My First Time

My First Time: “I hope he never reads this.”

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Far from magical. It was a hot summer day in 2007. I think.

I was a junior in high school and my boyfriend was a sophomore. He was 6 foot 3 inches, so people actually thought I was younger. I was 5 feet 3 inches, have been ever since.

I texted him a few days earlier telling him I was ready. We had been giving each other oral for a while now; he actually asked if he could give me oral the first time we ever considered this.

His room was blue with teddy bear trim at the top of the walls, his floor was carpeted, and his bed was squeaky. I’m pretty sure that I lifted my legs over my head that first time. It was awesome, terrifying, and not really painful.

“He knew how to play with his hands.”

We did a lot of foreplay before and that literally makes me drip. So there was no friction, no blood. But one thing did happen — I didn’t know what it was when it happened, but I remember how I felt the first time having sex and squirting. I had been dating my boyfriend since I was a freshman, so we trusted each other, and he knew how to play with his hands. It was hot and sweaty.

He threw the condom under his bed and we got dressed and watched some Adult Swim. It wasn’t “magical.” I actually didn’t expect it to be. About a week or so after this, he became scared and told me we needed time apart. I was crushed. I was angry. I made that known in the hallways at school.

I started wearing all of my outfits that I knew would drive him wild. Eventually, we reconciled and the relationship lasted for 5 years before he dumped me again. This time it was 5 days before Christmas. It’s still weird between us and I hope he never reads this.

— Female, 23, United States