I'd heard conflicting reports about sex on coke. Some of my friends who tried it ended up with wieners as stiff as a sock full of porridge. That said, I once read about this German guy who would snort coke to maintain an erection for long periods of time. He then decided to inject his penis with a cocaine solution that would give him an all-day erection. Three days later, his member turned purple, then black, then had to be amputated along with his testicles and all of his fingers and toes.

Other than that, I'd never really thought about what sex on cocaine could entail. I mean, I know what I'm like when I'm on coke: chatty and teeth grind-y. I guess I'd always thought that, in theory at least, doing a line off a girl's ass might be hot.

Immediate physical reaction
Feeling a bit James Spaderesque, I chopped out a big line on Erica's tanned, flat stomach, rolled up a dollar bill and snorted away. I was immediately familiar with the drug's bitter taste and subsequent tingle. I did another line and was pleased not to notice the wilting effect that my friends had experienced.

Tactile effect
I'd never really done anything remotely physical while on coke, aside from some light dancing and animated chatting with anyone who'd listen. (Incidentally, an ex once told me that she found a line or two handy while motivating herself to go to the gym.) After a little while, I became acutely aware that my heart was pounding fiercely. I did another line off the small of Erica's back and got behind her. I was stiffer than a roll of quarters, and I wanted to fuck hard. My heart pounded faster. I imagined news of my "pulling an Entwhistle" being delivered to my editor, and his face ... oh, the horror! Hyper-awareness turned to fear. After a few minutes of imagining my heart exploding, I decided to let Erica get on top.

Sensory/mental images
My eyes were as wide open as they would go. A mild tremor ran through my body. I felt the need to anchor myself to Erica. I gripped her waist as tightly as I could and dug my fingertips so far into her ass cheeks I'm surprised I didn't leave permanent indents. I felt kind of nasty, like some awful Wall Street archetype. I tried to push the image of Gordon Gekko out of my mind, to no avail. I barked orders, ground my teeth and spoke with my jaw clamped tight, sounding like Miss Hathaway from Beverly Hillbillies.

Assistant's reaction
Envy and contempt. This was the drug Erica had the most reservations about. Of the potpourri of substances she'd done in the past, coke was her favorite. In fact, she had a little habit. Doing blow in front of her was like handcuffing Betty Ford to a case of Crown Royal.

Duration of sex
About twenty minutes. With cardiac arrest imminent and Erica licking her lips ravenously, I decided to quit while I was ahead.

Comparison to drug use without sex
When there are no strangers around to tell you how wonderful your shitty little life is, half of cocaine's appeal goes right out the window. Coke jibes well with me in a social setting, but shagging on it was alarming. I felt disgusted with myself and sorry for putting Erica through it.

Next: What have we learned from this experiment?

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