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December 8, 2009
My First Time
Female • 17 years old • Covina
New beginnings weren't foreign to me at this time. I had just gotten high for the first time and and I was trying to absorb the feeling of being lifted ten feet off of the ground. Feeling light, as if my expressions and all emotions were at one with him and the world. Weed affects everyone differently, but I discovered that it made me feel angelic and light on my feet. As if I could do anything. Who knew that "anything" in this case was going to be another new experience?
He and I were lying there soaking each other up, cuddling. In the dark.
 Illustration by Thomas Pitilli |
I listened to his heartbeat, a sound that brings a nostalgic echo to my ears whenever I think about him. As if I'm on a new planet with no sound, just hearing the inner-workings of his body. Listening to his beloved heart at work. Wondering if I could become a part of his heart. What could I possibly do to become closer to him? My feelings for him were growing immensely at this time.
He said nothing. Took my clothes off as I lay there slightly panicking but going with the flow at the same time. I didn't want to kill the moment. He looked in my eyes for about a minute, and slowly placed his penis inside me. He didn't thrust or start humping, just lay inside of me, kissing me. Reassuring me without saying a word. Signing his name on my virgin body. Exposing this blank slate, for the first time, to what it's like to have sex.
He was the one who got this opportunity with me, no one else. His mannerisms showed me that he took pride in being my first. He wasn't in a rush to do it; he did everything slowly. It must have been meant to happen, because it started raining outside and the window was open just enough for us to feel like we were in the rain. The sound of the earth doing its natural work, and the conscious actions of me and him, doing the natural thing that humans do, created poetry in my head.
I felt like it was happening at the right time. Not a trace of regret after I did it. Even though we ended the relationship on rough terms, I still know it was a beautiful experience.
We're looking for stories about the first time you had sex. Email firsttime@nerve.com with 500-1000 words. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited.
"We were poorly socialized geeks from two different outer boroughs..."
"My first ideas about sex stemmed mostly from poetry and movies..."
"From my vantage point, I watched the weekend barista at work..."
Commentarium (19 Comments)
oh my god, is this from a freshman non-fiction course or something? jesus christ.
I had no idea that Bristol Palin was now writing for Nerve.
EC, please move on. It's a different story, a different week.
this doesn't really feel like a story. there's something re-created/invented/unreal about this that i can't quite put my finger on, and it feels very unfinished. perhaps a disingenuous curve to it? i'm not sure. it's creatively written and should be delightful, but something's missing...
I liked it.
In this case, she was cuddling with him and says she was "going with the flow". To me that implies action on her part, that she was showing affirmative consent through her physical actions. So no, I would not call this rape. The only case that has been clearly rape is the CT case, for reasons I stated previously. I still don't understand how some of you have such a hard time understanding what affirmative consent means... doesn't seem that terribly complicated to me. Do you score poorly on other reading comprehension tests?
This was painful to read. I get these are submitted from readers but this was sappy and cheesy writing.
This story is as boring as that sex sounds.
I can read perfectly well, I think it is you that is inconsistent. As I recall you previously argued that intoxications makes consent impossible and that sex in the absence of consent was rape. It all seems so clear cut, I'm wondering if you forgot what you wrote?
I previously told a story in which I claimed I had consented while intoxicated, so... On the other hand, I DID say that if guys are worried about being unexpectedly accused of rape (a scenario others brought up), they'd be better off not having sex with partners who are anywhere near the level of intoxication that would impede their ability to know what is going on or to remember all the details the next day, and that I don't consider that a major sacrifice.
I think the story is beautiful.
God, you people are pathetic. Can't you just take the story at face value? Jesus Christ, what a bunch of kill joys.
When these stories get trashed because they don't have some sleazy or edgy angle (one might say "gimmick"), I'm the first to complain about it: life isn't all sweet, but it's not all bitter either. But this one is just way too sappy and soft-focus and Livejournal. I'm glad the author had a positive experience, but in this case that didn't translate into an engaging read.
What's the deal with you people? Did every one of you get smacked with a hot cast-iron frying pan your first time?
I'm with DP. To the author, ignore these other jerks. I enjoyed your story. Thanks for sharing.
Loved your story the assholes cant see the love bc of they can get laid
Christ, you guys are jerks. Your story was very pretty and the sexual experience was also very sweet. =]
If all experiences were bitter and at some sleazy curve, they would all have the same tone. This story happened to have a different tone; that doesn't make it inadequate or un-engaging. Credits to the author for sharing.
One of the few stories here that a are sweet not full of self-disgust. Thanks for sharing.
Now you say something