My First Time

Male • 20 • Honolulu, HI

Men are at their sexual peak at eighteen; I sometimes joke that no one will ever know how good I could have been.

I lost my virginity at the age of twenty in a room in the hotel where my mom worked. My guess is that my girlfriend did it because she thought she owed it to me, even though she had no interest in it any longer.

I didn't choose to stay a virgin until twenty. I went to an all-boys high school, and was somewhat shy, so I didn't mingle with girls much. Aside from a few kisses at parties, I hadn't had much experience at all. After high school, I grew my hair long, and started going to clubs and eventually DJ-ing and working at a record store. So I had an epically cool facade (working at a record store was the coolest thing you could do at the time) and no knowledge of how to make it work for me. The media often says that men are at their sexual peak at eighteen; I sometimes joke that no one will ever know how good I could have been.

I'd been dating Liz for a few months. At first she'd been a waitress at the club I went to all the time; later, she worked at the record store. She was a little older and had come from California. She became my first girlfriend. She gave me my first hit of E, introduced me to tequila poppers and Long Island iced teas, and will forever appear in my mind when I hear Van Morrison's "Into The Mystic."

Our dates had mostly been conversation and making out in my car. She knew I was a virgin. We had talked about sleeping together, but she said that she didn't want my first time to be in the car or with her roommate in the other room. 

One night, in a park across the street from the bar where we drank, I said something without thinking first. A thought crossed my mind, and I felt so comfortable with her that I said it out loud: I marveled at how different we were and wondered if we were just together out of convenience. The look on her face was a mixture of hurt and confusion, and although we didn't fight about it, I realized that I shouldn't have said it. 

A few days later she said that she needed to go home to San Fran for a little while. I suggested getting a room at the hotel so we could hang out together for the day before she left. My mom worked at the front desk and while I'm sure she suspected what was going on, I assured her that my girlfriend and I just wanted to have some time together since we didn't know exactly how long she'd be gone.

In the middle of the afternoon and in the space of a few minutes, I lost my virginity. My recollection of it now is that it wasn't very tender. What I remember most distinctly (and what overshadows the whole memory, I'm sure) is that when I was done, she didn't ask me how I felt. For all her previous concern about waiting to make my first time right, she barely said a word. 

She left the next day and I never saw or heard from her again. 

My sexual life since then has been somewhat similar — lots of great conversation and good making out, only to end up sleeping together once and never again.

We're looking for stories about the first time you had sex. Email firsttime@nerve.com with 500-1000 words. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited.
FIRST TIMES
According to just about every pre-college advice manual, floorcest is a bad idea.
"So no, I didn't lose my virginity in the most traditional way."
"He looked like if Ian Somerhalder and Gerard Butler had somehow created a baby."

Commentarium (24 Comments)

Apr 10 12 - 2:22am
mmm

Sweet potato fries this one is depressing. Thanks, anonymous male for totally harshing my buzz right now. Although I do find the detail of never seeing this girl again or hearing from her to be somewhat suspect. Casts a pallor of doubt over the entire proceedings.

Apr 10 12 - 3:39pm
J-Bones

You're an idiot who can't read between the lines (and apparently holds other people responsible for her own reactions to their writing). The woman he was dating probably felt conflicted about liking him and thinking he somehow wasn't good enough for her (too inexperienced, too young, whatever); this conflict was brought to a head by his blurted convenience comment and she fucked him to carve out a spot in his eternal memories.

Apr 11 12 - 3:43pm
EB

Cool it, J-Bones. Anyone who says "sweet potato fries" like that is most definitely an awesome person who does not deserve to be called an idiot. Rock on, mmm.

Apr 13 12 - 12:25am
mmm

Thanks, EB. Also, J-Bones, way to read into this! You're excellent at projection!

Apr 25 12 - 8:08am
Thomas

@mmm: pallor: an unhealthy pale appearance.

Apr 10 12 - 4:07am
Waianae Bangah

brah no way dis guy from st. louis bcuz he one nani. he from gaymien wit all da mahus.

he steh shy since he like BOTO

Jun 22 12 - 1:27am
Translator

For those of you who have a hard time understanding this:
" Bro, there is no way this guy is from St. Louis (private school in Hawai'i) because he is a girl. He is from Damien (private school in Hawai'i) with all of the gays. He is shy because he like penis.

Jul 03 12 - 10:00pm
MP

Thank you, translator! I was a tad confused.

Sep 12 12 - 3:15pm
Sommer

Translator, you are awesome.

Apr 10 12 - 4:58am
Papolo Jack

When he said all boys school I instantly thought St. Louis. A lot of twenty something Mainlanders come to Hawaii expecting paradise but only last here a few months before high tailing it back to where ever they came from. Local culture is macho heavy and will chew you up if you can't handle it.

Apr 10 12 - 8:50am
LV

Maybe she was not tender because he was a just kind of a dick to her by blurting out that almost-break-up sentence but then not expecting it to affect anything?

Apr 10 12 - 11:34am
Indy

Maybe he should hide his feelings and keep everything internal. I hear that is also what women like.

Apr 10 12 - 2:23pm
cjp

Oh Noooo mahn! Deees stoory eeese soooo deeeeeprising dat I dont whan to heeer eet no mo.

Apr 10 12 - 3:41pm
z

small weiner.

Apr 11 12 - 3:46pm
EB

The picture for this one is really something of an erotic optical illusion. Me like.

Jul 03 12 - 10:02pm
MP

Glad I'm not the only one who saw that!

Apr 11 12 - 4:58pm
Point of Order

Why is Jar Jar Binks posting on Nerve?

Apr 15 12 - 8:19pm
sara

I just snarfed my beverage.

Apr 13 12 - 1:39am
jazz

"No one will ever know how good I could have been" made me laugh a lot. Not the mean, 'YEAH RIGHT' kind of laugh, but a genuine this-is-funny chuckle. Nice work.

Apr 15 12 - 7:41pm
theguy

Wow. Nice to know that even Nerve isn't exempt from ignorant comments...I thought that was restricted to youtube videos. Eh, Waianae Bangah, don't let your braddahs find out you're hanging out here or you'll get your moke card taken away. Oh, and z your mom is calling you down to dinner.

Apr 16 12 - 4:11am
Waianae Bangah

No tell Kimo cuz I no how fo read small kine. Waianae hi skool neva had enuff books so I try read da articles from nerve li dat. It wuz jus circumstance dat i cam across dis story bcuz i wuz tinking back in da hanabata dayz wen i first saw da meanest bean from dis one honeygirl. u no wat? Buggah wuz MEAN! u no my comment wuz good fun.

but if u like scrap, i can also do dat. i bring da tundah and litening brah! DA ONE-TWO!

Jun 25 12 - 7:05pm
pwest

Translation necessary

Jun 11 12 - 10:46pm
kamal

i love for first time sex

Jun 11 12 - 10:47pm
kamal

i love for first time sex