As instructed by my dealer-cum-pharmacist, I cut the dime-sized 100mg tablet in half and knocked one back with a glass of water. I knew that Viagra takes twenty-five to forty-five minutes to kick in, so Erica and I sat down to watch American Idol.

Immediate physical reaction
After twenty minutes, I began to feel queasy and flushed, but I attributed this as much to syrupy renditions of '70s ballads as anything else. Glancing in the mirror, I saw that my ears and cheeks were rosy. According to the "literature" I'd downloaded from Pfizer's website, Viagra's intended effects are noticeable only once you get an erection. Because I live in a state of perma-arousal, within a minute or two I had a woody so hard that a cat couldn't scratch it.

A little background info: a man experiences different types of erections, from "The Barfly" to "The Thumper." Viagra had given me a pulsing, monster Thumper. To say it plain, my dick felt like it was going to explode. Instantly, I was in that sublime zone between being ridiculously aroused and having to think about Al "Grandpa Munster" Lewis on the crapper to keep from shooting my bolt.

Tactile effect
Other than the, uh, physical changes, the main difference was mental. The inherent disconnect between my genitalia and brain widened exponentially. Penises are often referred to as tools, and that's exactly what mine felt like: a woodlike, dildonic prosthesis that was being ridden with little emotional or physical input from me. The experience was strangely feminizing: for the first time, I was a passive partner during sex, able to fuck without necessarily being turned on or even having my head in the game.

Duration of sex
As expected, intercourse went on for ages. I could have lasted all night, but at just over two-and-a-quarter hours, a chafed, tired and slightly dazed Erica called time. I pulled out and she jerked me off over her boobs. The orgasm was amazing and powerful. I came a lot. A whole lot. Like, something reminiscent of Peter "Two Quarts" North. Erica and I looked at each other, aghast as a bovine volume of come showered the general vicinity. We started cracking up before I was done. I stopped laughing when the usual refractory period didn't follow — my erection simply wouldn't go away. After twenty minutes, I became concerned. I needed to pee. Badly. Ten minutes later, my erection deflated just enough to allow a painful, wildly imprecise squirt. After that, I returned to a semi-dormant state.

Sensory/mental images
For ten minutes while we were screwing, every time I blinked I'd see large blue dots, about the size of a dinner plate as viewed from three feet away. I would've been alarmed, but I had read about this side effect on the Pfizer website earlier. Apparently, some men have blue-tinted vision for the better part of their experience. On one hand, that's alarming. The upside, I guess, is that you can pretend you're banging Smurfette.

Assistant's reaction
Erica didn't note major differences in my technique or presentation, other than a red complexion and a slight emotional distance.

Comparison to drug use without sex

Next: It's time to get laid while getting infinite — magic mushrooms are up next.

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