4. Ronald and Nancy Reagan

This is going to come as a bit of a shock, but Ronald Reagan was kind of a freak. Not only was he quite the swinger in the early days, but he's the only U.S. president to have been divorced, and Nancy was pregnant when the two got hitched. (And was allegedly a little freaky herself.) That said, once settled into domesticity, Ronnie settled hard. While it'd be easy to write off the marriage of the man many Republicans regard as the physical manifestation of their party as a sexless wasteland, Ronald and Nancy Reagan were known for their mutual devotion. The two were constantly seen holding hands and regularly wrote love letters to one another. When Reagan was hospitalized after his attempted assassination, Nancy slept with one of the president's shirts to be comforted by his scent. And if that doesn't convince you, Reagan called his wife "Mommy." That should be all the evidence anyone needs of some freaky stuff going on in the White House.

Sex Prognosis: Old-timey but regular
 

5. Richard and Pat Nixon

The relationship between Richard and Pat Nixon had a bit of a King Kong vibe going on. He was a loveless beast with monstrous jowls who loved her unconditionally. She was the embodiment of feminine beauty capable of bringing out the human emotion in him. And, like the monster gorilla before him, he too forced his woman into terrified submission by using her to sate his own primal desires. Despite being publicly fond of the wife he referred to as his "wild Irish gypsy," Nixon's political aspirations took precedent over his marriage. His priorities were a constant source of friction between the two. White House help allegedly once heard Pat tell Richard, "You have ruined my life." Marriage counselors everywhere agree: "You have ruined my life" = no sex.

Sex Prognosis: Like that part in Terminator 2 when the T-1000 gets frozen by liquid nitrogen
 

6. John and Jackie Kennedy

Here's a fun little experiment: type "JFK and" into Google and look at the first suggested search term. Is it "JFK and Jackie 4 Eva?" Is it "JFK and his unwavering commitment to his wife?" Is it "JFK and the sterling example he set for monogamists everywhere?" No, it's "JFK and Marilyn Monroe," only the most famous of Kennedy's many (and it is impossible to stress "many" too much) rumored extramarital affairs. It's common knowledge that he and Jackie had healthy sex lives, but whether or not they were with each other is another story. Man can not live off of pillbox hats alone.

Sex Prognosis: Nuclear... with other people

Want to find your First Lady (or First... Man?) Find them on Nerve.