Female • 17 years old • Covina
New beginnings weren't foreign to me at this time. I had just gotten high for the first time and and I was trying to absorb the feeling of being lifted ten feet off of the ground. Feeling light, as if my expressions and all emotions were at one with him and the world. Weed affects everyone differently, but I discovered that it made me feel angelic and light on my feet. As if I could do anything. Who knew that "anything" in this case was going to be another new experience?
He and I were lying there soaking each other up, cuddling. In the dark.
Illustration by Thomas Pitilli
I listened to his heartbeat, a sound that brings a nostalgic echo to my ears whenever I think about him. As if I'm on a new planet with no sound, just hearing the inner-workings of his body. Listening to his beloved heart at work. Wondering if I could become a part of his heart. What could I possibly do to become closer to him? My feelings for him were growing immensely at this time.
He said nothing. Took my clothes off as I lay there slightly panicking but going with the flow at the same time. I didn't want to kill the moment. He looked in my eyes for about a minute, and slowly placed his penis inside me. He didn't thrust or start humping, just lay inside of me, kissing me. Reassuring me without saying a word. Signing his name on my virgin body. Exposing this blank slate, for the first time, to what it's like to have sex.
He was the one who got this opportunity with me, no one else. His mannerisms showed me that he took pride in being my first. He wasn't in a rush to do it; he did everything slowly. It must have been meant to happen, because it started raining outside and the window was open just enough for us to feel like we were in the rain. The sound of the earth doing its natural work, and the conscious actions of me and him, doing the natural thing that humans do, created poetry in my head.
I felt like it was happening at the right time. Not a trace of regret after I did it. Even though we ended the relationship on rough terms, I still know it was a beautiful experience.