2. Gay Marriage 

Jon Stewart

• "I think it's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights as someone else."

• [On Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day] "For people who are gay or support gay marriage, I get how seeing thousands of people come out to make this statement is incredibly disheartening, but take solace in this: gay marriage is happening. Like many drive-through window lanes, it ain’t going backwards. And your bonus is this: you get gay marriage, and all your political opponents are going to get is Type 2 Diabetes."

Bill O'Reilly

• "If you okay gay marriage, then you have to do plural marriage, which is now — has a name, triads. Three people getting married."

• "You would let everybody get married who wants to get married. You want to marry a turtle, you can." [O'Reilly has also previously suggested that gay marriage would lead to interspecies marriage between people and ducks, goats, and dolphins. — Ed.]

• "As a last resort. I'd rather have nice, responsible gay home than the system for kids."