Love & Sex

My First Time: Male, 15, Washington DC

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Male, 15, Washington DC

At fifteen, I wasn't a normal teenager. I didn't rebel against my mom or turn to pot for release (although I did try it years later). I was clumsy, taller than most of the other kids, and was discovering that I was gay. My mom was my best friend (though I did have a small group of friends) and I had the biggest crush on my best male friend Rob. He was everything I wasn't: outgoing, athletic, popular (at least more than I was). He could make my heart race, palms sweat, feel nauseous and excited all at the same time just by smiling at me. Looking back, I realize that was the main reason I hated having him stay the night at my house. He was a great friend but I acted differently around him and I didn't want people to know yet that I was gay.

All of my friends had already had sex and were pressuring me to do the same. I didn't feel alone because Rob hadn't had sex yet either. I kept my homosexuality a secret because I was mainly scared of what would happen to me and my family. It seemed like it was a crime to be gay and a death sentence to be African American and gay. I had never planned to lose my virginity to a guy—let alone Rob. I planned to pretend to be straight for as long as possible.

"What are we doing?" I asked, terrified. "I'm about to fuck your brains out," he responded.

I was living in Newport News, Virginia with my aunt and uncle and visiting my mom back home in DC during spring break. Rob was staying the night. We played some Street Fighter Alpha 3 and ate pizza. We talked about how we were doing in school, what had changed since I left, why I left, and sex (after all, we were fifteen-year-old boys). After watching a few episodes of Jackass, we went and took showers (not at the same time). Then while I was sitting on my bed in my room, he walked in fully naked.

"Whoa, what are you doing?" I asked. I was shocked but couldn't look away.

"Relax—we have the same time man," he replied, unfazed.

I had never seen anyone naked before except in Playboy. He sat next to me and it took everything in my power not to jump on him. Then he took my hand and placed it on his cock and kissed me on the neck. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I let out a soft moan but quickly moved away. I freaked and laid down without a word. So many things were going through my head and body I didn't know what to do. He laid down beside me and started pushing up against me. Confused and excited at the same time, I pushed back. He turned me over and we started making out. "What are we doing?" I asked, terrified. "I'm about to fuck your brains out," he responded. I could feel his cock throbbing against me and mine felt like it was about to burst. "Wait, this is wrong. This is so wrooo—oh my god," I moaned as he kissed my neck and stroked my cock. I even think my toes curled.

He kissed his way down and proceeded to give me oral sex. I felt like I was going to heaven. Breathlessly I moaned and tried to push him away but he grabbed my hands and proceeded to move faster and faster. At that point, I decided to go with it. Then I went down on him. He moaned, groaned, and shook. "Damn, where did you learn how to do that?" he asked, breathing hard. "Instinct, I guess," I replied. The next thing I knew he was putting on a condom and lubing up. He told me to lie on my stomach and relax. I grabbed the pillow to drown out my moans and screams. I even bit his hand by accident because I was losing control. He didn't seem to mind though. Then I returned the favor. He moaned loudly and put scratches down my back, but I didn't care—I was caught in the moment.

He finished me off by giving me oral again and stroking me; I lost it and came. With that release, it felt like I let go of all the fears that I had. I finished him off the same way and he came. Afterwards we laid there in awe of what had just happened. That was sex? That was awesome. We laughed and did it two more times before we told our friends. They were excited for us and we told them all the details.

Looking back, I'm glad I lost it this way with my best friend than trying to lie to myself.