Female • 18 • Thailand

We met in an expat bar in Bangkok. I had just graduated from high school and gotten a job as a nanny for an international family. It was my first time living outside of Canada. The guy and a friend of his sat down with two tiny Asian girls at a table near the one I was sitting at with a group of girlfriends I'd only just met. We soon started talking. He confided that he didn't know the girls his friend had invited along, that they barely spoke English, and that he was bored. He told me he was from Canada too, and it felt like we had something in common. He bought me a drink. He was in his late twenties, had an impressive career, and had lived all over the world.

I resented the fact that he had chosen to end it with me. I'd never even really kissed a guy before him, and he was sexually experienced, knew where to touch me and how. I didn't feel ready to end things, but I agreed that it was just as well that we just stay friends. Soon we were friends. We were both new to the city, and we would try new restaurants and bars together. He smoked Du Maurier cigarettes and told stories about exotic places where he had lived or traveled. It took a long time for him to kiss me, and when he did I was confused about whether I wanted to be friends or something more. Regardless, a week later, I went out of town for a weekend for my job, and when I came back he was seeing someone else.

But that didn't happen. We hooked up for months while he was seeing the other girl. He would tell me he wanted to be with me, that things with his girlfriend weren't working but she was emotionally unstable and he couldn't leave her. He kept pushing me to go further sexually, but I couldn't bring myself to lose my virginity to a guy who was cheating on his girlfriend with me. 

Eventually, his girlfriend went away to visit her family in Australia, and we spent the whole time together. We stayed in eating takeout and smoking pot, watching movies and fooling around. It felt like the "real" relationship I'd never had before. When his girlfriend got back, he broke up with her.

A few weeks later, we were fooling around in bed before he left for work in the morning. I was on my stomach and he was holding himself over me and kissing my neck, the head of his dick pressing on my cunt. I raised my hips towards him, and taking it as an invitation, he pushed forward and suddenly he was inside of me. I'd always thought we would talk about it beforehand — decide what to do. I'd thought I would feel more than I felt. It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel great either, and all I could think was, "Well, there goes that. I guess I'm not a virgin anymore." He was two hours late for work that morning and I found that oddly comforting. 

I hadn't felt ready, but I decided that since I'd already lost it I might as well keep having sex with him. I came to his place when I finished work that night and we had sex again, with me on top. That second time, I couldn't believe how good it felt. Our relationship lasted for nearly a year. Amazingly, when I found out he was cheating on me, I was surprised.

Next: "The rabbi explained the act with a lot of hand gesturing."