peak inside the CL world to see if they really want to enter it.
As a sane guy, I would never look for a date on CL. I only use free sites with some kind of matching tools, like OKC. So articles that tell me that the people that use such sites -- and those they find -- are not exactly prizes are a little redundant.
I had lots of fun with CL dating/hookups in NYC. I also had to bounce back from the second guy I met who took one look at me IRL (after we'd exchanged nude and face photos) and wouldn't even have a drink with me, and I came into the city from Ridgewood! Maybe he didn't know what 5' tall meant? Others ended up being pals. On the whole I think dating in NYC SUCKED, most happy couples I knew were dating their friend's roommates. Now I'm living with a guy I met on a list-serv, how 1996 is that?
forget about the topic even...the writing was fantastic....
write about something more important next time....
we want to hear more from you...you're obviously a bright thinking young woman....
but don't put yourself within hand reach of jerks
i want to date you just cause you're funny and smart
i don't want to date you just cause you're a smoker and have a little bit of puke in your mouth
I agree - this experiment is totally beneath you. You are obviously too intelligent - surprised you would even try this - it's crazy and asking for trouble. Your writing is exceptional - you should find another platform that is worthy of your talent!
Addendum to lament recorded by a prior commentator: The odds appear to be even worse if you are looking for a reasonably attractive and normal woman who DOESN'T SMOKE! Can't stand being within 10 ft of someone like this, and sure wouldn't want to date one: Bad breath, stained teeth, and almost certainly not remotely athletic. Less likely to take care of herself in other ways as well.
Smoker. Gah! To add insult to injury, there's that little pocket of puke in the mouth.
What a great read! Thank you for your expiriment, oh how I love the
view of THIS sort of stuff through others eyes. Thanks for being as
detailed at you were. I could never do the dating thing via internet so
it was a little peak into that world.
Aww I enjoyed reading this. It was very funny and charming...what a cool experiment. I don't though, if I'd be able to meet total strangers and go on dates with them. Unfortunately, the news and the current state of the world has made me too paranoid in doing that.
Oh, the mysterious flagging that craigslist does also called ghosting. Craigslist is known to flag ads even if they are legit and ghost them. They even keep tabs on email addresses and practically ban people from posting ads even though they claim they don't ban people. Enough about craigslist and their crappy site, your article is interesting. Men usually get a bunch of ads for dating sites and adult verification sites instead of legitimate replies to their ads.
I really liked the article, and the very cool blog
I really liked the article, and the very cool blog
Frankly, you sound like a bit of a bitch. Sorry 'bout that.
Frankly, Dirk smells. And I'm not too awfully sorry 'bout that. :}
Seriously, I was surprised when my W4M ads got flagged and removed, as they were about as innocent as they come, but I do enjoy imagining a bunch of bitter 50-year-olds gang-flagging as they commune over the X-Box about what "bitches" we all are! Sweet!
Hi, I am looking for a decent looking guy,who is not weird, but decent in character as well.First, dating in a public place is perfered, from there it is see as we go. I am 5ft. plump, but I have started working out to improve my health. My hair is long and black. My eyes are choclate brown. I am white.I prefer to dating a white guy, native american, asian, or mexican. I am a LADY!
nice article... i saw your post... and didn't reply... due to the revealing of the experiment... so your sampling population was skewed...