I Did It For Science: Female-Friendly Porn

All my liberated friends were into it. Why wasn't I?

By Libby Rumelt

Hypothesis:

I am not a porn watcher. Ever since my parents discovered my middle-school best friend and me doing searches on Yahoo! for dirty words, I’ve had bad feelings about pornography. Every time I've seen porn since, I've always ended up feeling as though I’ve eaten a whole box of cookies — sick to my stomach and wondering why I went against my better judgment.

On occasions when my silly drunk friends want to watch porn, I giggle along with them at first. But after a few minutes, I always start to feel bad. It all looks so fake and sleazy, nothing like what I want sex to be like. I know whoever I'm watching is getting paid for their performance, but I still feel like I'm taking advantage of them, or, stranger still, they are taking advantage of me. The overtness of it all makes me feel as though porn is meant to be the be-all and end-all of sexuality. If that's the case, then maybe it means I don’t like sex, period. And that really freaks me out.

This hangup of mine wouldn't concern me if I weren’t such a frequent masturbator. It’s been a major pastime since I was a little girl; and for most people, watching porn and masturbation go hand in, uh, hand. Moreover, I proudly consider myself sexually liberated — a woman in control of her sexuality, not some sexless conservative housewife. It was okay in my teens, but as I moved into my twenties, being a girl who was “into porn” became almost chic in my circle of enlightened friends. Sex columnists tout porn for women, magazine articles claim that one quarter of porn searches were done by women, and yet I still remain outside the loop. Could I really be more conservative than those millions of porn-loving women? There's only one way to find out.

Materials:

• PornHub.com

• Vibrator

• Two hands

• Open mind

Results:

I decided to start with PornHub.com, for two reasons: I had a boyfriend and friends who I knew visited it, which made it feel at least a little familiar. Also, while PornHub itself is massive, it’s but a drop in the ocean of internet porn. I was terrified of what I’d find if I just started entering phrases into Google.

In addition to sticking to PornHub, I was also going to try to stay within the “female friendly” category. As condescending as that name was, I imagined female friendly porn to be exactly the kind of porn I would like: centered around female pleasure and devoid of anything on the more violent side. The site’s sidebar advertisement featured a girl being choked and pounded so hard her body bounced involuntarily, and that was exactly the kind of thing I was trying to avoid.

Once inside the supposedly female-friendly zone, I instantly gravitated to the girl-on-girl category. I decided on a clip featuring two blonde friends, which I believe was called “I’ll take care of you." According to the blurb, one of the friends had just been dumped and was seeking comfort, communication, and probably some head from her friend. Was it a cheesy porn cliche? Yes. And yet, inexplicably comforting. 

I started watching the scene, my vibrator at the ready. Any minute now they would stop talking about the not-so-cute blonde’s breakup, tears would be dried, and I’d be watching some full-on faux-lesbian porn. Five tedious minutes and one awkward transition later, the blondes were making out and before long, the unattractive one was getting some head. This aroused me considerably more than her crying had. The noises she was making were still robotic and not very well acted, but the honest effort of her friend’s mouth made up for it. I grabbed my vibrator and went to it. Surprisingly, it did the trick. Twenty minutes in, and I was off to a pretty good start.

Watching lesbian porn, however, still felt like cheating. The aggressive, male-oriented part of porn was what made it intimidating. To really do what I’d set out to do, I needed to see some dick.

Here’s where I got a little lost. The sheer quantity of heterosexual porn was mind-numbing. Hundreds of videos. Thousands, in this one section on one website. So I panicked and and clicked on something called “Yoni Massage.” It was exactly what you might imagine “female friendly” porn to be: a whole lot of soft lighting, Indian chanting, and an aftershave model giving a lady with shiny, perfectly tousled hair a back massage. Then, they launched into a passionate make-out session.

Commentarium (78 Comments)

Apr 22 11 - 12:28am
phineas

As an aside, and as a female, I do find the assumption that i'll prefer soft core porn because it's 'more for women' more titillating than regular porn, irritating. Soft core isn't nearly explicit enough for me to get off on and I find the plastic boobs a distracting turn off.
Another thing: nothing makes me shudder more than watching a woman finger another woman with long, sharp fingernails. Can we stop having that in porn please? Ruins so many otherwise good girl on girl porn.

Apr 22 11 - 5:21pm
tb

So, SO with you on the fingernails thing. Yeowch.

Apr 22 11 - 10:19pm
Kn

I always think that about the women with the fake nails that's why i like porn for lesbians that are actually made by lesbian directors the actress are aften even partners in real like and cover a broad spectrum of women i didn't think i would like the boi on boi but it was hot, i'm not into strap-ons and tend to fastforward but still miles better than the "lesbian" porn made by straight men for straight men one of the dvds is call "the crash pad"

Apr 22 11 - 10:19pm
Kn

I always think that about the women with the fake nails that's why i like porn for lesbians that are actually made by lesbian directors the actress are aften even partners in real like and cover a broad spectrum of women i didn't think i would like the boi on boi but it was hot, i'm not into strap-ons and tend to fastforward but still miles better than the "lesbian" porn made by straight men for straight men one of the dvds is call "the crash pad"

Apr 22 11 - 10:21pm
Kare

I always think that about the women with the fake nails that's why i like porn for lesbians that are actually made by lesbian directors the actress are aften even partners in real like and cover a broad spectrum of women i didn't think i would like the boi on boi but it was hot, i'm not into strap-ons and tend to fastforward but still miles better than the "lesbian" porn made by straight men for straight men one of the by women for women dvds is called "the crash pad"

Apr 22 11 - 10:21pm
Kare

I always think that about the women with the fake nails that's why i like porn for lesbians that are actually made by lesbian directors the actress are aften even partners in real like and cover a broad spectrum of women i didn't think i would like the boi on boi but it was hot, i'm not into strap-ons and tend to fastforward but still miles better than the "lesbian" porn made by straight men for straight men one of the by women for women dvds is called "the crash pad"

Apr 22 11 - 10:24pm
Kare

I always think that about the women with the fake nails that's why i like porn for lesbians that are actually made by lesbian directors the actress are aften even partners in real like and cover a broad spectrum of women i didn't think i would like the boi on boi but it was hot, i'm not into strap-ons and tend to fastforward but still miles better than the "lesbian" porn made by straight men for straight men one of the by women for women dvds is called "the crash pad"

Apr 22 11 - 10:27pm
Kare

sorry about the multiple responses my comptuer was being dumb

Apr 23 11 - 11:43am
yikes

Kare/Kn, a little punctuation goes a long way...

Apr 22 11 - 2:09am
kait

I'm only interested in watching guy-on-guy. Women in porn are so fake, from the boobs to the orgasms. I just feel bad for them.

Apr 22 11 - 2:15pm
dude

Completely agreed.

Apr 22 11 - 3:53am
balthazarrr

One of my female roommates was a big fan of Corbin Fisher's American College Sex series. Straight, and sometimes bi, sex with the action focusing on the guys involved.

Apr 22 11 - 4:13am
eugh

Why does Nerve have so many sex-negative writers? Shouldn't a healthy view of porn--or at least, a lack of shame around masturbation and ethical pornography--be prerequisites for contributors to a website that revolves around sex?

Apr 22 11 - 4:40am
bp

There's nothing sex-negative about this article. Everyone has hang-ups. It's the lack of awareness or willingness to face them that makes someone sex-negative, and this writer is honest, inquisitive, and introspective. That's all we can ask of each other and this sort of exploration should be encouraged.
That said, she approached this from an uninformed place, and it shows. There are certainly better places to look for and find ethical, woman-centered porn.
Finally, having a preference for not using porn is by absolutely no means a sign of shame, particularly when the individual in question is doing their best to make an informed decision.

Apr 22 11 - 5:52am
S

God, it's this sort of peculiar piety that makes me cringe at the term 'sex-positive'. It's not 'sex-negative' to say that some porn disturbs, angers or even disgusts you. Jeez.

Apr 22 11 - 6:29am
lezley

Talking about sex requires that you understand that sex takes place in broader personal and social spaces. Otherwise, you're not talking about sex, you're just advertising it.

Apr 22 11 - 6:50am
lezley

Sorry, I can't let this shit go. Okay, I am a mostly gay girl, and I do like me some porn now and again. But I really don't like "sex-positive lesbian porn for lesbians," which always strikes me as one long big subcultural validation/bonding experience I don't feel like I need, at least not when I am just trying to get off. I like watching pretty girly-girls with long hair and landing strips and flat stomachs getting huge dick(s). Does this make me sex-positive, because I know what I am into and accept that, or sex-negative, because I'm into "mainstream" porn with all its negative sociocultural spinoffs?

Apr 22 11 - 10:40am
perry

Totally agree that this is a ridiculous comment. The term "sex positive" has turned into a joke because of comments like this.

Apr 23 11 - 12:09pm
ae

i love sex. i hate porn, or at least the majority of it, because girls are being exploited. i would not call that sex negative.

Apr 23 11 - 6:47pm
eugh

So, perhaps "sex negative" isn't the best word choice, but as a regular reader I am occasionally surprised by the kind of vanilla hangups that Nerve articles sometimes center upon. Not only that, but I don't understand what articles like this are meant to do. I don't think I learned anything new by a typical "I didn't like something, I tried it, now I kind of like it" narrative...couldn't any of us write this, and better, about our own experiences?

Apr 24 11 - 7:13am
bp

But it's okay to have vanilla hang ups! I don't actually consider the porn hang up vanilla at all, and I spent about four hours last week training a handcuffed man to take something up the ass for the first time in his life while he whimpered and thanked me and called me Mistress. But I struggle with the ethics around porn, even though I watch and read it faithfully. I daresay compared to what I'm in to, most of the people I walk by on the street every day are very vanilla by comparison. And compared to many of my friends, I'm not extreme at all, and they think my limits are adorable. "Aww, isn't that cute? She won't play with shit!" There's nothing wrong with that.
Second, I don't think having hang ups based around ethics and imagination should be considered vanilla at all. It says something nasty about our culture that being desensitized to the exploitation, violence, and false sexuality present in the most readily available porn is considered normal or desirable. Isn't being edgy/kinky/extreme at least in part about taking the road less traveled, which this author certainly is?
But I do agree with you on the last point. In terms of what the mainstream considers extreme or edgy, many of us could have written a more daring article. In my final evaluation though, I have no problem finding accounts of more typically kinky sexuality. I really actually appreciate the unique viewpoint brought forth in articles like this. I do think it's pretty unique to evaluate porn based on ethics and its actual effect on one's sexuality instead of prudishness or, at the other extreme, the need to be considered edgy or liberated based on other people's standards.

Apr 24 11 - 7:21pm
eugh

I wasn't judging the author's hang-up (or the broader and complicated issue of personal response to pornography) but more questioning the relevancy of this article in this particular website, which ostensibly is liberal-leaning, cutting-edge, and supposed to reflect a young and modern idea of sex. Basically, this essay articulates conversations I had with sexually conservative friends in high school, when religious ethics and guilt were still large factors in our sexual expression, and so I, personally, found this article to be kind of irrelevant and its ultimate conclusion to be "....so what?". And I find that upsetting and frustrating on a website that I look to for a more sophisticated perspective on sex.

Oct 19 11 - 11:37pm
clearly

It seems this article did its job by promoting a more liberal, less restricted and afraid view of pornography from the point of view of someone who was once afraid of it. The author's opinions on what she did and did not like just make the article more personal and less of an advertisement. It is meant to encourage women not to steer away from pornography based on their presuppositions, and it did just that.

Apr 22 11 - 5:02am
S

Softcore and hardcore should be so opposed to each other. They could stand to learn a thing or two from each other.

Also, I am repulsed by most explicit porn. I usually end up browsing the "wild and crazy" categories for short clips of crazy, but fun stuff. I'm also a big fan of sybians and the like, gay porn with twinks who don't look soulless, and gangbangs...but certainly not gangbangs where the women look like they hate it.

Apr 22 11 - 6:39am
Biggie Smalls

firstly, i thought this was a reasonable article.

i enjoy porn but definitely find some of it a turn off or even repulsive. i want more clips where the women are actually enjoying themselves- i've been watching more amateur stuff recently because it seems a lot more genuine.
and what the hell is up with these extreme close ups? does anybody actually like them?

Apr 22 11 - 9:21am
Phee

Reminds me of an old Robin Williams schtick. Paraphrasing here (hey I said it was old) '...there's a reason your face is up here with the kisses and the loving looks. Down there looks like an industrial film, covered in fur. Nobody wants to see that...' Well, obviously not 'nobody' but I know I don't really.

I enjoy porn on occasion. I like watching with hubby, I like watching alone. I like seeing something and thinking 'hey, that looks neat, maybe we should try that soon' and then there's the giggle-fest of 'omg that looks painful, how did she bend that way?'. Healthy sexuality means having an open mind. Hubby and I joke that I'm tri-sexual. I'll try anything once, more if I like it. There have been a few ideas put in the Hell Yes column, and more than a few in the Uh Nah, I'll Pass column. But ya never know if ya don't try.

Apr 22 11 - 5:13pm
geebee

Probably in the same piece Robin expounds on why women are the major stars in porn. "A woman having an orgasm is the most beautiful thing in the world. A man having an orgasm looks like Goofy"

Apr 22 11 - 10:28am
Me

Ages ago I completely got turned off from professional porn actors and actresses. I became an avid fan of amateur porn, the people are real. The sex is real. The orgasms are real. Not all porn is for everyone, but looking around and finding out what works for you is why the internet exists. Have fun, click around and judge no one for their preferences.

Apr 22 11 - 10:47am
BB

This article is kind of lame. Sorry. That's the only porn the writer could think to watch? Personally, I like the amateur sites where people (couples sometimes) upload their own videos. It tends to be more realistic and less stylized--more like the sex that real people have--like the writer said. I would also suggest the Tony Comstock films with couples having sex. As a woman, it's not that I look for porn that's all lovey dovey let's cuddle--more than the majority of porn is so unbelievable, it's really hard for me to get into it when it's so obviously fake. I would also suggest written porn and erotica. The huge market for romance novels tells you that women respond to the written word--perhaps more than visual imagery. In any case, I wouldn't assume that I was going to find the best porn at pornhub. There are so many more options out there if the writer hadn't been lazy about it.

May 01 11 - 2:22am
Jilder

This. It's a bit like saying you hate restaurant food because McDonald's tastes like shit.

Sep 20 11 - 9:02pm
molec

Completely agree. Thousands and thousands if not millions of women have done this very same experiment and found the exact same results. Between linking the videos mentioned or actually researching sites who cater to women (which are more often paid sites because of the production costs), this article could have been a lot more informative than it was simply a disappointing study we've all tried ourselves.

Apr 22 11 - 12:35pm
John

My guess you are having a voyage of self discovery. The porn industry takes many different avenues catering for the bulk of men and women. For those who prefer to be turned on mentally, there are plenty of sex stories and trashy novels in print and online to cater.

Imagination is the most powerful sexual tool since the brain is the largest erogenous zone, stimulate it correctly and you have waves of pleasure at your fingertips.

Apr 22 11 - 12:47pm
LAC

"As the clip I was watching drew closer to its inevitable end, I hit the pause button and did something only a girl would do in the middle of a series of cumshots: I thought about my feelings." Surely you don't think that "only a girl" can engage in self-reflection? Contrary to popular belief men's brains don't turn off the moment their dicks get hard, and we're still capable of ambivalence even mid-ejaculation.

Anyway, as others have said, amateur porn would've been a better choice, though everyone should remember that amateur porn can be "faked" too. It's a heck of a lot cheaper to pay a couple people to film themselves with a cheap cell phone camera, and call it "real life amateur sex", than to hire a full crew.

Apr 22 11 - 2:44pm
LM

I'm a woman and I like porn, but I don't understand why most porn sites assume that straight women all want to watch videos of women getting off. Judging from this article, I suppose some do, but since I'm attracted to men, I am more aroused by seeing men experience pleasure. That said, most heterosexual porn is really fake and have women clearly not enjoying themselves, which is a turn off for me, so I stick to amateur couples or male masturbation, occasionally some guy on guy.

Apr 22 11 - 5:10pm
KC

Same here. I"m a straight woman who doesn't care for heterosexual porn. It just looks so fake and the woman inevitably looks like she's faking it. Most women don't come purely from vaginal penetration. With gay porn, it' s harder to fake enjoyment and what's not to like about two hot guys going at it.

May 01 11 - 3:35pm
lulu

yeah i don't understand this either. obviously everyone gets off on different things but as a straight women i'm really only interested in watching men. gay porn is like "double the pleasure, double the fun."

Apr 22 11 - 5:22pm
Molly

I am a woman and I like porn. I like heterosexual porn mainly and like penetration and I like MMF's but then maybe I am weird....LOL. However I also recently discovered a site called ifeelmyself.com which is dedicated to the art of the female orgasm. Their videos are sensual, sexy and highly erotic and above all REAL. There is nothing fake or acting, it is real woman cumming for the camera.

Mollyxxx

http://mollysdailykiss.com/

Apr 22 11 - 7:29pm
MRAGH

I only watch amateur porn, and I much prefer the romantic scenes that involve a lot of kissing and other "non-porn-actress" activities. So much more realistic... I also think there far too many bald crotches in porn... is the percentage of real-life women who are completely shaven anywhere near as high as it is in porn?

Apr 23 11 - 12:11pm
ae

yep. in the younger generation.

Apr 23 11 - 2:21pm
lezley

If you're under 30 it's no stranger than shaving your legs...

Apr 24 11 - 11:01pm
gimpseeker

I'd say 75% of the women I've slept with in the past ten years have had some level of depilation.

Apr 25 11 - 1:14am
jennifer

I'm 24 and I think it's pretty much expected to be mostly, if not, completely hairless. More maintenance, sure, but I also think it feels better.

Apr 22 11 - 9:42pm
Sin

Oh wow, you watched some porn on the internet? By yourself? How crazy and adventurous.

Yawn.

This is pathetic. I don't know why you guys even attempted to keep this going after the brilliant Grant Stoddard left. Get him back, please. Send this chick to an adult theater to watch porn and suck anonymous dudes off while her boyfriend waits outside and THEN I will consider it on par with what Stoddard wrote for you.

Apr 23 11 - 4:55am
bp

I personally couldn't really stand Grant Stoddard, although if you brought back Rev. Jen Miller...

Apr 23 11 - 6:45am
lezley

um, because then it would be yet another drama-queen look-at-me writer doing something that, while cringeworthily funny occasionally, has no actual resonance whatsoever for nine out of ten people reading it? It's like Dan Savage. When he's answering poo-eating-cousin-fuckers, it's hilarious, because most of us have no investment whatsoever in it. When he starts talking about what monogamy means, it's a lot stickier because it's actually relevant to a lot of people.

Apr 23 11 - 2:37pm
nope

Yeah, this article didn't exactly offer any deep insight or reflection, so I'm gonna go with "bring back the funny stuff." Most of what Grant covered wasn't something I'd actually do, but it was something I had a vague curiosity about and it was always interesting to see how that played out.

Jen Miller was also funnier and more adventurous than this, though.

Apr 23 11 - 1:48am
Side Effected

I love porn, but I have noticed the effect that the writer talked about, where you try and go to your imagination and all that pops up are montages of porn. I didn't worry about my boyfriend watching porn at all til I realized how bereft it leaves your erotic imagination. No wonder he seems like he's going through pre-planned steps. He is.

Apr 23 11 - 7:53pm
AT

The documentary "The Price of Pleasure" does a pretty good job at showing why most heterosexual porn looks "fake." It's not actually fake, since those things are done to real women's bodies. If it looks like it hurts it probably does and that person actually felt the pain. I feel really sad that actual human beings have to go through that to make a living (or who knows under what conditions those things are filmed and if it's actually not coerced) and that some people even get off on that. (Seeing other people suffer makes you come? type-of thing)

Thanks for the article, it was a refreshing take on porn, that we don't really get to read about in mainstream media.

Apr 24 11 - 11:06pm
gimpseeker

Internet porn may well be one of the most powerfully addictive and un-natural things we've unleashed on the world in recent times. What is it doing to young men's perception of sex? (Not that women are unaffected by it of course, just that men are the main consumers).

Apr 24 11 - 11:32pm
Bruce

Most porn is pretty bad. But, you never know when you will see something that works for you. I have no idea if this is true or not, but I have read that a lot of women porn actors much prefer to do girl-girl scenes simply because they are a lot easier to do--and a lot less wear and tear (sometimes literally). For me, the best stuff is from the Golden Age '70's--with real, natural bodies, pubic hair, and often a lot of humor.

Apr 25 11 - 3:04pm
Peter50

"Sexual Exploits of Jean Val Jean" - a great one for either sex. Impossible not to enjoy this one

Apr 25 11 - 11:23pm
John

I'm just happy to finally see "I Did It For Science" back. More please!

Apr 26 11 - 12:35am
JustMe

Fleshbot.com is all I have to say. The best way I have found to explore what kind of porn suites me best, it covers everything. I recommend it to anyone who will listen.

Apr 26 11 - 12:41am
JustMe

Nerve was on of the first things I came across that introduced me to erotic images, and writing, and it was fantastic and daring. Of course, that was back in the early 2000s. It's weird to see an article like this here when Nerve itself used to be so damn sexy. It's sad that I Did It For Science has come to this. Nothing interesting was shared, and totally not funny. I think I keep coming back hoping that one day it will magically be the awesome Nerve again.

Apr 26 11 - 10:34am
What?

What was my favorite series, one that I'd wait weeks for anxiously and often reread several times, has come to this? Very disappointing.

Apr 28 11 - 12:07am
jv

i'm assuming someone already implored the author to explore violetblue's site?
http://www.tinynibbles.com/
not meant condescendingly... she's just all about females and porn and has all sort of great literature and links to hot material.

May 03 11 - 10:17am
angelo

To true based off OP. I got to the point where porn became disgusting so much so I took 30 days off from porn and mind you it was hard to do. Because when it was over I fell back into that same rutt of porn parousing. I didn't think of porn as a serious addiction till then. There should be three tiers or porn: Mature - sensual lovemaking with out the cut aways seen on cinemax; Porn - for things to rough but not deadly; and Gros- everything else to fall into this category.

May 04 11 - 7:10pm
Wow

I have had almost this exact experience. I very recently dove into the porn world after my boyfriend suggested it - honestly, it was not something I had thought about, all I knew was my finger and imagination worked amazingly everytime. I must not be very adventurous.

While good porn turns me on fantastically, it seems so difficult to find. Or at least I have to wade through websites with clips of what can only be described as sexual abuse, so much that by the time I find a video that might be good, I'm completely turned off from sex. Normally I retreat to the safety of girl-on-girl, where even if it is fake (and yes, do not understand those nails either! ouch!), at least they're normally not in pain.

It made me think I would never like heterosexual porn, which made me ashamed to admit I didn't like porn. I figured people would find me sexually repressed or... sex negative haha. Finally I found a heterosexual amateur video where... ok the woman was still pretty fake, but they were both attractive people who seemed to be enjoying what they were doing and mimicked the sort of sex my boyfriend and I have.

I wish that sort of porn didn't get lost in all of the women-suffering porn that completely drains my sex drive for the rest of the day.

So I say kudos to the author for describing the experience some sex-positive women go through when trying to enter the realm of porn. I think it's an accurate assessment of a good number of women.

Sep 07 11 - 9:14pm
very naughty

It's too bad your post here is more link-bait than substance. One site leads to another, and another and another, no doubt generating referral fees for at least one web site owner.

It would be nice to see a "flag for abuse/self-aggrandizement" button on this page.

Aug 23 11 - 3:54pm
rtyecript

I really liked the article, and the very cool blog

Sep 07 11 - 9:20pm
very naughty

"I stumbled across a scene featuring five men and one women — still in a category claiming to be friendly to women."

Yup, very friendly. I have first-hand experience in that area, and it took hours for the woman (women) to get enough. The "hard work" was worth it to see the HUGE grin on her tired face after she asked how soon we could do it, and her, again.

I applaud the author for being bold enough to play scientist, and more so for her candor about her sexual limits, which sound like they could use a little pushing. Not to worry, it's often fun! ;-)

Oct 09 11 - 10:25pm
jen

Excellent article. I'm going through this very experience right now.

Nov 06 11 - 12:38am
diamond

EXCELLENT ARTICLE.

Nov 26 11 - 1:57am
maddy

I can't believe that someone out there feels exactly the same way I do. This was a great article, thank you so much and I'm so happy to have read it and to see that there are others out there that feel the exact same way about watching porn and feeling that there's no "thought" in the videos out there.

Dec 07 11 - 2:49pm
Victoria

I am totally feeling this article. And I feel totally awful because I'm married. I masturbate all the time (like 2x a day at the least) because my husband seems to think that’s what women want; the very thing in these hardcore porn films. We have been married for 6 years and I have been keeping count of the 13 orgasms that he has given me. And I'm an avid porn watcher and like Pornhub , but I always search words like “kissing, passionate, or romantic” to really find the quality porn that I am looking for. Another thing that I have turned to is erotic fiction books; they seem better then porn lately.

Dec 10 11 - 12:31am
Andreea

I'm a straight female and nothing arouses more than watching guy-on-guy porn. There's just something about two guys doing it.

Dec 10 11 - 12:33am
Andreea

Good looking hot guys, of course.

Dec 11 11 - 7:46pm
anonn

Writing out my own fantasies is more satisfying than pornography. It's hard to describe why but the thoughts inside my head are better than what some frat dude on his day job comes up with.

Dec 12 11 - 7:15am
J

personally, I find using my imagination to be the most effective. :) erotic literature is good too. I can't take most porn seriously. Cum shots just kill the mood for me. I have never met a person in real life (man or woman) that likes that.

Dec 24 11 - 2:39pm
N

I liked this article. She's honest and forthright, and she's not ashamed to admit her inexperience or her curiosity, which takes courage. There's nothing wrong with innocence, and there's nothing wrong with becoming more experienced, which is what she does throughout the course of the article. We should all strive to never make others feel ashamed about their particular mix of inexperience and experience. THAT'S sex positive for ya.

Dec 24 11 - 2:49pm
N

P.S. Exposing one's inexperience and curiosity also take intelligence, and I appreciate the author's writing style: intelligent, focused, simple, refreshing.

P.S.S I'm a guy, BTW.

Mar 19 12 - 3:59am
Abby

This is exactly how I feel! I am just recently trying to find peace with porn and it is very encouraging.

Mar 26 12 - 4:13pm
Michael David

I'm a guy and for years I was okay with "regular" porn, but as I am now entering my late 40's I'm not "okay" with it anymore. The trend has been toward more "gonzo" productions, which frankly repulse me. I suppose I am entering a period of my life where I am much more comfortable with "female-friendly" porn.

I wanted to second what some other poster said about X-Art, it fits the bill for what this author , and I were looking for. No, I do not work there, I don't get paid by them, I'm no shill. I just stumbled on it one day by accident (I won't go into how that "accident" happened). It has really excellent photography, with custom, quality music and features beautiful people who seem to be in love (or do a very good job of pretending). No camera work where you are focusing in on endlessly ramming body parts. The people (particularly the women) are smiling and seem to be very much enjoying every thing that is going on. The men are attractive, loving and gentle (but they can get rambunctious at times). The emphasis is on romance, although there is no talking or "scenarios" like there is in some porn where the people having sex attempt to act, pretending to be some plumber getting lucky or whatever. At X-Art we are just voyeurs entering the bedroom as two people that love each other get it on.

The people are mostly younger folks, lots of "teens in love" but many look like they are in their early to middle-twenties. At any rate, it was what I was looking for in porn. As a side note, Lars von Trier, the director of such critically acclaimed films as Breaking the Waves, Dogville (with Nicole Kidman) and Dancer in the Dark (and recently Melancholia) had a company that produced "female friendly" porn (Zentropa which is now defunct because of industry pressure). Some of the films were, Constance (1998), Pink Prison (1999) and the adult/mainstream crossover-feature All About Anna. Cosmo ranked Pink Prison as #1 in its Top Five of the best women’s porn, calling it the "role model for the new porn-generation". His work created a new wave of female friendly porn producers, with directors such as Anna Span, Erika Lust and Petra Joy. So, you might check out some of these films, and look for films from these female directors, if you want to find some decent female porn.

Apr 28 12 - 4:51pm
dsigner

The trouble with porn that there is depressingly little love, and even less affection. People don't actually make out. That even in the amateurs hardly "touch" each other. Unless I am missing something. So yes, I think imagination is better then watching boinking. And, why all the "come" all over endings. Do women actually enjoy this... It doesn't seem so?
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May 26 12 - 11:55am
Andre

I was indeed surprised you didn't look for female-friendly erotic films, because a 5 minute porn clip, even female-friendly, isn't going to cut it for the ladies.
Porn clips are short, so they are generally more direct in sexual acts - which tends to favor stereotypical hardcore porn.
On the other hand, Erotic films are at least 1 hour long, plenty of time to be truly female-friendly, since women enjoy kissing, soft and light touch - which of course takes time, making films the better choice for women.
Try it out, you will probably enjoy it more.

Jun 30 12 - 10:19pm
peekay

fake has sidelined the real.good article for it raised genuine issues.porn is what i get for 'non-porn.male-dominated approach hurts!amateur or 'real' carry that.comments complement it.but surely money-making & dominating porn has to be changed into obvious affair as day & night.IN

Jul 17 12 - 7:13am
Muddie

is it sick to admit you only watch porn until you find someone you know?

Look, I look at images now and then but they are fairly non appealing. I really dont understand the attraction that much.

I do understand the voyeuristic relation thing tho.

Good read. Thanks for sending the imge files!

Aug 08 12 - 2:54am
Sohayla

I was excited for the first half of the article. Partly, because I'm also a confident lady who discovered the joy of masturbation around age eight. Mostly, because I also experience guilt around what gets me off. Like the author, I know giving into the more aggressive stuff will get me off quick, but I don't like how it makes me feel about myself. What kind of sick woman enjoys empathizing with a woman who's being brutalized. I thought I was going to enjoy this article because I thought this was the route she was going to explore. She shied away. I appreciate that she opened up the conversation, but I wish we could all just explore this uncomfortable territory together so we can come to more authentic peace with our impulses.