Love & Sex

My First Time: Female, 20, Canada

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Female, 20, Canada 

It wasn't a spectacular moment in my life now that I look back, but it felt so important at the time. It had to be done a certain way. It couldn’t be rushed. I was seeing a guy from California online for a little over a year. Video chats every single night had us getting to know each other very quickly. “Hey, you still up?” I’d hear the chime and a warm, buttery thrill would run through me. After months of this, he finally gathered up the money to come and be with me for a week at my family's home just outside the city. 

My parents, especially my dad, are very traditional. I just remember how scared I was about liking him once we saw each other. I wanted that small cave of understanding we’d built with each other across the distance to translate to real life. I pictured him standing in my parent’s kitchen, fixing me eggs, asking me if I liked ketchup or salt. And, if I’m completely honest, I was hoping beyond hope that he would be as attractive in person as he was on screen so I could get rid of this stupid, overblown v-card. But at the time, I told myself I wanted him to be my first because I knew he cared a lot about me.  

He arrived at the airport that afternoon. I looked at him and immediately knew: there would be no attraction issue. By the next morning, I wasn’t a virgin anymore. We didn't have any trouble or hit any snags. I'd actually had two vibrators by the time I was 19 and had been well exposed to the world of getting myself off. There wasn't even any pain to make me feel shocked or gun shy. I just jumped right in. 

When we were done, he slept in the dank room in the basement, far away from where I slept. I often walked downstairs to wake him up, nudging his shoulder, climbing into bed with him, and wandering back to my room at the first glimpse of sunrise. We didn't stop for the whole week he was there with me.

Then my "mail-order boyfriend" went back home. It was odd because, after he left, I couldn't stop, and I promptly had sex with someone else a little over a month later. Then that guy and I broke up, and I went on a sex-having spree. A current ran through me. Every man I approached seemed to share this animal attraction with me. I think I was just waiting for my first time to happen with a nice guy, but now I realize that I didn't have to wait and spend that long year online to get the job done. That's all it ever felt like to me. I just wanted to get over the hump and not be a virgin anymore. Now I'm not. Yay?

Image via Flickr.