Love & Sex

My First Time: Female, 17, California

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Female, 17, California

Throughout my first couple of years in high school, I hadn't been in a rush to lose my virginity. "I'm waiting until marriage" is what my friends and I told each other when we were freshman. I had never kissed a boy at that point, so it seemed the rest of my sex life would go at a similar pace. Sophomore year came around and I was now "waiting until I'm in a serious relationship," just like a few of my friends had done. My relationship status never changed. For some reason, guys  in predominantly white cities aren't attracted to black girls, no matter how loud and ghetto I proved I wasn't. I wish it was an assumption, and not something they told me to my face. I did, however, make a little progress.

I had my first kiss (with a near stranger from far far away). I almost lost my virginity the same night. Fortunately, I hadn't shaved, and I'd watched enough porn to make me too self-conscious to even look at my ungroomed lady parts let alone let another person see them. When my junior year came along, most of my friends had lost their virginity, so I upgraded to "waiting until I met the right person." And I guess that was true. 

By my senior year, I decided that I'd had enough of being a virgin. I was "waiting for someone I could tolerate." On my very first day of school, I set my eyes on the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen. His name was Levi. He looked like if Ian Somerhalder and Gerard Butler had somehow created a baby, it could have been him. He was a douchebag, but he was still hot. I thought if anyone was going to take my virginity, it was going to be him. He and I got to talking. He had a titanium spine, and I was still a virgin, which I guess was a novelty when you're a high school senior. He told me he'd "always wanted to try a black girl," which irritated me a little bit because I'm not some exotic foreign delicacy.

We made plans to have sex one day after school when I was supposed to be volunteering. He drove me to his house and took me to his room where he proceeded to strip me naked and kiss me all over. It was like a movie. I swear, one minute he was kissing me, then fingering me, then eating me out. I was too shocked to return the favor. After two hours, we still hadn't had sex, and we both had places to be, so we got dressed and he drove lil ole still-virgin-me back home. Are you disappointed? Yeah, well imagine how I felt. Still, it wasn't for nothing. That whole experience led to me being far more comfortable with my body.

A week later, I met a guy while I was volunteering to put together Thanksgiving meals for homeless shelters in Los Angeles. He was a football player, albeit a less douchey one. We talked every once in a while, until Valentine's day, when we started talking nearly every day. I asked him to my prom because he was a junior and I wasn't going to spend my senior prom at some random school. The more we talked, the more I liked him, but he lived an hour and thirty minutes away. Alas, the week before prom, he told me he had a girlfriend. I felt like I'd just been hit by a car. 

The very next day, I went to my friend's birthday party. It was a pretty big deal for me considering I'm rarely ever allowed out of the house. I actually had a lot of fun despite being in emotional tatters. For some odd reason, there was suddenly this strange sexual tension between me and another male friend of mine. Even though he was drop-dead gorgeous, I'd never been attracted to him before. Three days later, I went up to him and said "So, I want to have sex with you." Just like that. It turned out he felt the same. For weeks, we said we were going to do it, but we just couldn't. Finally, at a blood drive two weeks before graduation, we decided to do it the next day before school. He told me to wear a dress.

God, what was I thinking?

We met in front of the school at 7:00. I wore a dress. I used my good razor that morning, you know, the one Gillette razor that comes in the thirty pack of really cheap Bic razors. I'd been saving it for that very day. We walked to the back of the school, joking the whole time. When we found some place next to some weird storage container suitable for not getting caught we just stood there. "So, how's the weather?" I finally said after five or six minutes of silence. He laughed. More staring. "Okay," he said as he took out a condom and started to put it on. Then he motioned for me to turn around. I turned around and pressed my cheek to the side of the container "I'll be look out," I laughed. I don't know if he laughed. Then he pulled my skirt up, fumbled with my underwear a bit, and then put it in. Not all the way. Just the tip. Five minutes of panting later, he exhaled with an air of finality and that was that. My virginity was gone. 

He and I still talk. We're actually really good friends, and even though it wasn't the classiest way to lose my virginity, I don't regret it; at least it was with someone that I was really close to.

Image via Instagram.