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November 22, 2011
My First Time
Female • 18 • Ireland
I met this tall, dark, and handsome guy in a club. I was attracted to him right away, because he didn't just try to grope me on the dance-floor — he walked up and told me I was good-looking. I laughed him off, but he insisted, and I called him a empty charmer, but we ended up dancing and grinning at each other.
I'd been in college for a few months, and I'd had little success with guys. Most just asked if they could go back to my place. I thought I wasn't ready for that. I kept turning them down, but found myself getting more and more curious about sex. And this guy was sweet. He complimented me and talked to me, seeming genuinely interested in me. He took my number, and after we went out a few times, I was really falling for him. Then the last day of term came, and I had this strange feeling that if I didn't close the deal, he'd have lost interest when I returned after Christmas. I invited him back to my place.
By the time he arrived, I'd changed my mind. I was drunk. I didn't want to go through with it anymore. I slipped on an over-sized tee and handed him one to sleep in, and he just looked confused. But after all my wondering about sex, I couldn't back out. I was standing close to him, trying to figure out what to do, or how to go about it, and then it was like a switch in my brain flipped and I just knew.
It was a bit rough, and strange, and painful. It wasn't fun. It wasn't special. I think he was too drunk to really get anywhere. Still, falling asleep beside him was magical. I felt that after years of feeling inadequate and unattractive I'd finally got rid of that lost-little-girl feeling I could never seem to shake.
In the morning we kissed and talked. He seemed distant as he got ready to leave, tottering around looking for his socks and letting me carry on the conversation. I put it down to tiredness, and trailed him around the flat in my Guinness tee, feeling weirdly brittle. Washing and dressing after he left, I felt tired and a little ill. The feeling of elation was gone, and I was scared.
I texted him to ask him if he'd checked the condom. I expected him to be weirded out, but he replied saying he had, not to worry, and wishing me a merry Christmas. Reassured, I convinced myself that we could survive the month apart and he wasn't just in it for sex. Still, my head was buzzing, and I cried a little on the bus home, then tried to avoid my parents as if they'd have some strange parental sixth sense and just know. (I don't think I felt quite right until I got to have the I-just-got-my-period victory dance.)
He didn't text me all through Christmas. He didn't text me when term restarted. Finally I bucked up the courage to initiate it, sending him a casual text. He replied civilly enough saying that he wasn't out that night, but to have fun.
Later that night, I saw him on the street. I stopped breathing. Our eyes met. His mouth dropped open and he turned on his heel and hurried off.
I was shocked. I didn't understand. I said "Fuck him anyway" to my friends, laughing, and went home to my flat. But as soon as I was in the door, I collapsed sobbing. I hadn't told anyone we'd had sex. I couldn't tell anyone how I now felt. I couldn't bring myself to sleep in my bed, so I ended up on the couch.
Had I done something wrong? Was I a freak? Was I terribly and incurably awful in the sack, destined to end up in a semi-detached city house with three dozen cats and a parrot for conversation? I felt so insecure for weeks, and soon developed a reputation for drunkenly spouting the mantra "I am a strong, independent lady who does not need a man to make me happy or even to open jam-jars — so there." Eventually, I came to believe it.
Tags
First-Time Sex
Commentarium (41 Comments)
Is it just me or does the guy in this story seem like a tool?
Seem like? That dude was a tool.
Both the guy AND the girl seem like tools.
The girl is young and inexperienced.
She is sending conflicting & confusing signals
("come stay the night ... here's a T-shirt go sleep on the couch")
because she doesn't know what she wants.
The guy also is young and inexperienced & doesn't know what he wants either
... but finds out that it's definitely not this girl.
So what.
Live & learn .... that's what youth is for.
We just relate to the girl more easily because she's the one telling the story.
Love this one. Seems real, raw- and very Irish in temperament. My wife is Irish, from Cork. Can imagine her narrating this story.
I wonder how old the OP is now...
Really enjoyed this story especially for telling the sad truth. The guy was a complete dick and everyone deserves better than that
all men from clubs are like this. they are just hunting a vagina for the night and not a girlfriend. dont take that shit seriously
wow, you really know everything. I met 4 of my 4 long term boyfriends (we are talking years) in a club. dont be a know it all. no one wants to shag a know it all.
I always hated the "I don't date guys from the club" logic. I mean, I am a reasonably bright, reasonably decent dude at a club--can't I meet someone the same (or better!) out for a night of fun with friends? Young people go to clubs/bars to have fun--it's a high density of the right age group at the very least. I met my wife of 5 years in a bar. It's been amazing ever since.
I may be the rare lad but I go to a club to dance, drink, have fun, and hooking up is a distant priority. If it happens it happens naturally. I don't hit on women, I let them approach me.
Excellent, reminded me what idiots most guys were at college.
It reminded me of how slutty girls are in college.
And the guy in the story is not "slutty" because...?
Where did the guy's intelligence come into play? He put out the bare minimum effort to blow her off. He clearly wasn't impressed with her, and she couldn't take a hint.
True, it's not his intelligence. More a lack of decency. He dates a girl a few times, takes her virginity, and then doesn't even have the courage to acknowledge her existence when they meet in the street.
Jaysus ... (had to put that in to confirm my Irishness) ....takes me right back to the University of Limerick, late 80s..... (terrible University..... all exams questions had to be answered in 5 line rhyming stanzas)..... on the shift at 2am after drinking 3 Southern Comforts and Lemonade..... Life does indeed get a whole lot better....
" the I-just-got-my-period victory dance"
I know that feeling!
Naw, just young. And it sounds like there was a supreme lack of communication, which is also a consequence of being young. We just don't know how to talk, really talk, on that real level. We can learn it, but it's so rare. Sexist as this sounds, too, guys truly don't get that additional layer of sensitivity until a bit later, with a bit more experience. How can they, with all that testosterone screaming through them? So, no. The guy doesn't sound like a tool, he sounds like a guy. The young woman sounds like a nervous young woman. So much could have been accomplished if they had known, instinctively, how to talk to one another, opened up about their fears and expectations and desires. But if it doesn't kill you, you learn from it. I wish both continued growth.
Believe me, I have been there as the guy. You're both too inexperienced to know how to behave, so you put on a face, a facade, and pretend to be cool and worldly. If I may offer some advice, borne of years of experience: drop the act, be whoever you truly feel, be honest, tell him exactly what you are feeling and ask him to do the same. Not in a neurotic way; just sensitively and quietly. If he doesn't respond in a warm and understanding manner, let him go (slowly, gently) and move on until you find one who does. Then grow with him, reveling in the luxury of living life with feeling. You'll get there, I promise; and you'll enjoy it all the more for doing it honestly, even if it hurts occasionally.
And you had safe sex - well done.
This story kind of broke my heart because I've been there. Not with a guy I met at a club, but a guy I was seeing casually. I was 19 and tired of being the last of my friends to still be a virgin, and slept with him one day without telling him it was my first time until afterwards. He asked, "So why did you choose me?" I answered honestly, "I just wanted to get it over with." After that I desperately tried to turn it into a relationship because it seemed like the thing to do, but he was awful as a boyfriend and it eventually blew up in my face. I wish I could reach back and slap my younger self, but it's too late. So count your blessings that the guy blew you off quickly and didn't jerk you around; it would've been far more heartbreaking for you in the long run if he'd stuck around out of a misplaced sense of guilt/obligation.
comforting to know she had a similar experience to me. luckily i had the satisfaction of telling him he was an asshole after he avoided me for a month afterwards. the scars were only temporary and made me a smarter woman for it, though it took a little while to get there. i thought i was smarter than that to begin with, but sometimes you trick yourself into thinking something means more than it does...especially when he tells you it means more than it does. that never helps.
add a couple years and put it in america, and that was my first time as well. "weirdly brittle" is perfect.
Wow, great story. I really can relate to it.
Loved that the story continued on for a while after the act itself, though. Very uncommon for this Nerve series and I thought it worked really well.
she should have eatten some of his sperm
yeah, because she totally wanted to do that her first time.
Love how the Irish come out enforce whenever something Irish comes up on nerve...:)
i don't really see how this guy was a tool. except for at the end maybe when he wouldn't talk to her, but he seemed nice enough? he never told her or led her to believe he was interested in a relationship, so i don't know why she was expecting that.
Yeah baby. Bang and run. That's the way.
That dude was awesome! He tore that shit up, and hit the road. My hero.
What a nerd you are.
Too bad you have no girlfriend.
Haha
I can't believe I wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this story.
unnecessary comment
Its funny because the same thing happen to me but I knew the guy for 2 years, I felt lost and confuse. I wasn't looking for anything serious, I wish he had been civil and told me that he didn't want to continue after that and wanted to date this girl after that. I would of understand I'm a big girl (still would of been sad/piss but at least I could say he was honest with me and he wasn't) doesn't matter people will hurt people and everybody hurts inside that's just the way life is... just on to richer newer experiences.
When you do not value yourself, how do you expect anyone else?
these stories are all fake.
To me, both the guy and the girl in this story seem like tools.
Her excuse for being a tool (back then) is that she was young and inexperienced.
We don't get to hear his excuse because he's not the one telling the story,
but I imagine it's pretty similar.
He's just not that into you, luv. Move on.
That guy was a sluuutt.
She did this for the wrong reason.
If you have sex just to keep someone interested....they aren't, not in you, just the sex.
My gf was a virgin for almost seven months of dating, she told me upfront and i was willing to wait.
My advice for virgins...the second date is the time to tell your man that yes, you're a virgin, and if he's looking for just a hookup you'll pass. It really is important to let men know what you're looking for in your first sexual experience and who. A good man who cares about you, not your virginity or in just a hook up.
Fucking assholes, all of you. Have some compassion for the poor girl. I remember feeling the same way after an awkward, drunken hookup during my first year of college.