Love & Sex

This Hilarious Grandmother Explains Why You Need to Try Semen Facemasks

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Stella Ralfini is totally insane, but her skin is radiant for her age.

There are a lot of people in this world who are batshit insane who also happen to usually be right. Kanye West is one. Stella Ralfini, a 67-year-old British sex therapist who recommends smearing cum on your face for healthy skin is apparently another. Stella is really bananas. Like, certifiably bonkers. For example, her #1 book on Amazon is only #1 because she declared it NUMBER ONE BOOK in the title. Another one of her books (more like a pamphlet, tbh), Sex as the New Religion, is a lot of spiritual jargon and crazy assertions, such as "sex cures cancer" and "Jesus was a sex guru and the Bible is written in code that when deciphered instructs us how to get the snake that lives in our spinal cord to slither up to our brain." 

But here's the thing: the "Magnetic Embrace Lovemaking Technique" that is Sex As the New Religion's reason for existing actually sounds beautiful and satisfying. It's about connecting to your partner and the universe through tantric sex. It's basically sexual meditation. I bet if practiced, it would help any relationship. 

And here's really the thing: Stella Ralfini's skin is great. She does not look 67. She looks 20 years younger. Clearly, her skin care regimen is working. If it involves smearing cum on her face, maybe we should all start smearing cum on our faces. Semen is free and plentiful (understatement of the century), and has all the naturally occurring proteins that L'Oreal or whoever has spent billions recreating in a lab. Semen creates life. Why wouldn't it preserve skin? 

If Stella Ralfini was your grandmother, you could go to her for advice and she would take 45 minutes to answer one question and she would talk about Mayans and the movement of celestial bodies and the time she met John Lennon and her answer would make no sense at first, but then when you extracted the meaning of what she said, she would be right. How awesome would that be? 

Image via Stella Ralfini.