My First Time

My First Time: Female, 23, United Kingdom

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Growing up my mum had always said to me, “Don’t worry, maybe you’ll find a guy who doesn’t mind being with a fat girl,” and that’s pretty much the same mentality that’s stayed with me all my life — take what you can get and don’t ask for anything more. Losing my virginity, it was never about finding the right guy; it was about finding any guy.

I guess I should say that I did have a boyfriend for 4 years from the age of 18 but we never had sex. It was down to a combination of nerves (he couldn’t keep it up, no matter what we did) and my depression (that reared its ugly head when I turned 20, so I never had to urge to have sex anyway). It really came as no surprise to me when he cheated on me and left me for the girl he’d been seeing behind my back. I just naturally thought he now no longer wanted to “be with a fat girl”.

So I guess I should really get on to how I finally lost my virginity. For me, at the age of 22, the v-card was an albatross round my neck that I couldn’t wait to get rid of but constantly haunted me. I couldn’t tell my closest friends because then I’d have to reveal I hadn’t had sex despite being in a relationship for 4 years and to me, that would be plain embarrassing. I couldn’t even get my boyfriend hard after all. Then I’d have to explain the same thing to any guy I was with too, but it’s not like I had guys knocking down my door.

The guy in question had been a friend for a year or thereabouts and we’d always had a bit of flirty banter. I was hesitant because of well, you know, virginity. I was out with friends one night and so was he and and I just thought “fuck it” and went home with him.

I didn’t find him particularly attractive but it’s not like I was fighting men off with a stick either. I remember we started watching the film Hook in his bed, we started making out and it was playing throughout our “liaison.” I was surprised that it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would but there was blood. I just played it off as “damn, I must have just started my period.” Thankfully that didn’t stop him. I left early the next morning without waking him up and remember thinking on the journey home, “Yes! I’m not a fucking virgin any more!” and I couldn’t stop smiling.

To this day though, I still wonder if he bought my period excuse or not.