Love & Sex

My First Time

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Female • 18 years old • London

Although I was raised in a relatively liberal environment (at least compared to the straight-laced disciplinary programme imposed by many Asian families), my parents never really showed any sort of physical love to each other — not even hand-holding. So although sex wasn't taboo, it wasn't often discussed beyond nervous joking.

And that sucked. Because I knew I was sort-of-maybe-a-little really frisky. Illicitly watching porn under my bed covers early in the morning was a clue. My close friends were always guys — growing up with four brothers made me sort of a female bro — so when my best friend admitted that he liked me, I figured I'd give this dating thing a little spin. On our second date, we were on his bed, and my first kiss was a ten-minute make-out session.

Illustration by Thomas Pitilli

I felt like we were still just best friends, now with a benefit plan, but I had no problem with that. Three months into the relationship, we'd exhausted all non-sex sex. Finished with finals, we left for a group vacation, six of us in one hotel room with one double bed. Separating the double bed and the mattress, that still only fit four. So the boy and I volunteered oh-so-nobly to sleep on the floor. We slept there for three nights, and each night we got progressively braver. Kissing advanced to touching, which advanced to… rubbing.

On the third night, with our five friends snoozing above us, he kissed me. I kissed him back and guided his hand under my bra. He was hard so fast, and combined with our forced silence, and the slightly exhibitionist situation of having our friends in the same room one moan away from waking up, we were hot. I got on top and he entered me. It certainly hurt, but it leaned toward a good hurt. Well, that's how I think it felt, because a nanosecond later, someone had a vivid dream and shuffled in the duvet. I literally jumped off him and both of us lay in silence, the moment definitely gone.

So, my first time was literally a single thrust. We went off to different universities in different countries, and there's not much future for long-distance friends-with-benefits. He's now together with one of the other girls we went on holiday with, and I'm happily fluffing it up with my current boyfriend, whom I met a few months later.