"It wasn't until we were already seated that I realized what The Sessions was– a biopic about a paralyzed man who has sex for the first time late in life with the help of a sex surrogate. "
Giant robots! Awkward teenage sex! Matt Damon's glimmering bald head! All cool blockbusters, but are any of them date-worthy? We'll leave that to Wiki-How. Nerve surveyed the locals to find out which movies not to show your date.
Casey, Software Developer, 25
On a first date I try to stay away from anything involving Christian Bale. If you take a girl on a date to a Christian Bale movie and then you sleep with her that night you know she'll just be thinking about him while you're having sex. On the other hand, if you want a really great unconventional first date movie, show the girl Andrei Rublev because if you watch it with a religious chick it shows her how stupid religion is and that she should just give me a blowjob and not worry about Jesus.
Kate Hakala, Nerve Author, 25
The most cringe-worthy movie I've seen on a date was Tabloid, a documentary about a woman who kidnaps and maybe rapes a Mormon man. As if that wasn't bad enough I was trying to rekindle stuff with an ex I hadn't seen in a while and there were no good pauses in the film to try to even hold hands.
Loreen, Teacher, 26
I made the mistake of going to see The Aviator with this lacrosse player in high school. And yes, that movie does include bottles of urine. And yes, my date did later turn out to be gay. [Ed. note: brutal.]
Johannah, Nerve Author, 23
I have two. In the first one, some guy on OKCupid asked me out and he seemed like a real catch. He worked for NPR, had good taste in music, and communicated through the correct internet lingo. (Ha ha ha I am so single.) He asked me to go to the matinee showing of a movie called The Sessions and although I am typically an astute and aggressive Googler I didn't bother doing my research before I agreed to this particular date. He ended up arriving on a skateboard and looked just slightly different from his online profile in the way I have come to discover is typical of OKCupid. It wasn't until we were already seated that I realized what The Sessions was– a biopic about a paralyzed man who has sex for the first time late in life with the help of a sex surrogate. Oh, and the deflowered protagonist dies at the end of the movie. It's The Diving Bell and the Butterfly meets American Pie. When he asked me to get coffee after the movie I lied — obviously –and said I had to get to work. Poor movie choice, skateboard bro.
In the second one I was on a date with a girl who had asked if I wanted to go to the next David Lynch screening at our local indie theater, which was running a series on the director. Unfortunately "the next David Lynch screening" turned out to be Blue Velvet. Ughhh. The clowns, the asthma masks, the horror.
Eddie, 34, Architect
Cruising, it's about an undercover cop who goes into New York's 1970s gay scene. It has a fisting scene starring Al Pacino. I am gay and Catholic. Need I go on? Actually, once I mentioned Cruising to some girl at a party completely mindless of the leather dungeon fist-a-thon and she called me on it. The ensuing conversation was awful, I think I felt worse about it than she did. Still wasn't as bad as actually watching that movie.
Theodore, 27, Designer
Invasion of the Bee Girls? I assume you already have Blue Velvet on that list. On the other hand, I think the movie choice doesn't actually matter. Once I had sex halfway through Teeth. That is the whole story pretty much unless you want me to describe the actual sex, and I don't think I'll do that.
Got unfortunate date-movie stories of your own? Share 'em in the comments.
Follow Johannah on Twitter @jjjjjjjjohannah