Love & Sex

Sex Is the Only Gift Men Want for Valentine’s Day, and That’s Missing the Point

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You never know what you're gonna get.

Yesterday I was at Victoria's Secret after the underwire on my favorite lady-wrangler popped out and stabbed me in the boob. I trucked through the displays of pink frilly push-ups and satin chemises to find the one, plain, normal black bra. Because it's hard to come across undergarments without front-facing bows and superfluous glittery medallions attached, I bought two. As the nice saleswoman rang me up, she handed me a huge box of chocolates. "This comes free with a purchase of over $50. Happy Valentine's Day!" she chirped as I felt annoyed the box wouldn't fit in my backpack. The subtext was that the only people buying lingerie in February are either those trying to seduce a man or a man who wants his woman to do some seducing. The chocolates, well, those are just an added bonus to give to your man along with your body. The funny thing is, men don't really want anything for Valentine's Day. Well, at least anything other than sex.

According to a survey from the curiously named RetailMeNot.com, two-thirds of men and 30 percent of women say they'd rather have a roll in the hay than get a gift on Valentine's Day. And the Chase Blueprint Valentine's Survey found 43 percent of men and about 20 percent of women could do without the flowers, silky undergarments, and Russell Stover mystery cherry goo. But the weirdest part of the immense popularity of vying for sex instead of a Valentine's gift is that the two are absolutely not mutually exclusive.

In fact, up until these survey results, I was pretty certain that part of the recommended "thank you" etiquette of a Valentine's gift was a swift kiss followed by vigorous, happy sex on the nearest piece of upholstered furniture. Unless you're still bottomed-out at the carnation level of your relationship, I figure the person for whom you're trolling through the aisles of your local shopping mall is also the person with whom you'd love to bone after receiving Book of Mormon orchestra seats. Sex on Valentine's is not an either/or situation. If you are doing it right, it's an and/and.

So let me introduce this fascinating and revolutionary concept to you, ladies and gentlemen: You can have sex after you receive a Valentine's gift. You can have sex before giving a Valentine's gift. You can even screw, with or without accompanying gifts and even on days which have nothing to do with fat little cherubs and their pointy arrows. If we're going to have so much fanfare surrounding romance once a year, it's okay, even normal, and expected if it comes hand in hand with a little sex. As for men wanting sex more than women do on V-Day, that's clearly a corollary response to not receiving stale heart-shaped chocolate from overpriced lingerie stores. They can have mine.

Image via Flickr.