My First Time

Female • 17 • U.K.

I lost my virginity to a bandmate. He was the guitarist; I was the bassist. He was also my best friend in the whole world.

We were a quartet. My older brother was the voice. Our neighbor was the drummer, who gave the band its heartbeat. My bass provided the backbone. And there was Sam, and his guitar riffs and solos and electric melodies. I was in my early teens when my brother and Sam — his best friend — decided to become rock stars, and I begged them to let me be in the band. My uncle had taught me how to play bass guitar, and the guys couldn't find another bassist, so they let me join. I fought to stay in the band, and after a while they had to realize I was an integral part of it.

It was the most important thing in my life at that point. I didn't have many friends outside the band, and I was very close to Sam. I could tell him anything, and, unlike my own brother, he always treated me like an adult. It wasn't the patronizing "be nice to your friend's little sister" attitude; we were truly close, real friends. We cared about each other deeply, but we never felt anything romantic for each other.

It wasn't the patronizing "be nice to your friend's little sister" attitude; we were truly close, real friends.

Speaking of romance, I didn't have much luck with boys. Offstage, I was quite shy and socially awkward. By the time I turned seventeen, my only experiences with men were a few kisses. I never really dated, and I never had a real boyfriend. It was during that time I've realized I needed something more; I wanted to be loved and wanted, yes, to have sex. I guess I was high on hormones and emotions and I didn't have anybody who could receive all of it.

It happened that Sam was away for two months that summer. We all missed our jams, and we all missed him. When he returned, we played a reunion gig at  a local pub and then retired to the garage (which was our rehearsal place) for a welcome-back party. But after a while my brother and the drummer and the rest of the partygoers disappeared and Sam and I were left alone.

This wasn't the first time we'd been alone in the garage together, so nobody cared. But somehow, it was different. I don't know if it was alcohol or the fact we hadn't seen each other for a while. I was just so happy my best friend was back, and so overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness and by thwarted romantic expectations. With the help of alcohol, these things somehow got rolled into one, and Sam and I started making out on the couch. I don't know who made the first move, or why, but I think it was me.

Once we began, we didn't speak much. I just wanted him to hold me close, and he did, and then he put his hands under my shirt, and I touched him, excited to hear him moan when my clumsy fingers touched the tip of his penis. I don't quite remember what happened next, but I remember us, semi-naked in the dark, him on top of me, my legs spread. And then, after only a little hesitation, Sam found his way into me. I guess it took him some time to do it, but I was drunk and fully relaxed, and all I can remember is a slight discomfort, nothing horrible as I feared it would be. We'd followed each other so many times on stage that this just seemed like a variation.

We fell asleep on the couch, and when we woke up the next morning, our hangovers weren't our biggest problem. I hadn't felt it the night before, but I'd bled so much that I'd completely stained the t-shirt he put under me and soaked through to the couch. (Stains can be found to this day.)

We'd followed each other so many times on stage that this just seemed like a variation.

We cleaned the place the best we could and then separated. I climbed upstairs, and he went back home. My head wanted to explode. I wasn't sure about my feelings; all I knew was that I didn't want to lose my best friend. But at the same time, I was calm. What we did felt right to me, the only way it could be.

So I phoned him and asked him to come back to my place so we could talk. My mother was still asleep, and we talked in the kitchen. He felt really guilty about the whole thing. He thought he hurt me physically, and I did my best to explain I didn't feel that — that it was less traumatic than I expected it to be. He also feared he took advantage of me, that I should have lost it to my first love. It took me months to make him understand something that I instinctively knew that very morning: he was there for me when I needed him the most, and I could trust him. We might not have been in love with each other, but there was so much love and understanding between us. I trusted him with my life, and that's something you need from your first lover.

They say things like this change friendship forever. But Sam and I were fine, eventually. We are still best friends, and our band still makes some good music. What more could you ask for?

We're looking for stories about the first time you had sex. Email firsttime@nerve.com with 500-1000 words. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited.
FIRST TIMES
According to just about every pre-college advice manual, floorcest is a bad idea.
"So no, I didn't lose my virginity in the most traditional way."
"He looked like if Ian Somerhalder and Gerard Butler had somehow created a baby."

Commentarium (13 Comments)

Jul 19 11 - 2:23am
Delia

Loose ends tied up a bit too neatly..? Skeptical, I am. If it's true though, good for her - except the thought of the stains that apparently remain is disgusting.

Jul 19 11 - 2:48am
Hey Man,

Just for everyone's benefit; blood, semen, and other human proteins need to be cleaned a different way. Soak the stain with cold water before washing it with warm soapy water. If it has soaked into a couch, carpet, or something that cannot be washed, scrub with borax/water paste. (Dude, I sound like a mom)

Jul 19 11 - 8:50am
Austrian

I liked it! Sweeter than most...

Jul 19 11 - 2:22pm
Aufee

Sorry I'm not buying this one...all just a bit to convenient and tidy.

Jul 19 11 - 3:05pm
nah

Too neat and tidy because they stayed friends? She didn't freak out on him and demand a relationship and then get all moody and whiney when that didn't happen? Not all females work the same. I, myself, had a very similar situation happen with a male friend and it just seemed to make us closer friends. Granted, it wasn't my first time and I was a little older. If it's a true story and they were able to be mature, good for them. It doesn't always have to mean anything.

Jul 19 11 - 7:19pm
am

um, these sound like real people, like people I know. Sorry drama queen that it wasn't chaotic and dramatic enough for you, but I like it. It obviously was with a guy she trusted, who cared about her, who she was close to. Just cuz a relationship isn't all rainbows and babies and marriage and forever and ever doesn't mean that it is not Significant or Important. good for them.

Jul 19 11 - 10:25pm
HipHopHippo

Not real. Probably just has wet dreams about being a member of MCR, and wrote this after consulting fanfictions for advice on how sex "pans out".

"...I touched him, excited to hear him moan when my clumsy fingers touched the tip of his penis."

Yeah right, he probably had a headache.
At least she wasn't traumatized though.
~hippie

Aug 02 11 - 4:51pm
Simone

Well, not all girls are traumatized after their first time. Also, some are curious about sex and male anatomy. I know I was. It doesn't make it fake.

BTW, I have no idea how the whole "virgin girls are scared of penis and think it's an ugly thing" myth came to be, but it's sure not true for all the women. Maybe not even for the most. It's just it's not socially acceptable for girls to talk about it, but many virgins fantasize about sex and naked males.

Jul 21 11 - 10:36am
AD

I've never understood the "This is fake" comments. These stories are all anonymous, so what would the authors gain from making something up?

Jul 23 11 - 10:25am
Simone

Rings true to me. I've had a similar experience. these things happen a lot. Not too romantic, not too traumatic, not to neat, not too bad.

It's life.

Also, remember she said they were fine "eventually". Probably they had to struggle to keep their friendship.

Aug 06 11 - 9:00am
Ha!

Why so few comments on this one? I think it's one of the better ones. Well-written (like the actual short story; give us hints about characters' lives outside the main story), believable, (this things happen all the time), doesn't seem like it was traumatic or overly romantic (which often ruins these stories, imo)- so what's the problem?

Gosh, people! Wake up: friends having sex is nothing new. Friends regretting sex and ruining the friendship is what often happens, but what also happens is friends getting over it. For all we know, this could have happened 15, 20 years ago and they GOT OVER IT.

Also, she never said they were rock stars or something. Do you know how many garage bands there are? People do it for fun and music, and not because of fame or image. That doesn't make the story fake.

It amazes me that only a few people payed attention to one significant thing here: love vs trust. They obviously weren't in love, but she trusted the guy. That proved to be more important than the romantic feelings. I think it's important to remember this. Way too time you read or hear about young women who feel bad or betrayed or disappointed or nearly traumatized after having sex for the first time with the person they were in love with, and maybe even if this person had some feelings for them.

But for some reason or the other, there was no trust, or friendship between them. And before you say that's BS: the sad thing, it isn't. It happens all the time, especially with teens. So the lesson learned is: trust is important than the butterflies in your stomach, or hearing the words "I love you".

And friendship often proves to be stronger than love.

Feb 23 12 - 9:43pm
Tim

I believe it. More often than not, the first time isn't the best time, and there is a certain amount of embarrassment around "the mess." As I got more experience, it became "who sleeps on the wet spot?"

Feb 23 12 - 9:46pm
Susan

Why do guys have such a hang-up about the "wet spot"? Get over it! It's mainly your stuff anyway!