My First Time

Illustration by Thomas Pitilli

Female • 18 • Singapore

At eighteen, waiting for my results to get into university, I found a waitressing job at an airy European bar-and-restaurant in a huge Chinese shophouse in the central business district. It's in an area equivalent to New York's Wall Street, I imagine. The bar was where the worldly-wise (or so it seemed then) and well-heeled corporate crowd gathered after six p.m. They came from all over besides Singapore — Australia, the U.K., the U.S., India, and the Middle East. I was thrilled to work at a bar (and such a cosmopolitan one!) for the first time. The experienced bartender, a Singaporean Indian boy four years my senior, was outspoken, funny and brash, but had a soft smile for me. I responded naturally, almost reflexively, to him, grinning and chatting every time we shared a working shift.

"You have weird, fairy-tale ideas about sex," he said...

He summoned the courage to ask me out for dinner to a fancy restaurant. After two dates, we started to kiss. We couldn't stop. We kissed for hours in gardens, beaches, and behind malls; anywhere that afforded us privacy. We both lived with our own parents (as is common in Singapore). He quickly became my first boyfriend. Later, my parents would be horrified to find out that their decent Chinese daughter dated outside of her ethnicity, to a dark-skinned boy. (This non-politically-correct view was common among Chinese Singaporeans ten years ago.)

I'd been reading online teenage sex-advice forums since I was fourteen, and I always thought I would discuss in a mature way how and when I was to have sex for the first time. I didn't recognize that him daring me, three months after we met, on the phone, to cab over at midnight, was an invitation to do the dirty. I sneaked over, rosy-cheeked and giddy with the excitement of a first relationship.

His parents were asleep. Candles were lit, the navy sheets smelled fresh, and we were making out for the first time in complete privacy. We were giggling naked and rolling around. I still didn't have sex in mind — I thought body-kissing and fingering was fun enough for the moment. He had different ideas about what to do with the naked female frolicking in his bed. In Judy Blume, on the online forums, and on television, guys asked before they went in; it just didn't occur to me that my boyfriend wouldn't ask me before sticking himself into me.

So he had me propped up against the wall, legs open and thighs up, and he was fingering me, with one, then two fingers, and then I thought he was pressing the front of his bent wrist against my vagina, but then I realised it wasn't his wrist, because one of his hands was holding my calf, and the other was pushing against my thigh. So I reached to touch my opening, but it was blocked by his cock. I thought, "Wait a minute. His cock is in me!?" I was confused, because it felt strangely like it was still outside, pressing to get in. (Hymen block?) Imagine trying to swallow something that wouldn't go down. For a minute, he backed off and started slapping his cock crudely to maintain his erection, then licked his fingers to lubricate me, then tried to penetrate me again. 

"Hey, stop! Stop! Talk to me," I pleaded to his in-his-own-ecstatic-moment face, my mind whirling with the conflict of reality versus "What Was Supposed to Be." "Aren't you supposed to ask me if I'm ready emotionally and physically?" I threw words I had read online to him, my anchors for the moment.

He started blankly at me. "Er, no. You seemed ready." He was so matter-of-fact that I burst into tears and laughter at the same time. I had just lost my virginity, to an utterly insensitive guy I was unfortunately starting to care for. And in a scary position too. Then we tried it again, after he asked me nicely to get on top of him. I didn't see why not, since we had already kind of done it, without a heart-to-heart session. It felt odd, but was no big deal really, like jamming something into my ear. And then it went all the way in. It burned like a scab was being scratched off inside me, but not too painfully. I tried to move up and down, reading enjoyment on his face, and feeling jealous I didn't feel the same. But by the third time he penetrated me, it did feel more like pleasure, and less like pain. 

"You have weird, fairy-tale ideas about sex," he said when it was all over, as I stared at the stain on the navy-blue sheet, trying to determine the colour of the wet. 

His trademark sensitivity was hardly comforting. I had to get over my mortification by myself.

The relationship lasted four years, to my parents' dismay (and then barely-disguised delight when it ended). In those four years, I learnt, amongst other things, about boundaries and expectations and boyfriend-selection. And most importantly, how to self-pleasure. My first real orgasm with someone arrived with my second sex partner, but that's a whole different story.

We're looking for stories about the first time you had sex. Email firsttime@nerve.com with 500-1000 words. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited.
FIRST TIMES
By sheer chance, Jack and I both ended up in Shanghai that summer.
According to just about every pre-college advice manual, floorcest is a bad idea.
"So no, I didn't lose my virginity in the most traditional way."

Commentarium (67 Comments)

Feb 22 11 - 2:11am
nn

Hah. I may have dated this guy. I really enjoyed this story, and your insight, whether you fully recognize it or not, as to the fact that you were probably more mature about sex as an inexperienced 18 year-old than this older, more experienced dude was. That's all too common.

Apr 25 11 - 1:23pm
Female.

Thank you. It's a nice affirmation.

Jan 27 12 - 9:16pm
Hotty-India

I started at the age of 10 when fluid doesn't come. When I was studying 6th grad, it came with 2 drops. Once guy of 4 years senior to me touched my stick when we were talking to each other in his house. He started to touch my thigh and put his hands on my stick gradually. As I understood what he was trying to do, I allowed him to enjoy the pleasure. Then, he rubbed it and took it out and rubbed the bud after removing my underwear. He kissed it and licking for some time. I was not able to hold my pleasure and cummed. Although it was just 2 or 3 drops, he didn't waste it and tasted it. I asked what was it he tasted? He answered that it was just a fluid which comes of everybody at this age and kissed me and told me to put my underwear. Then, he used to gift me whatever I ask as he was afraid that I would disclose it to anyone. I thought it was just an incident. However, when I was studying 12th, 3 married women from my street on various occasions used to masturbate my stick by calling me to their house giving me breakfast and other snacks. I don't why they took advantage of me. Was it due to I am fair or something? However, the interesting incident was one women told the exact dialogue. "I have never accepted to suck my husband's stick as of date, but I like your stick very much" and kissed my stick like crazy and sucked the balls and her tongue work was amazing around the bud of my stick. I don't think my wife would give that pleasure once I am married. I don't mind die in my life without marrying any girl as I had enjoyed my sex life very much. I think my stick is very lucky

Apr 16 12 - 9:19pm
you Crazy

hahaha this is the funniest thing I ever read!!

May 18 12 - 3:02am
wai hoong chen

Enjoy to the fullest until triple orgasm!!!

Jun 21 12 - 1:25pm
Hotty74894

when I was working in my previous company, one aunt was staying next to my flat. She was 10 years senior to me, but was short and sexy. As I can't look her in a sexy way, I used to talk to her in a friendly way.

Few months later, she was very friendly with me and offered food when I was in the night shift. One more aunt2 came near to our flat and she was even more sexy. Aunt1 does not like me talking to Aunt 2 and told me that she was not good in behavior. I just agreed to her, but spoke to Aunt1 sometimes. One day, she again reported about aunt2, I told her that I just want be happy with her and aunt2 and nothing else.

She mistaken me and thought that I wanted to talk to the aunt who satisfies me. Then, she called me and started to cry saying that if she had to satisfy me, I should not talk to aunt2. I was shocked to hear that, but told that it was not required.

Next time when I met her, I asked her what was the reason she spoke to me like that. She replied that I should not be a victim of a prostitute and she was meaning aunt2. As per me, aunt2 was not like that, but I didn't argue with her. Then, she told that a girl doesn't allow other girl to talk and have sex with her beloved boyfriend. Hence, she wanted me to be clean and promise her that I wont talk or go to aunt2's house. I promised her.

As I can't just have sex with her, I thought to make her crazy about my dick.One day, when she came to my house, I didn't wear my underwear, but put just my shots. When I was talking to her, my dick was calling me to shake her. I wanted to show her some gift which was on a shelf and stood on a stool and trying to take that gift facing her so that she can notice me erected penis. She noticed my erected penis, but didn't say or react to that. Next day, I noticed that she came to my house by putting lipstick and applied shampoo to impress me. I noticed this and told that she was very beautiful in that. As she was smiling, I started to touch her lips and face and started to kiss her on face. As she simply closed her eyes, I decided to give a lip kiss and sucked her lip for 2 mins atleast. She was standing as though she was unconscious. Then, I put my hands on her back butts and squeezed her buts and thighs without stopping to suck her lips. I kissed all over her face and there was no area left without licking.

Next day, she told me that while kissing, I had touched her private parts on the previous day. I told her that I was not aware what I was doing at that time as I was in a very sexy mood. On that day, I started to squeeze her boobs and cunts while sucking her lips. Then, I slowly took her to my bed and started to kiss her stomach and licked all over her stomach. She was enjoying my pulling my hair with her hands.Then, I went to her boobs and started to lick it. Although she didn't allow it initially, I made her to allow it by licking the bottom area like crazy. On one stage, she just removed her bra herself and kept my lips on it and told me to eat it.

I started to bite the boobs around the small nipples and squeezing it simultaneously. As she was enjoying it as though I fucked her hardly, I started to lick her neck as well. She was not able to control the pleasure and tried to stop her doing it. As I got to know this. I locked her hands and started to lick her next and ears like crazy. As she was not able to control tghe pleasure, she begged me not to do there and lick somewhere. I showed some mercy and again went to her stomach portion started to bite her stomach and hip area. She was enjoying to the max and her hands were as though she wanted to break me into 2 parts. Then, I started to kiss her abdomen area and kissed her on her mons pubis area.

All these time, I didn't remove her skirt and was kissing on it. While she was enjoying, I slowly loosen the thread of her skirt and pulled it. When she got to know about, she begged me not to fuck her as she wanted only her husband to do it. I told that i wont fuck, but just kiss her clitoris area.Then, I removed her skirt completely and it was my first day i had seen a girl naked and it was clean shaved. I started to kiss her thighs and licked her legs completely from bottom to top and the aroma of her clitoris was good. I kissed her clitoris and she reacted to my kiss. Then, I wide open her legs and started to do some research on that area as it was the first day I was looking a girl's pussy.

I started to lick the labia area on both sides and making circles about that area, and I noticed that drops of ejaculation fluid was coming from her vagina. I sucked it by inserting my tongue and fucked her using my tongue itself and licked her clitoris as well. When she attained her climax, she was crying and requested me to stop it. I locked her hands using my hands and keep on fucking her using my tongue and suddenly I noticed her aftershocks and she was breathing like a asthma patient. She was not even lift her hands or move her legs. By nature, saliva comes a lot in my mouth and after fucking her like crazy, my face was full of saliva. I hugged her by lying on her and she started to sleep with me without any cloths.

Next day, I wanted to do something new and asked her to kiss my dick, but she denied saying she had never sucked her husband's dick as well. Hence, I decided to make her to taste my dick when she would be enjoying the pleasure and made her to suck as well. From that day, she started to suck my dick for some time and told me that my dick was straight and long, but her husband's dick was very thick, black and short. She used to shake it and eating my simen balls completely inside her mouth. She told me that the head portion of my dick is very beautiful and tried to insert her tongue inside the hole of the head. On that day, I made her to taste my simen. After that day, she was afraid sucking my dick as she didn't like the taste of the siemen as she was a vegetarian. Hence, it was agreed that I have to inform her when I am about to cum and she was taking every drop of my simen and keeps it empty always.

One day, she was ready to insert my dick inside her vagina and told me that she wanted to check the pleasure if I insert my dick inside her hold. I applied some oil on my dick so that the penetration would be easy for me and inserted my dick deep inside her vagina. Her face and eyes were in a surprising mood and she was saying ahhhhh opening her mouth wide open. Then, I started to shake my dick inside her vagina for 15 mins before cumming. When I used to feel like to cum, she used to watch it as though she was watching the climax in a movie. One day, she told me by laughing that she had never enjoyed her husband's dick for 10 yeas, but enjoyed my dick like anything and wanted to die in front of me while fucking.

Then, I decided to increase the time from 15 mins to 30 mins while fucking her. When I told her about my plan, she was laughing and started to calculate the time with me. One day, I was in a good mood and licked her upto her climax before starting to fuck her. Although she didn't agree, I locked her hands and legs and fucked her very hard. Suddenly she reached her climax max and told me she wanted some water. When, I went to bring some water, I was shocked to see her unconscious. I was thinking that if she dies, I would be in jail for rape case. I pour water on her face and she got up slowly. From that day onwards, I decided to lick or fuck for some time and leave her early. We enjoyed like this for about 4 years before I got married and escaped from that flat when she was gone for vacation for 30 days to UP. It was a nice experience before marriage and I am happy as I tried a family lady rather than going to a prostitute like she said. Now, I am married, and enjoying the pleasure from my wife while fucking like I enjoyed my favorite aunt, but my wife had never sucked my dick as she is well educated and does not like to suck my dick. However, I don't mind as I had enjoyed that pleasure from my favorite aunt before marriage itself. I am blessed with a baby boy and now I am not in any relation. Girls! give this pleasure to your secret boyfriend as well and make him the luckiest.

Feb 22 11 - 6:29am
Bart

Wow - way to blur the line between date rape and consensual sex.

Feb 22 11 - 10:59am
S.S.

Really? This didn't read like "rape" to me. The guy seemed like a typical insensitive young guy. He clearly wasn't an effective communicator and she was clearly much more mature than he was but he didn't seem like a rapist. I got the distinct impression that had she said "no", he would have stopped. I think he was brash and presumptuous, but not a predator per se.

Feb 24 11 - 7:42am
Bart

Oh, I don't think he's a predator - I just think there is a very, very blurry line in cases like this.

Jun 21 12 - 1:29pm
my amar

when I was working in my previous company, one aunt was staying next to my flat. She was 10 years senior to me, but was short and sexy. As I can't look her in a sexy way, I used to talk to her in a friendly way.

Few months later, she was very friendly with me and offered food when I was in the night shift. One more aunt2 came near to our flat and she was even more sexy. Aunt1 does not like me talking to Aunt 2 and told me that she was not good in behavior. I just agreed to her, but spoke to Aunt1 sometimes. One day, she again reported about aunt2, I told her that I just want be happy with her and aunt2 and nothing else.

She mistaken me and thought that I wanted to talk to the aunt who satisfies me. Then, she called me and started to cry saying that if she had to satisfy me, I should not talk to aunt2. I was shocked to hear that, but told that it was not required.

Next time when I met her, I asked her what was the reason she spoke to me like that. She replied that I should not be a victim of a prostitute and she was meaning aunt2. As per me, aunt2 was not like that, but I didn't argue with her. Then, she told that a girl doesn't allow other girl to talk and have sex with her beloved boyfriend. Hence, she wanted me to be clean and promise her that I wont talk or go to aunt2's house. I promised her.

As I can't just have sex with her, I thought to make her crazy about my dick.One day, when she came to my house, I didn't wear my underwear, but put just my shots. When I was talking to her, my dick was calling me to shake her. I wanted to show her some gift which was on a shelf and stood on a stool and trying to take that gift facing her so that she can notice me erected penis. She noticed my erected penis, but didn't say or react to that. Next day, I noticed that she came to my house by putting lipstick and applied shampoo to impress me. I noticed this and told that she was very beautiful in that. As she was smiling, I started to touch her lips and face and started to kiss her on face. As she simply closed her eyes, I decided to give a lip kiss and sucked her lip for 2 mins atleast. She was standing as though she was unconscious. Then, I put my hands on her back butts and squeezed her buts and thighs without stopping to suck her lips. I kissed all over her face and there was no area left without licking.

Next day, she told me that while kissing, I had touched her private parts on the previous day. I told her that I was not aware what I was doing at that time as I was in a very sexy mood. On that day, I started to squeeze her boobs and cunts while sucking her lips. Then, I slowly took her to my bed and started to kiss her stomach and licked all over her stomach. She was enjoying my pulling my hair with her hands.Then, I went to her boobs and started to lick it. Although she didn't allow it initially, I made her to allow it by licking the bottom area like crazy. On one stage, she just removed her bra herself and kept my lips on it and told me to eat it.

I started to bite the boobs around the small nipples and squeezing it simultaneously. As she was enjoying it as though I fucked her hardly, I started to lick her neck as well. She was not able to control the pleasure and tried to stop her doing it. As I got to know this. I locked her hands and started to lick her next and ears like crazy. As she was not able to control tghe pleasure, she begged me not to do there and lick somewhere. I showed some mercy and again went to her stomach portion started to bite her stomach and hip area. She was enjoying to the max and her hands were as though she wanted to break me into 2 parts. Then, I started to kiss her abdomen area and kissed her on her mons pubis area.

All these time, I didn't remove her skirt and was kissing on it. While she was enjoying, I slowly loosen the thread of her skirt and pulled it. When she got to know about, she begged me not to fuck her as she wanted only her husband to do it. I told that i wont fuck, but just kiss her clitoris area.Then, I removed her skirt completely and it was my first day i had seen a girl naked and it was clean shaved. I started to kiss her thighs and licked her legs completely from bottom to top and the aroma of her clitoris was good. I kissed her clitoris and she reacted to my kiss. Then, I wide open her legs and started to do some research on that area as it was the first day I was looking a girl's pussy.

I started to lick the labia area on both sides and making circles about that area, and I noticed that drops of ejaculation fluid was coming from her vagina. I sucked it by inserting my tongue and fucked her using my tongue itself and licked her clitoris as well. When she attained her climax, she was crying and requested me to stop it. I locked her hands using my hands and keep on fucking her using my tongue and suddenly I noticed her aftershocks and she was breathing like a asthma patient. She was not even lift her hands or move her legs. By nature, saliva comes a lot in my mouth and after fucking her like crazy, my face was full of saliva. I hugged her by lying on her and she started to sleep with me without any cloths.

Next day, I wanted to do something new and asked her to kiss my dick, but she denied saying she had never sucked her husband's dick as well. Hence, I decided to make her to taste my dick when she would be enjoying the pleasure and made her to suck as well. From that day, she started to suck my dick for some time and told me that my dick was straight and long, but her husband's dick was very thick, black and short. She used to shake it and eating my simen balls completely inside her mouth. She told me that the head portion of my dick is very beautiful and tried to insert her tongue inside the hole of the head. On that day, I made her to taste my simen. After that day, she was afraid sucking my dick as she didn't like the taste of the siemen as she was a vegetarian. Hence, it was agreed that I have to inform her when I am about to cum and she was taking every drop of my simen and keeps it empty always.

One day, she was ready to insert my dick inside her vagina and told me that she wanted to check the pleasure if I insert my dick inside her hold. I applied some oil on my dick so that the penetration would be easy for me and inserted my dick deep inside her vagina. Her face and eyes were in a surprising mood and she was saying ahhhhh opening her mouth wide open. Then, I started to shake my dick inside her vagina for 15 mins before cumming. When I used to feel like to cum, she used to watch it as though she was watching the climax in a movie. One day, she told me by laughing that she had never enjoyed her husband's dick for 10 yeas, but enjoyed my dick like anything and wanted to die in front of me while fucking.

Then, I decided to increase the time from 15 mins to 30 mins while fucking her. When I told her about my plan, she was laughing and started to calculate the time with me. One day, I was in a good mood and licked her upto her climax before starting to fuck her. Although she didn't agree, I locked her hands and legs and fucked her very hard. Suddenly she reached her climax max and told me she wanted some water. When, I went to bring some water, I was shocked to see her unconscious. I was thinking that if she dies, I would be in jail for rape case. I pour water on her face and she got up slowly. From that day onwards, I decided to lick or fuck for some time and leave her early. We enjoyed like this for about 4 years before I got married and escaped from that flat when she was gone for vacation for 30 days to UP. It was a nice experience before marriage and I am happy as I tried a family lady rather than going to a prostitute like she said. Now, I am married, and enjoying the pleasure from my wife while fucking like I enjoyed my favorite aunt, but my wife had never sucked my dick as she is well educated and does not like to suck my dick. However, I don't mind as I had enjoyed that pleasure from my favorite aunt before marriage itself. I am blessed with a baby boy and now I am not in any relation. Girls! give this pleasure to your secret boyfriend as well and make him the luckiest.

Feb 22 11 - 9:21am
Jonston

More like: non-politically-correct view common among Chinese people worldwide in the present day.

Apr 25 11 - 12:42pm
Female.

Depends on which Chinese people.

Feb 02 12 - 7:29pm
Seb

Way to generalise!

Feb 22 11 - 1:24pm
Amy

This is close to how mine was as well. No verbal consent, he just went for it and it wasn't until the next day that I realized just how much I wanted him to have stopped.

Feb 22 11 - 4:15pm
SM

I liked this one. Definitely my favorite. She writes very beautifully for what would likely be her second language.

Feb 26 11 - 8:45am
morella

Singaporeans speak English as their first language anyway... but traditions still stay pretty much the same

Apr 25 11 - 12:43pm
Female.

Thank you FM. It's my first language, though. I failed Chinese terribly and embarassingly.

Feb 22 11 - 9:11pm
KT

Based on the way he comes across, I am surprised the relationship lasted four years.

Apr 25 11 - 12:43pm
Female.

me too

Aug 17 11 - 12:34am
jun

sorry

Feb 22 11 - 11:27pm
WPW

Are you people all insane?! You think she may as well have been raped! She completely stripped down naked for this guy, at midnight no less-- after 3 months of dating saying this" We were giggling naked and rolling around. I still didn't have sex in mind — I thought body-kissing and fingering was fun enough for the moment". Okayyyyyyy.... What guy wouldn't interpret this act coming over at midnight --- AFTER DATING FOR 3 MONTHS without any sex!! as the night it's going to happen! The night she's ready!
C'mon! I'm even a chick! This story sucked ass

Feb 23 11 - 4:00pm
nope

I agree with S.S. that it didn't sound like rape because it sounded like if she had given any "No" signal he would have stopped. However, there is no time of night, stage in relationship or level of nudity that doubles as consent. She could easily have done all of those things and then, indeed, have been raped.

Apr 03 11 - 5:00pm
Lisa

WPW it doesnt matter if she came to his house after midnight and rolled around on his bed naked, if she had said no it would have been rape. You should not assume anything!

Apr 25 11 - 1:20pm
Female.

Put yourself in the shoes of someone who has never had sex before, feels really safe emotionally with the male in the story and is playful and curious. It's a different social context from the west-- there's very little pressure to "lose" one's virginity. So there was a lack of a reference point as to what the next step would be, besides making out and having fun, unless it was explicitly stated.

Feb 22 11 - 11:52pm
KH

It was a great story, because it showed - all too clearly - how women and men can have very different expectations about sex, especially early in a relationship. My heart went out to her. (I am grateful my first time, also at 18, was with a loving boyfriend who waited for me to initiate.)

Apr 25 11 - 1:05pm
Female.

Thank you KH! It was a long time ago, though, and I laugh in hindsight because my spirit and joy were intact despite everything.

And every person with whom i've had a deep experience with, is my teacher, including the problematic male mentioned in the story..

Obviously sex and communication is an art-- it's been 10 years since and my art has definitely evolved if u know what i'm sayin..

Feb 23 11 - 2:13pm
JAC

It's rape if she says it was. She didn't say it was. But she can always change her mind.

Feb 23 11 - 11:45pm
AT

Have people heard about "affirmative consent" yet? It's brilliant. It should be widely adopted; it will change the way we have sex and horrible things like this story above won't happen anymore.

Feb 25 11 - 10:34pm
LAC

Uh, no, affirmative consent is an unbelievably stupid idea. It has zero practical benefit if legal proceedings are brought. Even more to the point, it's in absolute opposition to the way that many people want to have sex.

To elaborate: multiple women have, on separate occasions, told me that one of their biggest turn-offs is when a guy asks permission to do things when they're making out or in bed. It makes them self-conscious about what they're doing, and it's also a sign that the guy isn't able (or doesn't trust himself) to pick up on non-verbal signals.

Feb 25 11 - 11:26pm
S

Good priorities there, dude. Turn-ons outrank autonomy. Good show.

Feb 26 11 - 3:27am
LAC

"I want to _____ your _____. Is that OK?"
"Look, I hate it when you ask permission like that. It's a total turn-off."
"I know, but some random on the Internet says I'm disrespecting your autonomy if I don't."

Feb 26 11 - 6:26am
nn

You misunderstand affirmative consent, LAC. It can include nonverbal signals, as long as the signals are clear. (Like pulling you closer and unbuckling your belt could be one signal, for instance.) Also, plenty of women like dirty talk of the kind that could include asking permission for things. I for one enjoy it, especially if it's said in a sexy manner. I think it's better safe than sorry, so I don't think you should necessarily worry about turning off those people who are too immature to talk about sex.

Feb 26 11 - 6:27am
nn

Affirmative consent is actually less about asking permission though, and more about waiting for the other person to give a clear, active signal about what they want. Basically, it makes women be more assertive about what they want sexually, and causes men to make fewer assumptions, both of which are ultimately good for both people.

Feb 26 11 - 1:33pm
LAC

Without a verbal standard, though, it's pretty much a meaningless idea, because it won't change anyone's behavior. The people who can't pick up on nonverbal cues, still won't; the people who can, but prefer to ignore them, will keep doing what they're doing.

Besides, while my personal preference is for women who are assertive and vocal about what they want sexually, there are many men and women who don't want that, and who aren't interested in remaking themselves in anyone else's ideal image. People are complicated, and have all kinds of reasons for doing things which skirt the edge of consent and agency. What if a woman doesn't want to assert herself, but wants to be passive, or is aroused by imagery of disengagement, detachment, and being "used"? Doesn't sound very sexy to me, but for some people, male and female, it is.

So often people make the mistake of thinking that everyone wants the same thing -- in this case, maximum agency, autonomy, and control in their lives, and personal relationships with an equal and equitable balance of power. But many people don't want that. They want powerplay, they want anxiety, they want drama, they want to be subject to someone else's whims and desires instead of trying to figure out their own. It's not my scene, but plenty of people are into this stuff. As long as this impulse exists, no one-size-fits-all standard will ever work, because it doesn't conform to what people want.

(And it's not really "patriarchy", in case anyone's thinking that: it's human nature, and goes back to a yearning for the simplicity of childhood. To some people, saying what they want means that they're giving up the fantasy of having an all-knowing, all-powerful figure in their lives who takes care of everything, who can anticipate their needs without having to be asked, and whose occasional outbursts of rage or violence can be placated if you only figure out the right way to act. Why do you think so many men and women have mommy/daddy issues?)

Feb 26 11 - 4:18pm
nn

"What if a woman doesn't want to assert herself, but wants to be passive, or is aroused by imagery of disengagement, detachment, and being "used"? Doesn't sound very sexy to me, but for some people, male and female, it is."

I know that. I'm one of those women. But, I have no problem communicating about the fact that I want to role-play in this manner. And just because I like the feeling of being out-of-control, doesn't mean that there are no men with whom I definitely wouldn't want to have sex. Sometimes men can be too aggressive, or sometimes I get hit on by men I don't like. In which case, when I have to argue with them it gets pretty annoying. Women can communicate to men that they want to have sex with them, and then still get to enjoy that feeling of being "used" or out-of-control when it comes to the sex itself. But it's good to make sure both people are on the same page first.

You are right, in the sense that maybe there are some people who are socially awkward and will be bad at picking up on cues no matter what. Still, I maintain that if men expected to wait until they got clear signals from women, the world would overall be a better place.

Nov 11 11 - 9:19pm
PS

LAC, thank you. You win.

Feb 24 11 - 7:11pm
Red

Wow was I lucky with my first time. First 'opportunity' was when i was 19 and the guy was like 'just sit on it once, thats all' - and i refused. Thankfully he was not forceful.
The actual time was with a boyfriend (i was 21.. yeah, late starter) and it was amazing and the start of an incredibly satisfying (and at 34 now, still one of the most satisfying sexual relationships i've ever had).
Unfortunate for this girl to get into this situation and be so naive - I don't think it was rape, but just an example of how important communication is!

Mar 16 11 - 12:26pm
ab

thank you for your lovely story. now i'd love to hear the part where "redemption" happened - the second sex partner!

Apr 25 11 - 1:07pm
Female.

I'd love to write it! It was a sexual coming-of-age, at 23! Don't think Nerve has a "redemption" section though. "My first time" is definitely more marketable than "redemption sex". Although..hmm..

Jun 19 11 - 1:17am
gls

I waited for my girlfriend to initiate things--we were 18 and hanging for about a year. One night when her parents were out she sat on my lap and began to kiss me. We made out for at least an hour when she spread her legs, slipped her panties off, and began to hump my leg. That's all it took...we just progressed from there and ended up doing it sitting up with her on top. She controlled the entire episode that time. The next time I took the initiative and it got wonderfully rough and loving. She was amazing!

Jun 23 11 - 3:17pm
henrik2k

Thanks for a sensitive story. Well for a guy it's clear that if you roll around with him naked, you want even more. And if it's not clear, he'll want even more anyway. You've surely crossed a point of no (voluntary) return. I thought that if you didn't know that, maybe you read something like that on the websites you mentioned.

Jun 25 11 - 7:14am
no name

why should every couple must sex in love? Why no just love? If every times need sex than their dirty in mind and are not truly in love.

Jun 26 11 - 1:06am
OMalley

"Later, my parents would be horrified to find out that their decent Chinese daughter dated outside of her ethnicity, to a dark-skinned boy. (This non-politically-correct view was common among Chinese Singaporeans ten years ago.) "

You've obviously not been to western nations. A significant number of white people (and asians, latinos) do not appreciate their daughters going with other race's men, and are quite blunt (violent) about it. As for your personal story, sounds like just another guy that exploited your inexperience to screw you, at the expense of your virginity.

Jul 11 11 - 1:54pm
Female.

Clearly u have never been to Singapore. The message in that line is that Chinese Singaporeans these days may not be so horrified compared to 10 years ago.. Who said anything about a comparison to your "Western nation"? How egocentric that everything should be viewed through your limited schema of life! Your little bit of information is quite irrelevant to my story.

Of course it's just another guy. Perhaps u have been slow in getting the point -- that personal stories provide insight to "just another" situation, and guy, and girl, and the learning that came out of it.

Oh, but clearly, u're here to get off rather than gain a new insight or perspective. Perhaps stereotyping people in grand, sweeping, uninformed statements helps you to get off. Perhaps u're angry and you get off by projecting yourself onto other pple's stories because you never could reconcile the awful things that have happened to you in your life and this is your only way of dealing. (Were you an "inexperienced girl"? Or are you "just another guy"? Actually, u seem very much like the guy in the story!)

Whatever the case is, get off alone and please keep it to yourself--- cos no one's benefiting from your expulsion..

Aug 22 11 - 3:11pm
darleen

Wow..you're story is just like mine! I"m still in shock! I just lost my virginity two days ago. After reading your story I just realized that he should have asked before putting it in me. Now I'm starting to question if this guy is a good guy or not since he did that.

Dec 08 11 - 1:18pm
aahana

darleen, whether hes gud or bad, if you enjoyd that moment, u are equally responsible for that.... enjoy life with out regreting..... :)

Oct 21 11 - 8:31pm
bk

i<3sex your obvs a pedo and you shouldnt be thinking about sex yet

Nov 01 11 - 4:48am
s.

your story makes me sad and i thought about how i lost mine at 18 to my then boyfriend who was 6 years older than me. i was nervous and reluctant which got him frustrated because he couldn't go all the way in. we stopped and he told me he pities the man who will marry me. i will never ever forget him which angers me because he does not deserve to be a such a pivotal part of my life.

Dec 08 11 - 1:21pm
aahana

sweety dont be sad... girls are treated like that by so many loser...

Nov 11 11 - 9:21am
:-)

"SEX should only done after the marriage b'coz it's a type of cheating with ur future husband or wife"

Nov 14 11 - 3:19pm
Indian Boy

Yes, it should be, because it gives to an wife/ husband an complete belief & respect & feelings & love for each other. but in today's it is being very hard to stop the youth for stoping self to do sex. As this is the human needs also as some youth plan for marry age after 30 while the main sex age life which comes in heaven is between 20-35. So it came hard to stop ourselves to do it. I am an boy of age 26 but i have had sex in the age of 12 and then 17 then dont get the chances. First time I did the sex with three girls in age of 12 and then with an one girl. And in each case i was unknown by sex. these females taught me what is sex. now behind this what is the conditions and these are god'gifted for me the birth or what i dont know. but when i came in youth life, I always try to away from girls & females, and always think that If I will do the sex I will do sex with my wife.

Dec 08 11 - 1:22pm
aahana

oh do it when ever you feel like... but if you are married than dont do it with anyone else..

Mar 03 12 - 4:22am
satya

yes you are right aahaana...

Nov 21 11 - 8:57am
mah

these stories are not real. i am sure edited with proper care to attract the reader.

Nov 22 11 - 9:55pm
zing

Doing it three times on the first experience and still never much felt. He must have got a dammed small prick.

Nov 24 11 - 11:52am
Maran

A bit similar to yours...basically we were just making out naked (me rather half-heartedly but just curious to see what happened) and then he asked, "Can I put it in?" or something to that effect but he said it really fast and I was like, "Eh..." and he did it anyway. According to him he couldn't penetrate all the way although I thought he did. A week later we did it again and boy did I bleed like a stuck pig. I don't really regret it now although I did before. After the 3rd encounter he found another girl and we stopped talking to each other. My second partner was worse, very emotionally abusive and I often felt emotionally raped by him. I've only had 2 partners to date and although I've had sex for 3 years, the last time I did it (3 months ago, before my breakup) was still painful and pleasureless. I tried the fake it till you make it approach for 3 years and it didn't work, I was just faking it. I'll just stick to doing it myself; much more satisfying, without the humiliation and pain.

Nov 25 11 - 6:45am
Arjun

A week later we did it again and boy did I bleed like a stuck pig. I don't really regret it now although I did before. After the 3rd encounter he found another girl and we stopped talking to each other. My second partner was worse, very emotionally abusive and I often felt emotionally raped by him. I've only had 2 partners to date and although I've had sex for 3 years, the last time I did it (3 months ago, before my breakup) was still painful and pleasureless.

Jan 20 12 - 3:49am
Clara

Sex is good for nothing.
Only good for guys to show off that they are the domineering sex. Simple as that.
I don't need to experience it for myself to know what guys think.
It is easy to see through them. They ain't pulling any wool over my eyes.
Love has never existed, only a dreamer's distant fantasy.

Jan 27 12 - 1:26pm
alex

so sexy

Jan 30 12 - 10:25am
Lt.Col Vinay kumar

I am a late starter,i made it at 24.But she is a great women.She is the daughter of my senior officer.I Met her at one of our regiments night parties.I dated her for 2 months and one day she came to meet me at a firing range and from there we went for a grand lunch and she asked me to drive to her friends hostel room and in a warm privacy we did it.One of my best experiences.Now I am 34.

Feb 13 12 - 10:05am
lovesex4211

the first time I tried to make out with my boyfriend of 4 years in his house.he started to kiss me when we were in his room.he took of mmy bra and squeezed my beasts n licked dem n sucked dem.i love it when he has on hand down dere n the other hand on my breast.best thing I like is when he goes down on me with his face between my legs n he kissses me my legs on his shoulders n his hands on my breasts if u can imagine dat. he presses my breasts evertime I wince wid pleasure or orgasm.til m red and panting.also his finger is so huge when he pushed it inside me it hurt.we havent made out yet but he haad his thingy right on my entrance n tried to push it in but it hurt so much we let go

Feb 15 12 - 8:01am
N B

Wow, I have a great sex life! Started when I was 21 years old. Very good experience. The guy made me feel comfortable.
Just because your guy didn't ask you before going inside you doesn't make him bad!!! Geez!!! All these stories and movies and romantic novels do no good. When you are ready you will do it and will enjoy it and most importantly you would not regret it later!!! That just sucks!
I gave my virginity to an American guy. I am Indian. We both saw no future together, but at that point of time, having sex was perfectly alright to both of us!
And it's not cheating your "future wife" if you're having sex before marriage... Grow up!
Sex is nice if properly done. Most importantly education is good. You wouldn't want to have your virginity taken from you and you not realizing the d**k in you!

Mar 10 12 - 9:26pm
chrisma

All da stories seem to be made up bullshit on here. Peoples fantasies.

Apr 07 12 - 9:25pm
Andrea

Gee... I have gotten all horny recently... This is just a story of one of my experiences:
I was 16 I swear I should have waited... but anyway. Me and my 3 other friends were at an arcade and one of them said, "Hey Andrea we've got company..."
I looked up and saw two boys from our school who were always hitting on me. Good thing is the one I hated was more into my redheaded friend. But the other one I still would not want be stuck in a bed with. So I said bye to my friends and walked out of the arcade. Sadly one followed. I hoped he would leave me alone if I kept walking but he didn't so I ended up at home with every reason for him to leave me alone but he wouldn't give in.
Eventually I gave in and stomped into my house and slammed the door. But he just followed me in. After that he went to the bathroom. When he came back he was completely undressed. So it's a good thing my parents weren't going to be home until 8:00 a.m.
Sadly at that moment in time i was overpowered by my need to be fucked. I layed down on my bed and I allowed him to undress me.
First he undid my red-velvet dress by the back zipper. And since I had a shelf bra on he let me keep on my bra until later. So he set me down on the bed back down and he just kissed me. Then he pulled down my black lace panties and fingered me. I began to moan and groan. Next it was my turn I sucked his cock for a while until he groan and then he cummed right into my mouth and I swallowed it. His turn again, he undid my bra and squeezed them really hard it hurt so bad I wanted to scream. He then fucked me for about an hour. Now the rest is confidential...

Apr 23 12 - 9:39pm
Just a 13 year old

Your all sort of right but it's wasn't rape that's for sure because it wasn't by force completely he was just sort of horny oh and look I may just be 13 but my mom and dad just won't try and keep it down so I can here everything they do and I know more about sex than anyone in school and im proud of it. It's my mom and dads fault so it's there problem not mine. When they go to work I put a stink bomb in there room under there bed so when my father starts fucking my mom it will go off, hey I may get in trouble for it but it's still pretty funny oh and they always start having sex at 9:00 and this time I put a big one under there bed so I hope they like rotten eggs they should be home in 2 minutes I'll let you know what happens.

Jun 20 12 - 11:42pm
shanthi sandra

very good story me love all , thank 's for sharing

Sep 13 12 - 12:33pm
nguyenvantu77

Thank you for sharing.
http://xemphim18online.blogspot.com/