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October 12, 2010
My First Time
Illustration by Thomas Pitilli
Female • 20 years old • Upstate New York
The guy was my first boyfriend. We met before my senior year in high school. He was twenty-two and I was seventeen; this appealed to my badass, alternative sensibilities at the time. He was an artist, virgin, and chronic pot smoker who lived in an apartment above his mother's. Most of his days were spent constructing sculptures of bleached and glittered animal skeletons he had found in the woods, recording noise mixtapes, making his entire backyard into a freeform garden, and sewing himself clothing. I found him very intriguing, but wasn't sure how well I could handle his "personality" (insanity?). I decided that I was just being close-minded and needed to push myself.
He was an artist, virgin, and chronic pot smoker who lived in an apartment above his mother's...
Senior year ended and we still hadn't had sex, but had done most else. I was never very enthusiastic about any of it. I felt it was a chore that needed to be completed before I could move on in life. We decided to stay together when I went off to college, and I would call him every night before bed; we'd talk about his various conspiracy theories and fears. He was a sweet guy, but his life was going nowhere. He refused to get a job, but we had excellent communication and he was the most creative person I had met. I was starting to get annoyed, but stayed with him because I knew it would be even longer until I lost my virginity if I didn't just do it with him. My friends at college were all rooting for me every time I went home on the weekend. I was torn but decided it would be the better choice just to get it over with.
We would always plan to have sex when I was home, but then we'd end up putting it off with excuses like "I have a headache" or "We'll just do it when you're home for a month over Christmas." Eventually Christmas vacation rolled around, and then suddenly it was the last week and we still hadn't done it. The last few days of break, we scrambled to "get it in," but he had trouble keeping it up, probably due to my lack of excitement.
On St. Patrick's Day, we finally did it, though "it" was hardly anything. The dick was in good enough; I was super-relieved it was over. We high-fived multiple times. I mostly just wanted to tell my friends at school I had lost it. At the time I was very confused over whether I loved this guy or not. Now that I've had time to think, I don't think I did love him... and that's probably why it was such a hassle.
We're looking for stories about the first time you had sex. Email firsttime@nerve.com with 500-1000 words. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited.
We became friends right from the start. We found that we had the same cynical and sexual sense of humor.
"I can't tell you how glad I am that I never signed that 'True Love Waits' pledge."
"I had never planned to lose my virginity to a guy—let alone Rob. I planned to pretend to be straight for as long as possible."
Commentarium (13 Comments)
This was easily the worst My First Time of all time. It was almost as bad as Jane Lynch on SNL.
the guy, not the actual time or the relationship, shares a lot of similarities (except for the whole virgin thing, he was the opposite) to my first serious boyfriend/ guy i lost my v card to.
Awkward and unsatisfying. Just like in life, sometimes.
If all the My First Time articles were hot and sexy, I'd never believe any of them.
"He was twenty-two and I was seventeen; this appealed to my badass, alternative sensibilities at the time."
Does every single My First Time have to start like this? Seriously, it's like all of them. Also, the ending of this one: lame!
Man, people either complain that these are unsatisfying, or they complain that they're fake. I don't think the column's supposed to be an arousing read--more just a slice of life.
"we still hadn't had sex, but had done most else"
If you've done every thing else, then you've had sex
i usually really enjoy these, but this one was poorly written and just kind of....meh.
" was super-relieved it was over. We high-fived multiple times. I mostly just wanted to tell my friends at school I had lost it." When did virginity turn into such a burden?
@meh . . . I'm 44 years old, which means I lost my virginity almost 30 years ago, and i recall girls having the same attitude--not that I'm defending it, but I'm not sure the whole "I have to lose this awful virginity" thing is recent. My guy friends and I laugh now about how my teen female friends and I would scheme and plot about how we'd lure men into having sex with us with elaborate schemes. And we were all totally hot, for 15-year-old girls. Somehow, it never occurred to us that really, we could just walk up to virtually any guy and say, "Hi, would you like to have sex with me?".
"He refused to get a job" - how did he support himself, to say nothing of how he would support the 3 of them if he knocked her up? Why are women attracted to men of such limited means?
I agree with John Darc (3rd commentator) :)
Why would you high five after what sounds like such a nothing event? And it took until St. Patrick's Day to finally find time to knock it out? This all sounds like an attempt to create the dumbest ever "My First Time" column. I'm not falling for it.
at the age of 13,in a small town,girls down south had to live a nice life,to keep their respect,so,keeping company with older girls seemed safe.first it was kissing,petting,show me yours---I will show you mind---when I did,she talked to her girl friends,we had sex( I was so dumb)FOR 7 years,almost of the time,3--4 times ,they all loved me ( 69) WAS THE BEST.WHEN IT IS RIGHT--DO IT.