My First Time

"A lot of people disagree about what virginity means to a gay woman..."

Female • 17 • San Francisco

Based on what you see in the media, you'd think that all lesbian encounters are either between two drunk sorority sisters or in a threesome with a horny dude. Or both. But my first time was with my girlfriend of two years, and we had planned the moment for months. We'd always been good friends — I'd known her since elementary school — and although we'd both liked each other since middle school, it never occurred to either of us that our feelings might be mutual. It was ninth grade — our freshman year — that I mustered up the courage to tell her that I was gay, and not only that, I was into her.

I was positive that our friendship would be irrevocably broken, and I'd be the lesbian laughingstock of the entire school. But after maintaining an awkward distance for about a week, she confessed that she felt the same way towards me. I was so shocked by her affirmation that I never realized how improbable it was that the one girl that I had literally dreamt about for a year also liked me. 

From that moment on, I felt a stronger connection to her than I had before, if that was possible. We didn't tell our friends, even though I'm positive that they would have been totally stoked. We convinced ourselves to keep our relationship a secret because "it would just be too weird for them," but in reality, I think we liked the idea of an illicit romance. Neither of us was out to anybody, which, in some ways, made our relationship easier. We never had to give anybody a reason for hanging out for hours on end or clogging up our houses' landlines with our three-hour-long phone calls. As far as anybody was concerned, we were just typical teenage girls, joined at the hip. And in fact, we were exactly that, except we made out occasionally as well. I'm sure that if we'd told our parents that we were going out, they would've prohibited us from hanging out in her bedroom with the door closed. So our arrangement worked out perfectly for everyone involved. 

At the beginning of junior year and I had just turned seventeen. At this point, my doctor had given me the requisite sex talk, which was so awkward ("If you're sexually active — you're not sexually active, are you? — we'll need to start you on the pill. Or I could give you spermicide, which would kill the sperm when your boyfriend...") that I jumped right in and told her, "I'm gay." In response, she stared at me as if I was the first lesbian she'd ever seen.

But all her talk about sex and virginity struck a chord with me, so when I got home that day, I called my girlfriend and told her about it. I wanted to have sex, and I was sure that I was ready. After all, we had been going steady for two years. We had made out and grinded at dances and clubs already, so what was the wait? She agreed with me, and we planned painstakingly until winter break. 

We decided that since I was pretty much living on my own in my parents' apartment (they were always gone on business or "casual retreats") that on Christmas Eve, she would come over. The next day, I was invited to a Christmas dinner at her parents' house. 

On the day she was coming over, I went to a drug store and bought dental dams (not that we used them in the end). The cashier gave me a funny look; she winked at me as if to say, "You go, girl." I really wanted to explain myself, but I felt like that would be too involved. Then I just went back to the apartment and cleaned every corner of it. Looking back, that was totally ridiculous, because she was there three or four times a week anyway. By the time she came, I was totally strung up and not sure if I wanted to have sex anymore.

But I guess she did, because once she closed the door, we didn't talk much or sit around. We pretty much just got to it. She stripped down to her bra and underpants, which made me more nervous still. We made out, but it seemed a little formal. We had never gone down on each other, and I was pretty sure that's what we'd meant when we said we wanted to have sex. (Now I realize that there's more to fucking than licking a girl's vagina and calling it a day.) Regardless, we were kissing and I was fingering her when she stopped and started to go down on me.

It was actually awesome, but I didn't come. We switched positions, and luckily for me and my low self-esteem, she orgasmed. We finished up quickly after that and watched a movie, I don't remember what it was. 

It was the perfect way to lose my virginity, and it kind of made up for the fact that my parents were yet again MIA during Christmas. I know that a lot of people disagree about what virginity means to a gay woman, but virginity is totally subjective, and it really depends on who you're asking. Some people might say penetration has to be involved, but I think it's up to the person losing his or her virginity. If I feel like I've lost my virginity, then goddammit, I have! And lucky for me, I'm still with that same girl today. Funny thing is, I'm in Navy ROTC and I haven't told anybody that I'm gay, but our relationship is more open than it's ever been.

We're looking for stories about the first time you had sex. Email with 500-1000 words. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited.
According to just about every pre-college advice manual, floorcest is a bad idea.
"So no, I didn't lose my virginity in the most traditional way."
"He looked like if Ian Somerhalder and Gerard Butler had somehow created a baby."

Commentarium (39 Comments)

Dec 06 11 - 1:31am

Sweet story.

Dec 06 11 - 2:14am

This is one of the best ones I've read. Except the picture blows. Bring back the illustrations

Dec 06 11 - 8:09am

I agree. However not in a bring back illustrations! rant kinda way. i just dont like that their noses are smushed. i tihnk they could have chosen a better photo

Dec 06 11 - 5:52am

One of the best! So sincere and honest.

Dec 06 11 - 9:15am

is this the first time we've had a queer first time? I can't remember any others, and if so, it's about damn time.

Dec 06 11 - 11:18am

Not the first, but they're few and far between. Honestly, we just rarely get queer submissions. I kind of suspect that people who identify as queer might be less invested (in general) in the whole construction of "virginity."

Dec 06 11 - 6:08pm

And a lot of queer people lose their virginity to someone of the opposite sex.

Dec 07 11 - 1:35am


Dec 06 11 - 9:31am

aww this is cute, and a great christmas present!

Dec 06 11 - 10:40am

Really? A female MD in San Francisco being surprised at having a lesbian patient.

Dec 06 11 - 12:10pm

I think she was more surprised that her patient openly and comfortably discussed her sexual identity at an age when a good number of LGBT teens play that card very close to the chest, even amongst friends and family.

Dec 06 11 - 12:41pm

Mhm. That and she was pretty young. not VERY young, but young none the less, and I'm sure that what shocked the MD was she was completely sure of in her sexuality, and probably said it with a very strong confident and unashamed tone. I also think most of her LGBT teens may just ignore her comments about birthcontrol, spermacide and their "boyfriends."

Dec 06 11 - 11:44am

The woman on the left makes the picture beautiful. SO much joy.

Dec 06 11 - 12:37pm


Dec 06 11 - 2:20pm

Really liked this story and it is very nice that the two of you are still together.

Dec 06 11 - 3:19pm

Nice to see a lesbian one. And the first person to say "fake" gets shot. In the head. With a hammer.

Dec 06 11 - 8:03pm
Hammer proof


Dec 06 11 - 8:15pm

Hammer Time!


Dec 06 11 - 4:45pm

how was her cherry poped ?

Dec 06 11 - 5:15pm

With her girlfriend's tongue, silly...oh, you were referring to tearing the hymen or bleeding or something like that. That's just a commonality, not a requirement, especially when no phallic penetration was involved in the process; besides, not every hymen survives long enough to make it to the "magic moment" as it were. So though no blood was shed or penetration occurred, her cherry was still "popped." By her girlfriend's tongue. You know, 'cause lesbians do that sometimes.

Dec 06 11 - 9:23pm

Not super relevant, but my cherry was popped when I was using some cream to stop what my stupid doctor thought was a yeast infection. I remember really struggling to get the applicator in and then all of a sudden, a break in some kind of tissue and an ease in putting in the applicator. I guess that might have happened with a tampon later in life, anyway.

Dec 06 11 - 8:16pm

Love this! Sweet and touching story. and I love the picture as well. It's as if they were so in the moment and couldn't even wait a second to tilt their heads to kiss. so cute!

Dec 07 11 - 7:23pm

this is one of the greatest "my first time" stories on this site. and "but virginity is totally subjective, and it really depends on who you're asking." is one of the greatest things ever written, i like the idea of virginity being subjective.

Dec 08 11 - 12:23am

The writer is pretty badass.

Jan 23 12 - 7:09am

Yes! It's so rare to see someone so completely sure in themselves. Made for a really sweet story and realistic feel.

Dec 10 11 - 7:56am
Buck Nasty

Was the hymen intact after the tonguing?

Dec 10 11 - 3:08pm

This made my heart happy, it's so good to see a lesbian story. I'm a hopeless romantic and i may or may not have swooned when she said that they are still together. Great writer.

Dec 11 11 - 4:22am

Get some better looking lesbians next time. These gals SHOULD be lesbians, just not in the daylight (or on film).

Dec 14 11 - 2:58am

That is offensive.

Dec 11 11 - 7:07am

Oh this is soo cute !

Dec 11 11 - 4:49pm

I would think that for gays....(or straight folks for that matter) losing ones virginity would be having an orgasm administered by another person instead of yourself.

Dec 11 11 - 9:28pm

As well as the old traditional method. I have a hard time considering someone who watches porn to be a virgin also....

Dec 13 11 - 7:44am

... So is anyone who's had penis-in-vagina intercourse without ever having an orgasm still a virgin?

Unless you watch porn?


Dec 12 11 - 2:00pm

You go girl!

Dec 14 11 - 7:52pm
Clitty McLabia

Ugh. Such a wonderful story! I envy these women, I'm so happy they're still together!

Dec 29 11 - 1:58pm
Rachel Ramsey

This is so "fake" and im looking for a man to have sex with I'm 15 and live in Los Angeles, California hurry up I'm so good at it!! <3

Jan 29 12 - 3:06pm
hymen as definition?

Don't a lot of young women really just lose their virginity to long fruit, dildos, and the like?

Apr 16 12 - 12:09am

Cutest story!

Sep 03 12 - 4:49am

How about having used a strap on and done the deed..the cherry would have popped, as questioned by many in comments above.
And the girls would have had the best of both worlds ;)