My First Time

Female • 19 • England

It felt like I'd been running from sex my whole life. As soon as I sprouted breasts, aged eight, I had to fend off overeager boys who wanted me to do stuff I wasn't ready for yet. They held me down in the playground to look up my skirt, and a decade later, at college parties, different guys ground their erections into my thigh as if I might find it enticing. I let one of them finger me on my nineteenth birthday, as an experiment, but it was about as sexy as a pap smear.

The New Year's Eve after I turned nineteen, I fell off a bar stool and David picked me up. He was my best friend's brother's friend, he was twenty-one, and he was a virgin, too. For the first three months we dated, by some unspoken agreement, he only ever touched me above the waist. When he finally slid his hand between my legs, I was so tense it was awkward for both of us. But I wanted it to feel good one day, so we kept trying, in my dorm room, his apartment, or his car, his hands rubbing, kneading, and poking at me as I tried to find the courage to tell him what felt good, and failed.

I tried to find the courage to tell him what felt good, and failed.

One night we were making out in the back of his car in a country lane close to campus. I was sitting on his knee when he started to stroke me through my underwear, drawing small circles around my clitoris. It tickled. Tingled. I whimpered.

"Tell me what you like," David whispered, slipping his hand inside my underwear.

"Just keep doing that," I said, rocking, panting, and steaming up the windows on the way to my first orgasm ever.

A couple of weeks later, we were kissing on my bed when David moved my hand to his jeans, placing it over his erection and looking at me with a pleading expression. I laughed, nervous: I'd never seen a naked penis before and had no idea what to do with one. But I figured I should find out sometime. "Okay," I said. "Show me what to do."

After that, we practiced making each other come every chance we got, but I still wasn't ready for sex. I was scared of getting pregnant or making a fool of myself. And I was sure it would be excruciating: my friend Kat had lost her virginity when she was fifteen, and she said sex hurt for a really long time. David never pressured me, and I wasn't sure if he was even interested. I stayed with him over the summer, sharing his tiny twin bed, but we didn't seal the deal, or even discuss it.

Ten months after we started dating, a cheesy Meg Ryan movie finally got me in the mood. In City of Angels, she plays a doctor who falls in love with an angel played by Nicolas Cage. After Nic gives up his celestial status to be with her, and before she's tragically killed, there's this hot sex scene where Meg makes him describe how it feels to be inside her. Watching it made me wet, and for the first time I felt like I might be missing out. Flushed, I squeezed David's hand, trying to communicate that we should have sex, too. But when I shut off the video and pulled him in for a kiss, he shrugged me off and pointed to the TV. "I wanted to watch football," he said.

I waited a few weeks before trying again. We were falling asleep one night when I whispered into his shoulder blades, "I think we should have sex."

"How about tomorrow?" he shot back.

The next night, when I got to David's apartment after class, he handed me a huge box of chocolates.

"You didn't have to do that," I said, smiling.

David frowned.

"What?"

"I think we should wait," he said.

"You don't want to sleep with me?" I sank onto the couch.

"No, I do," he said, sitting next to me and patting my knee like I was his grandma. "But we're going to Florida in a couple of months. Why don't we wait until we're in a nice hotel room? It'll be more romantic that way."

I shook my head. I'd waited a long time to feel ready for sex. I wasn't about to give up now.

"Look," I said. "I know it might feel weird, or hurt me, or not last very long. But I don't care. I love you. I just want us to share the most intimate thing two people can experience." I looked up at David, hoping my Lionel Richie sentiments were hitting home. "Don't you want that, too?"

I'd waited a long time to feel ready for sex. I wasn't about to give up now.

He smiled. "I do. I'm sorry, I just got nervous."

I stroked his hand. "It'll be okay," I said.

I led him to the bedroom and we lay down and kissed for a long time. "Let's take this slowly," David said, unbuttoning my shirt. After about forty minutes of foreplay, he put on a condom and guided himself inside me. For a second it felt weird, and my muscles clenched, expecting pain. But it didn't hurt. It was wonderful. We lay there laughing, saying, "Why didn't we do this sooner?" and "We should do this again."

Then David started thrusting and I wasn't sure what to do. I tried to move in time but almost knocked myself out on his chin. So I wrapped my legs around his back and hung on as we wobbled and jerked, panting and laughing, talking about how good it felt. After about fifteen minutes, David's breathing sped up and he pushed my right hand between my legs, telling me to make sure I came, too.

Afterwards, we sat up in bed, holding hands, eating chocolates and drinking Coke from wine glasses. Neither of us could stop grinning. "So that was sex," I thought. Not such a big deal.

 

We're looking for stories about the first time you had sex. Email firsttime@nerve.com with 500-1000 words. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited.
FIRST TIMES
According to just about every pre-college advice manual, floorcest is a bad idea.
"So no, I didn't lose my virginity in the most traditional way."
"He looked like if Ian Somerhalder and Gerard Butler had somehow created a baby."

Commentarium (27 Comments)

Aug 30 11 - 12:07am
Huh.

I think this was the best one of these I've ever read. Very honest and cute.

Aug 30 11 - 12:58am
S.S.

This was unbelievably sweet.

Aug 30 11 - 1:26am
Hj

I awwwwwwed. I was fully prepared for a sad ending, too! If only all of us shy folk could be so lucky.

Aug 30 11 - 9:18am
JCF

That football remark had me laughing! You should have blown a whistle and thrown a flag....

Aug 31 11 - 9:47am
Fute Bawl

... except that since this is England, she really means 'soccer', and he should get a yellow card or something.

Aug 30 11 - 4:25pm
Bone

If a guy is the one doing the "convincing" then after it was over the girl could easily call it "unwanted sexual contact", and charge the guy with rape...just saying.

Aug 31 11 - 1:42am
well

You don't like women very much, do you?

Aug 31 11 - 7:15am
S.S.

@Bone: YOU are part of the problem.

Aug 31 11 - 10:33pm
Bone

Just saying if the story were told with the genders reversed then the guy would be labeled as a very bad person. Funny how when it's a GIRL who wants the sex, it's suddenly OK.

Sep 15 11 - 12:55am
shaun

shut up.

Aug 31 11 - 9:10am
Kenzo

Now on to the anal!!!

Aug 31 11 - 9:20am
Leah

fuck off.

Aug 31 11 - 4:34pm
Kenzo

What's wrong with anal. It's fun and feels good. Sheesh.

Sep 04 11 - 3:14am
Buttman

Yeah, whats wrong with anal ?

Aug 31 11 - 5:51pm
star

he should have sprayed in her mouth

Aug 31 11 - 10:19pm
alfieholic

City Angels definitely gets you laid!!

Sep 03 11 - 12:31am
am

awwwww! so sweet :)

Sep 06 11 - 1:04pm
carol_slmn

I sat at a coffee shop grinning like a moron throughout this one. It helped the coffee wake me up too.

Sep 14 11 - 4:58pm
KRK

21 year old virgin dude? no way. Lies!

Sep 27 11 - 11:48am
sss

I m older than him more than 10 years old. Sitting in a corner on this world, honest wt myself right now n know that it is not happy at all n feeling down. Give up to wait for my right guy and worry to get wounded by a jerk.

Sep 26 11 - 4:38pm
ds

He lasted 15 minutes? There's no way it was his first time too.

Oct 11 11 - 11:19am
Jessika

coke out of wine glasses. interesting...

Nov 10 11 - 3:52pm
9ice Dj

Itz amazin 4uck. Am one also!

Nov 10 11 - 3:52pm
9ice Dj

Itz amazin 4uck. Am one also! I need it.

Nov 21 11 - 4:01am
Krystalyn

Gee whiz, and I tuohhgt this would be hard to find out.

Nov 28 11 - 4:12am
dgdgreafd

That was so fucking adorable :D I want a relationship like this!

Feb 28 12 - 11:22am
peanut

o.o i was eating chocolate and coca cola while reading this o.o