Love & Sex

Meet Your Favorite Websites’ Most Eligible Single Staffers

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Bright-eyed creative types from Jezebel, The Onion, Buzzfeed, and of course, Nerve.

In a spirit of media community and in honor of Valentine's Day and our new dating site, we asked our favorite websites to nominate their most eligible single employees and tell us a little about them. Next time you're on the internet, ask these people out for coffee. (If you drop us a line at submissions@nerve.com, we'll forward your love notes, sonnets, etc.)


photo by Nikola Tamindzic

Dodai Stewart, Deputy Editor, Jezebel

"Dodai's got the sort of laugh that could melt the polar ice caps and submerge the coasts. Her wit sparkles more than all of her impeccably selected accessories combined, and being around Dodai makes a person smile more and hate everything less. Plus, she's got a great rack." — Erin Ryan, Jezebel

"Every time I run into Dodai in the office, she is dressed to the nines, quick with a smile, and ready with a laugh. She's so perfect that you kind of want to hate her, except you can't because she's so damn fun." — Brian Moylan, Gawker

"Dodai is able to rock a bow or giant flower in her hair and look like a sophisticated lady, not like Minnie Mouse, which is tough to do. Also, when we have parties with Jezebel readers, she's the editor everyone wants to meet. You probably want to meet her too." — Anna North, Jezebel

Two truths and a lie about me are… 
I was once in a beauty pageant. I can name the nine muses. I would never sleep with a cabana boy. 

If a friend were visiting from out of town, three things we'd have to do would be… 
Drinks on the roof of the met, weather willing. Friday night fights — boxing/muy thai — at the hall at St. Paul. Vietnamese sandwiches on Grand Street.

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
I have to make my own decisions! Or at least let some tarot cards do it for me. But I would trust Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Oprah, or Auntie Mame.

What did you do last night?
Last night I ate a couple of tacos at Tacombi and then met friends for drag-queen bingo night. I didn't win anything, but I saw a Frenchman naked. 

www.jezebel.com

Dorsey Shaw, 34, Video Editor, Buzzfeed

"Dorsey is so friendly and he wears the best sweaters. Not in this picture, though." — Ashley, Buzzfeed

"Dorsey Shaw is a certifiably sane human being with a tendency for the interesting." — Lindsey, Buzzfeed

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be…
Move to San Francisco or New York. RIGHT NOW.

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
Kim Gordon, Queen Elizabeth I, FDR, and John Waters. Yes, I need more than three people to tell me what to do.

You come into possession of a comically oversized bag of money. How do you spend it? 
The Jeremy Piven hair transplant, duh.

www.buzzfeed.com


photo by Anya Garrett

Lang Fisher, 32, Writer and Director, Onion News Network

"What can you possibly say about Loulie Langhorne Fisher that hasn't already been said? I suppose you could say she's a real 'Bitch On Wheels' or even a major 'Slut-O-Saurus-Rex.' Those things have almost certainly never, ever been said about Lang before — the 'Slut-O-Saurus-Rex' thing in particular could very well be a first, in regard to the English language — but that's because they would be absolutely, categorically untrue, and how dare you? More to the point, Lang is one of the warmest, smartest, funniest people I know, and, if I were still a man (baboon heart), I would find her irresistible. Quite simply put, Loulie Langhorne Fisher is the very best the Planet Earth has to offer, as far as our living, breathing organisms go. Additionally, she has expressed a desire to be 'up to her P in D before February is out,' so have at it, fellas!" — John Howell Harris, Senior Writer, The Onion

"Lang Fisher is like a bag of jelly beans that you find on your pillow next to your face when you wake up in the morning. At first you are delighted because jelly beans are sweet and colorful and this is an unexpected treat. But then you start to think: How did this bag of jelly beans get onto my pillow? Did someone sneak into my room and put it here, next to my face, while I was sleeping? But how is that possible, since my bedroom door is locked? Am I even sure these are jelly beans? The more you consider it, the more you realize this bag of jelly beans is strange and mysterious, perhaps even magical. All of which makes the jelly beans even sweeter. She's also a good dresser." — Dan Mirk, Senior Writer, Onion News Network

"An agent once told Lang that, as a funny woman, she's a 'unicorn.' Obviously that guy was a prick, but she really is a rare combination of funny and smart and fun to be around." — Carol Kolb, Head Writer, Onion News Network

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
William Wallace, Rasputin, Gloria Estefan — let's just see what happens there.

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be… 
So, my advice to you would be…Whoa, you're a moody little thing, aren't you? Wait, are you gonna cry? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Oh no, you're really crying. Can I get you a tissue? Jesus effing Christ. Pull yourself together… You don't need to be bitchy, I said I'm sorry. Fine, yeah, go ahead, stare out the window and crank up your Mazzy Star some more. Forget it.

You come into possession of a comically oversized bag of money. How do you spend it? 
I'm not totally sure how much money could fit in a comically oversized bag of money. Is it in the millions? If so, I'd sensibly invest in real estate and purchase an awesome Brooklyn townhouse. If it were less than that, however, like, say, in the hundreds of thousands, I would probably just blow it on a NYC parade in my honor filled with costumed miniature horses, an urban high school step team, the Macy's Spider-Man balloon, Stevie Nicks, and all of the Real Housewives from every city. 

What did you do last night?
Last night, I took my mother to visit my brother's apartment in Crown Heights Brooklyn and tried to convince her that it was a safe neighborhood for a twenty-five-year-old hipster to live in. We ate a lot of cheese and crackers at his apartment, and looked at all of his bartender/sculptor roommate's very interesting wall art. We tried to stream an episode of Breaking Bad on his, ahem, projector, but his Wi-Fi was terrible, so it took close to two hours to watch it. My stomach got upset from too much cheese… and then went to Vegas with Diddy! That last part is a lie. 

www.theonion.com

Amelia McDonell-Parry, 32, Editor-in-Chief, The Frisky

"How is Amelia amazing? How is Amelia not amazing? She's one of the most kind, intelligent and fun people to be around. She's super-funny and independent, but also able to be awesomely supportive. Oh, and plus she has a really cute dog." — Julie Gerstein, Style Editor, The Frisky

"Amelia is smart, successful, funny, opinionated as hell and way too much fun to hang out with. Did I forget to mention hot too? For a really good time, ask her to speak to you in her dog Lucca's voice." — Ami Angelowicz, Sex & Relationships Editor, The Frisky

Two truths and a lie about me are…
I wrote a Star Trek novel when I was twelve; I have two tattoos that I don't hate but don't love either; and I could have been a professional dancer but chose to pursue writing instead.

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be…
Speak up! I was so quiet and shy as a teenager. I wish I had stood up for myself more — I had it in me (I'm bold and opinionated now), but I was scared of judgement. Also, don't cut your hair off like Gwyneth Paltrow — it will look like shit on you and take years to grow out properly.

You come into possession of a comically oversized bag of money. How do you spend it?
Take my mom on a much deserved vacation! She works very hard and is a wonderful human being; she deserves to travel on a (fairly) unlimited budget. And so do I.

www.thefrisky.com

Sophia Rossi, 30, Co-Founder, HelloGiggles

"When I think about Sophia, I usually think about what a good listener she is and then I think about what a good dancer she is. Her dancing intimidates me." — Molly McAleer, co-founder HelloGiggles

Two truths and a lie about me are…
1) I love talking on the phone. 2) I have an arm full of friendship bracelets. 3) I'm obsessed with talking about juice.

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be…
I would tell myself, "don't be so excited to drive" because you will hate giving your friends rides when you're older.

If a friend were visiting from out of town, three things we'd have to do would be…
1) I would let them pick what they wanted to watch from my selected list from TiVo. 2) I would take them hiking. 3) I would take them to see a movie at the ArcLight because you can pick your seats.

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
1) David Sedaris, I think he would pay attention to detail and be really descriptive in telling me what to do. 2) My partners Zooey Deschanel and Molly McAleer, they fill a part of my brain and heart that is missing. 3) Judy Blume. Do I really need to give a reason?

www.hellogiggles.com

Dylan Lathtop, 25, Editorial Designer, GOOD Magazine

"Dylan Lathrop hasn't saved my life yet, but not for lack of trying. Those eyes." — Tim Fernholz, Business Editor, GOOD

"GOOD Magazine is filled with single people (we do a lot of mingling with caffeine, burritos, and copy over here). But one of us rises above the rest: Dylan Lathrop. Dylan is a charming big-city editorial designer in touch with his modest Wyoming roots. Matthew McConaughey's agent called and he wants his perfect romantic comedy premise back. Good luck, ladies." — Amanda Hess, Lifestyle Editor, GOOD

"Dylan has all sorts of fascinating secret skills. Late one night shortly after I started at GOOD, a bunch of us drunkenly decided to go bowling. Dylan decided not to bowl, electing to sit behind us with his brush pen and a cocktail napkin (never not art-ing, that one). But twice, people asked him to take their turns for them, and twice he threw strikes. Then he proceeded to absolutely destroy me in air hockey. I've seen him pull similar stunts several more times since then, and the only conclusion I can come to is that he's good at absolutely everything." — Megan Greenwell, Managing Editor, GOOD

Two truths and a lie about me are…
Can do the worm on command, though needs about ten minutes to recover from any injuries incurred during worming. Played in six bands from the ages of fifteen to twenty. Was the 1999 Wyoming State champ in Mutton Busting. 

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
R. Buckminster Fuller, Paul Rand, and my mom.

You come into possession of a comically oversized bag of money. How do you spend it?
Pay off loans, donate to charity, look into buying a portion — if not all — of a sports team. Just not a terrible one, like the Chicago Cubs. 

www.good.is

Olivia Hall, 24, Editorial Administrative Assistant, xojane

"Olivia is a fascinating young woman. One minute she and I are watching 120 Days of Sodom and the next we're watching Kourtney and Kim Take New York. She'll make you kale chips, but then she'll demand you buy her a rare steak. She's a true Renaissance woman. She's also extremely beautiful — very interesting looking with really daring sunglasses. And while she's a tough-cookie native New Yorker from the LES, she's also a sweetheart who calls people 'sweetheart.'" — Madeline Cronin, xojane

"First of all, it goes without saying that Olivia is a catch because we don't let anyone work at xojane.com unless they are hella trill (did I use that right?). Uh huh! Olivia is a swag bitch and an undercover fox who is hot to trot. But really what I like most about her is her sense of humor, which is very dry and sharp but not show off-y or even overt. She is mature and just a cool girl, especially for someone so young. And of course I am obsessed with anyone who takes photographs as beautifully and as naturally as she does. Date this bitch! And douse her nubile naked body in diamonds!" — Cat Marnell, xojane

"Little Olivia is a sexy cross between Zoe Kravitz and Christina Ricci. Born and raised in Manhattan, she has that self-assured, wise-beyond-her-years-ness that sets her apart from other basic bitches. Olivia is just as happy chilling at home with some steak as she is staying out til the early a.m. at one of the city's hottest night spots. An up-and-coming photographer, Olivia has shot everything from the AVN red carpet in Las Vegas to Courtney Love's West Village townhouse. If it sounds like Olivia might be too cool for you, that's because she is. Get in line, fools!" — Julie Schott, xojane

You come into possession of a comically oversized bag of money. How do you spend it? 
I would rent a black Cadillac convertible and a chauffer and drive up and down Park Avenue eating endless ammounts of chocolate-chip-cookie-dough ice cream in a brand-new, oversized fur coat while listening to Michael Jackson at full blast.

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be… 
Keep doing what you're doing, but stop blacking out.

Two truths and a lie about me are…
1. I am a Swedish citizen. 2. I once had a pet chameleon named Stuart. 3. Every night I sleep with a stuffed pig in my arm. No matter who is in my bed, pig gets priority.

www.xojane.com

Ben Robinson (left), 30, Senior Editor of Thrillist and cofounder of TheKingsburyFactor.com
thekingsburyfactor.com

"This guy is disarming. Upon first glance, he looks like he's too cool — with the sneaks, the shades, the token graphic tee. But upon chatting with him for no more than three minutes, you discover that he's funny. Not 'haha' funny, but for real funny: clever, smart, make-your-insides-hurt funny. Ben's one of the good ones. Also, his shoe collection probably rivals your own. LOCK THIS ONE DOWN, OKAY?" — Stacey Britt Fitzgerald, Thrillist

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
Jimi Hendrix, Siddhartha Gautama, and Ken Jennings.

You come into possession of a comically oversized bag of money. How do you spend it?
A microbrewery, a trip to space courtesy of the Russians, and a fleet of DeLoreans.

If a friend were visiting from out of town, three things we'd have to do would be…
Hit the Natural History Museum, Bemelman's Bar, and Joe’s Shanghai.

www.thrillist.com

Courtney McGowan, 24, Associate Editor at Guest of a Guest

"Courtney is bitingly witty, ferociously edgy, and smarter than an owl. She has a knack for puns, and is quite the stylish dresser. With hair blonder than a Barbie and legs for days, Courtney is a catch and half." — Chelsea Burcz, Associate Editor at Guest of a Guest

"As anyone who is lucky enough to know Courtney would tell you, she is quite the catch. Through her passion for writing, Courtney is able to share the perfect mix of intelligence and wit. When she's not working on the site, you can often find her jamming out to her favorite tunes at one of NYC's hot spots or cheering on the Rangers at the local bar. Oh, and did I mention she's hot?! This blonde beauty is in high demand… so get in line, boys!" — Rachel Herman, Advertising Director at Guest of a Guest

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be…
Be yourself, girlfriend.

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
Brian Williams, Brian Williams, Brian Williams.

What did you do last night?
Went down to Chinatown and checked out Andre Saraiva's new club, Le Baron. It's a magical place.

www.guestofaguest.com


photo by Chris Hardy

Isaac Fitzgerald, 28, Managing Editor/Part Owner, The Rumpus
http://www.isaacfitzgerald.net/

"Some of you know him as the managing editor of the @The_Rumpus. I think of him as my SF guardian angel." — Maddie Oatman, The Rumpus

"A walking, writing, rump-bumping, well-read bear hug." — Wendy MacNaughton, artist

Two truths and a lie about me are… 
I was once given a sword by the king of Bhutan. There are multiple warrants out for my arrest in multiple states. The first article I ever got paid to write was about being a bend-over boyfriend.

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be… 
Stop driving like an asshole.

You come into possession of a comically oversized bag of money. How do you spend it? 
On a comically oversized hot-air balloon.

www.therumpus.net

Bonnie Gleicher, 23, Assistant Editor at BlackBook

"Bonnie Gleicher is, by leaps and bounds, the most attractive and amazing person in our office. That's no easy feat, considering she counts fashion models, tech-geniuses, finance wizards, and an actual Parisian as co-workers. Bonnie's as fair as a field of wildflowers, as refreshing as a summer breeze, and as talented as every America's Got Talent competitor combined into some kind of super-competitor. She regularly turns heads with her inspired collection of winter scarves, reinforces bonds with others by sharing a generous assortment of baked goods, and makes us all feel dull and unaccomplished with her multiple Broadway appearances and growing catalog of songwriting credits — but then quickly bolsters our fragile egos with incisive, well-timed, and somehow sincere-sounding compliments. If Bonnie's not nerve.com's most eligible bachelorette 2012, the word — and the world — has no meaning at all." — Victor Ozols, Senior Editor of BlackBook

"Bonnie's [store-bought] cookies bring all the boys to the yard." — Chris Mohney, Senior Vice President of Content at BlackBook

"She's good girl. She don't have boyfriend." — Bonnie's favorite bodega owner

Two truths and a lie about me are:
1. I'm a nymphomaniac. 2. I have never wanted to be a zoo keeper. 3. I do not own a blender.

If a friend were visiting from out of town, three things we'd have to do would be:
1. Walk every inch of the city. 2. Eat as we move along. 3. Talk to strangers.

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose:
1. My dog. 2. My dad. 3. My third-grade self.

www.blackbookmag.com

Doug Levy, 33, Senior Editor, Flavorpill

"Doug is the right kind of nerd — one that has passionate views on everything from Neil Gaiman to Britpop, but never takes himself too seriously. He's a punny guy." — Leah Taylor, Managing Editor 

"I love Doug and think he is really special and want to find him a girl who appreciates his specialness. And I don't mean that in 'special bus' kind of way, I mean it in an 'great interests, opinions, and sense of humor' kind of way." — Danielle Brock, Marketing Manager, Flavorpill

"Doug is a lover of knick-knacks, paddywacks, and fantastically fun miniature creatures. He has a huge and loving heart, has sold more glow-in-the-dark mugs on Zazzle than any one of us would like to admit, and has the incredible ability of pairing cats with the ridiculous comments of our co-workers. While he may be no early bird, he is always up for a late-night adventure, a random concert, or a karaoke marathon in K-town. Doug for president." — Gabby Filasky, Project Manager, Flavorpill

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be…
Don't stop practicing guitar. It will be worth it one day.

If a friend were visiting from out of town, three things we'd have to do would be…
See a show at Bowery Ballroom, walk the length of the High Line, and go to the New Museum.

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
Kurt Vonnegut, Johnny Depp, and David Hume.

www.flavorpill.com

Mara Gay, 25News Reporter, The Daily

"Mara is one of the most stylish women in our office, and always looks amazing despite the fact we work in media and no-one in media makes any money. She's also witty, vivacious, and always willing to join colleagues for a drink after work, which makes her one of the most popular people in the office, naturally." — Carmel Melouney, The Daily

Two truths and a lie about me are…
1. I've ridden and been gored by a mechanical bull 2. I ran a half-marathon 3. I once moved to Kentucky for a job and it took me nearly a year to realize what I'd done, pack up my car, and get the hell outta there.

You come into possession of a comically oversized bag of money. How do you spend it? 
Per the request of my dear friend whom I shared this question with, I'd allow her to take photos of me holding it in various scenarios: At the end of rainbow. Dressed as the Hamburglar. Seemingly naked and covered in $50s in my bath tub (Mitt Romney, anyone?). I know I'm supposed to say something witty here, but obviously I'd do the usual… save some, pay off my parents' mortgage, give to charity, go on a shopping spree, yada yada.

www.thedaily.com

Kat George, 26, Writer, VH1

"Kat George has great tits." — Anonymous coworker, VH1

"Kat’s wit is sharper than a sword salvaged from ancient Japanese samurai communities, and her heart is bigger than her and I, combined. Did I mention she was adorable? Oh… and she has great tits." — Anonymous Nerve staffer

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be…
Take off those chaps. You're not Christina Aguilera.

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
Beyonce, John McClane, and Hamburglar.

You come into possession of a comically oversized bag of money. How do you spend it?
Can anyone say McDonald's party?

Peter Malamud Smith, 29, Editor, Nerve
theayeayes.bandcamp.com

"Pete's rumbling baritone is just as likely to lull you to sleep as to arouse you. He comes equipped with a patient, warming smile and eyes bereft of judgment that have the combined effect of making you want to bare your soul to him repeatedly. You would not be wrong to do so. He is as loyal and trustworthy as your best childhood pet, but with a substantially larger vocabulary. He also has a pretty good-sized dick. I know because he told me." — Garrett Carey, Nerve

"Pete’s a diamond in the rough. And, to back up my Aladdin-esque comparison, I will now present the following evidence: he’s incredibly kind, clever beyond belief, and dapper with a capital D. In short, he’s one of the loveliest guys I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. And, as if it could get any better — he also built a Great Gatsby-themed Nintendo game. And there go his two-truths-and-a-lie. Shit." — Marina Cukeric, Nerve

Two truths and a lie about me are…
I'm in the background in one of the classroom scenes in Rushmore. I occasionally squeeze into gold tights to play guitar in a Prince cover band. I co-created a video game based on The Great Gatsby.

If I could give my sixteen-year-old self any piece of advice, it would be…
"Dressing presentably" and "treating other people with some modicum of respect" do not constitute "selling out."

If I had to appoint a panel of three people, dead or alive, to make every decision for me, I'd choose…
Sigmund Freud, David Lee Roth, and my cousin Judith.

Want to meet other single people with interesting jobs? Check out Nerve Dating.