My First Time

Male • 16 years old • North Wales

I lost my virginity at sixteen, a great surprise to my otherwise sexually inexperienced self. It would be a further two years before I first fingered a girl, performed or received oral sex, or even had sex again. Also, I faked an orgasm.

It was during that period of life where you're too young to go out drinking, so you stay in and do it instead. It being summer, most of the party was happening outside. I found myself inside sitting on a sofa talking to a girl whom I knew to be significantly more experienced than me. I'm not sure whether I'd focused my drunk libido on her because of this, or if it was a happy coincidence.

Possessing a confidence that I wish I still had, I leaned in to kiss her with little to no flirting. We proceeded with a heavy makeout session. After spending an enjoyable time under her bra I moved a hand down to her crotch.
 

Illustration by Thomas Pitilli

We continued to make out at various points in the party until, drunk and exhausted at around three a.m., I collapsed in a chair to sleep. She then reappeared and led me upstairs. At this point I realised, despite my teenage ego's reassurances otherwise, that she, not I, was completely in control of this encounter.

We snuck into my friend's father's office where we recommenced. Shortly after becoming the first person to touch my post-pubescent penis, she asked, "Have you got a condom?"

I'm a sixteen year old boy! I screamed inside my head. I've been carrying condoms with me everywhere for years in the vain hope that someday they would actually be useful, of course I've got a fucking condom! "Er... yeah?" She then uttered what remains one of the sexiest things a girl has ever said to me:

"Do you want to use it?"

My erection now so hard it was painful, my libido whooping and cheering, I attempted to sound casual and instead emitted something of a squeak: "Yeah!" She kissed me forcefully and found my tongue with hers. I pushed her bra up over her breasts and enjoyed what was, to me, a new experience. She positioned herself over my erection and lowered down onto me. Within seconds of entering her I came. Thanking the heavens that between the darkness and the condom my orgasm was hidden from her, I carried on regardless, panicked and humiliated by my own sexual inadequacy.

Unfortunately, the male refractory period is mainly psychological rather than physical. Lust and desire are expelled with the sperm and though we can carry on physically (as I continued to do), psychologically we're not really there. This is an experience I'm sure many women are familiar with.

After about ten minutes of what was still enjoyable, if probably absolutely lousy sex — I began to appreciate both the time and how much I'd drank. I therefore became one of what I'm sure is a tiny number of men who have faked an orgasm.

We kissed for a while and she left the room to dispose of the condom. She didn't come back.

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