The Modern Man keeps over 200 photos of all his dates as public proof of his skills.
When I first came across "The Modern Man" dating coach, Dan Bacon, I was a bit dubious. What, exactly, makes this smooth-talking Australian entrepreneur any different from the myriad dating "experts" that overcrowd the internet? I'll tell you: this man keeps a photo album of all of his dates and hook-ups on Google + and its wide open to the public. Yes, even you can peruse it.
It's a bold, confident move—a bit reminiscent of the "sex lists" that the media simply loves to berate. Only the intent here isn't specifically male bravado. Bacon offers up the photo album as proof of his competence and evidence that his teaching techniques really do have a tangible, quantifiable skirt-clad result. I talked with Bacon about his Modern Man approach, what he really thinks of pickup artists, and what, exactly, is up with that "proof" album.
So, you used to be shy and unsuccessful with women? How did you go about your epic transformation into a man that women might want to date?
Yes, it all started when I was trying really hard to find myself a girlfriend. Conversations with women were going nowhere. My sister thought it was because I was meeting the wrong girls. It wasn't. The conversations were going nowhere because I would appear nervous and tense when talking to women, which turned them off. I would just have straightforward, logical conversations about work, where we both lived and how old we were. After those "formalities" were out of the way and I had successfully made the woman feel as though she'd just been through a job interview, there wasn't much else to talk about.
I said to myself, "That's it. I'm sick and tired of this." I was lucky enough to meet a new friend and we made a promise to go out every weekend together to approach women until we figured out how to successfully attract them. My friend went down the pickup artist path and was using lines and tricks that he found on the internet, while I focused on being natural, building my confidence. Initially, we both got rejected. But after a few months, I had become a lot more confident and was able to relax and be myself around women.
And that worked, of course?
Personally speaking, it eventually got to the point where women began trying to pick me up and were being really obvious about it, even to the point where they would get frustrated with their girlfriends in a group for talking to me. It got to a point where it was "too easy" to find myself a new girlfriend. After a year and a half, when the same thing kept happening each weekend or each time I went out to meet women, I realized that I'd finally worked out what guys all over the world wished they knew. That's when I began thinking that maybe I should help other guys.
And now you’ve helped over a 1,000 guys get dates. What makes you qualified?
That's a great question and it makes sense to ask it because traditionally speaking, a person needs to get a university degree of some sort in order to be qualified to provide specialist advice or care. However, when it comes to the area of approaching and attracting your ideal woman into sex or a relationship, that's not something they're teaching at universities. I got my "qualifications" by going out there and approaching hundreds of women until I worked out how to do it.
I then ran weekend courses for clients pretty much every weekend for about 5 years, which means that I've approached thousands of women and gotten way too many phone numbers, one night stands, and parting kisses that end with "Call me!" I even coached guys on two TV shows and was happy to "put my reputation on the line" and do it. Of course, the guys did well and everything went smoothly, which was great.
Even drowning in a sea of numbers, have you wanted to settle down?
After showing guys how to approach women since way back in 2005 and having way too much fun out there with more women than I can honestly remember, I am now in a committed relationship with my ideal woman. We live together and actually bought two kittens the other day, so it's pretty serious I'd say. My focus now is on relationships and deepening the love between a man and woman. In the modern world especially, both the man and the woman simply can't expect that the other person will stick around for life. You've got to be good at loving each other and you need to get better and better at it each day.
What made you interested in helping others?
I know how much it sucks to be rejected by women pretty much every time you try, even though you're a good guy. It's a horrible feeling when you see women lusting after what you perceive to be a "lesser man" than you, while you go home alone again and feel disconnected from the world around you. I just knew it was my duty to help other guys like me. I'm still 100% passionate about it to this day.
You said in an interview that women really want men to be as challenging as other women in conversation. Do you support what is commonly referred to as negging in the pickup artist community?
I definitely don't relate to the pickup artist community or agree with their manipulative tactics, such as negging or using routines like pre-scripted conversation. I've never gotten involved with the pick up artist approach because it is based on covering up one's flaws (lack of confidence, lack of understanding about what women actually want in a man, lack of emotional masculinity, lack of social intelligence, etc.) instead of fixing them. The approach that I've always used and that I've always taught is about being a strong man mentally and emotionally, understanding what women really want, being a good guy alpha male, improving your social intelligence and social skills, and going after what you want in life and with women.
What’s your personal success rate?
Basically, most women I meet like me and would love to be with me. That's just how it goes because I am now naturally attractive to women.
When a woman meets a man who is confident, charismatic, "cool," and masculine, she can't help but feel a natural attraction for him. If he also knows how to connect with her and makes her feel a wide range of desirable and exciting emotions during an interaction, it's only natural that she's going to like him and be interested in experiencing more of him. When a guy improves himself and develops the traits that are naturally attractive to women, it actually gets to the point where he has to turn down offers from women because so many of them are interested in him at once. To some, that may sound unrealistic or impossible, but it's actually quite normal for guys who are naturally good with women or who have learnt how to be that good with women, like I have.
One thing that’s really interesting about you and your service is that you provide photos from your personal life as proof that you’re actually good at picking up women. What made you start that “proof” album?
Initially, it was just a way to help inspire the guys who visit to my site. I've had many guys say that they look through my photos to get motivated before going out on to approach women on a Friday or Saturday night. Additionally, I've always been open and transparent about who I am. Unlike most "dating gurus" online, I use my real name and post up photos from my personal life. I have nothing to hide and I tell it like it is.
Are women okay with this? Do they even know about it?
Back when I first started offering courses to men in bars and clubs, hardly anyone knew about it and many women were shocked when I eventually told them. Many women who I was dating would ask, "So, I am like an experiment or something?" which was a perfectly valid question. It was annoying for me, though, because I'm always so honest, so telling them about my profession would often cause things to end shortly after that. Over time, I realized that only a certain type of women would be accepting of my job, so I made sure not to date women who couldn't handle it. The women who can handle it are confident, attractive women who have more of an open mind about things. My current girlfriend doesn't care what I do. She just wants me to be happy and is proud that I'm so passionate about my work.
So the women are in on this project and open to being documented?
Yes, I always tell women that I help other guys to approach women and find themselves a girlfriend. As for showing photos of my personal life; that's completely normal these days, in this age of social media and life sharing.
That's a really fair point. Does being a dating expert actually make you more attractive to women because of the ballsy statement it’s making to them?
Absolutely not. In fact, it's a turn off to some women because they don't want to feel as though they are being used as an experiment or counted as another "notch on the belt." What makes me successful with women is my confidence, masculinity, charisma and social intelligence – not the fact that I help guys overcome their confidence issues and learn how to talk to women. Women like me for me, not for what I do for a living.