Where the two pundits stand on the Nerviest issues of the election season.
This Saturday, Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly are holding a debate that promises to be significantly funnier than tonight's Obama/Romney face-off. In preparation, we're looking at how the pair stack up on the Nerveiest issues of the election season.
1. On Sandra Fluke
• "What is even going through Rush Limbaugh's fevered mind to get from 'young woman trying to get private institution to cover contraception' to 'prostitution, slut, having constant sexy-sex on my dime?'"
• "He seems to believe that anyone using contraception is automatically having… a ton of sex! And that contraception is something a woman has to pay for every time she has sex! And that the woman is nevertheless benefiting financially from all that dirty, contraceptive-fueled, dirty sex!"
• "Do you want to pay for this woman's birth control?… She wants everybody ['s contraception] to get paid for."
• "[She's]… demanding the taxpayer fund female birth control, abortion, and now transgender operations."
• "Sandra Fluke wants us to pay for her birth control."
• [On Fluke's motivation:] "Okay, I have a social life, and I want you to pay for it."
2. Gay Marriage
• "I think it's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights as someone else."
• [On Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day] "For people who are gay or support gay marriage, I get how seeing thousands of people come out to make this statement is incredibly disheartening, but take solace in this: gay marriage is happening. Like many drive-through window lanes, it ain’t going backwards. And your bonus is this: you get gay marriage, and all your political opponents are going to get is Type 2 Diabetes."
• "If you okay gay marriage, then you have to do plural marriage, which is now — has a name, triads. Three people getting married."
• "You would let everybody get married who wants to get married. You want to marry a turtle, you can." [O'Reilly has also previously suggested that gay marriage would lead to interspecies marriage between people and ducks, goats, and dolphins. — Ed.]
• "As a last resort. I'd rather have nice, responsible gay home than the system for kids."
3. Health Insurance Coverage of Birth Control
• "How is it that women can't get their pill and men can get their pill?"
• "…The Catholic Church says a boner is a 'need,' but not getting pregnant is more of a 'want?'"
• "Viagra comes under the government’s guidelines for a medical condition. Contraception doesn't."
• "This Viagra argument is another canard. Nobody is saying that American women should be denied insurance coverage if something is physically wrong with them, and that’s what Viagra covers for men, so this is B.S. And by the way, nobody is denying women birth control either. It’s on sale everywhere."
• “Liberal government is ordering companies to pay for breast-feeding stuff, all birth-control stuff, all preventative measures for doctors for ladies.”
• "Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality… Gay people don't choose to be gay. At what point did you choose to not be gay?"
• "What is the fear of the 'gay agenda' that has so upset people? Do people think that if gay people are given a place at the table, they'll be so convincing we'll all end up blowing them?"
• [In response to a a comment that homosexuality is "something that happens" instead of a choice:] “Well, then, let’s legalize drugs because it happens anyway.”
• [Regarding two teenage lesbians:] "High-school kids like to experiment all over the place… there's no reason Brandy and Lupe had to declare themselves anything other than friends."
• [On homosexuality vs. race:] "There's a difference between who you are and what you do."
• "The people that are pro-choice are not pro choice because it deals with the morality of when life begins or all that, they're pro-choice because it's a sovereignty issue."
• "[The debate] gets inflammatory with the idea that people who think women should have control of their own reproductive decisions aren't pro-life."
• "How is Gitmo so bad if abortion is legal?"
• "So my question is: are we now China in this country? If Planned Parenthood is advising women to abort because of gender choice, then we are China."