I Did It For Science: Sex on Acid

Our scientist opens the skirts of perception.

by Jack Harrison

 

Experiment

Some time back, our original erotic Jacques Cousteau, Grant Stoddard, wrote an I Did It For Science about drugs, testing how pot, shrooms, coke, ex, and Viagra each affected his sexual exploits. He left out the harder stuff: heroin, since normally sex on heroin means the unsavory giving of the former to get your fix of the latter; PCP, since a mid-orgasmic dive out the thirtieth-story window is counterproductive; and acid, since it's notorious both for killing erections and relationships. On acid, it's said, the stakes of everything are raised very high, and if you and your lover aren't on solid footing, things can go awry fast.

But sometimes science demands taking risks. So I'm going to augment his research by trying the last of those three, believing that even without an erection, sex (or at least sexuality) on acid has enormous potential. And I'm willing to put my relationship at risk to see if more happens than the non-reaction Grant had on shrooms.

Hypothesis

Being with my girlfriend on acid will intensify all our everyday dynamics and bring out the reality of our relationship, for better or worse.

Materials

• my beloved
• liquid acid, one drop per person

Method

One problem with Grant's mushroom experiment was that he did it outdoors and didn't keep an erotic focus from the get-go. By the time they made it back to his room — having had some fruitful conversations with a squirrel — Grant said that sex was the furthest thing from his mind. As a result, certain key hydraulic actions failed to take place — penis-wise.

It's true that hallucinogens are famously bad for erections, but we all know that stiff members aren't entirely necessary for quality romping. So I met up with S. at my place on a sunny weekend morning, and by noon we had each had a drop placed on our tongues (by a mysterious stranger whom we never saw again).

Our plan was to spend the day on my rooftop and in my bed. I had plenty of food and drinks, so we wouldn't have to have any outside contact, much less chance of things getting out of control. I turned off my phone and computer, and, not having a doorbell, knew we couldn't be intruded on. We were perfectly safe.

Observations

Not that I have any experience in this domain or anything, but I got the distinct impression that the particular acid we took was benevolently suited to the experiment: it was pretty mild and much more cerebral than visual. Instead of being overwhelmed with everything around us breathing or pulsating or melting (watch out for that!), we were both able to relax.

We started on the roof, but eventually made it back downstairs, and when things really kicked in, we found ourselves entwined and laughing on my duvet. Grant said that in his mushroom adventure, he and Erica ended up spooning. But what S. and my bodies were doing was more akin to assimilating one heated liquefying spoon into another. Though on the outside, we might have looked like that famous photo of Yoko and John, to me it felt more like kudzu growing over an elm, where each of us was both elm and kudzu.

I hadn't eaten much that morning, so I was feeling more wonky than S. While entwined, we were in pretty consistent hysterics (us wondering whether a passerby would be able to tell that we liked each other; me saying that trumpets are like assholes and I like the saxophone more because it's more like a pussy... yes, it was all much funnier while tripping). But then we started to just lie there quietly, on Willy Wonka's train to the farthest regions of the brain, where I began thinking about kinds of orgasms that aliens might have, and then about kinds of orgasms humans could have, if only we could figure out how.

NEXT: "I put a blindfold on her and began to intensify my attentions..."

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