Love & Sex

Please Advise: My boyfriend had sex with me while I was asleep.

Pin it

"Did we have sex last night?" "Well… one of us did."

Each week, the inbox of our venerable advice columnist, Miss Information, is flooded with queries. And although she makes a valiant effort, she can't answer them all. To deal with the surplus, we've decided to turn to you. So, don your spectacles and help this woman out — give her advice in the comments below.

Dear Nerve,

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We live together, and while our relationship isn't without problems, it's generally healthy. 

The other night, though, I got pretty drunk, and semi-foolishly decided to take my usual sleeping medication anyway. My boyfriend came in after me that night, but I didn't wake up for it. 

The next morning, though, I felt like I'd had sex. This obviously didn't jibe with the fact that I went to bed alone and un-fucked, so I asked my boyfriend about it. 

"Was I awake when you came in last night?" (I've had weird sleepwalking episodes on my sleeping medication before.)

"No."

"Did we have sex last night?"

"…Well, one of us did."

He laughed sheepishly and brushed it off with a half-hearted apology, but I'm pretty appalled. If I can't trust this person I've built a home and a life with while I'm asleep and defenseless, then how I can I trust him at all? Am I right to be making a big deal out of this? Should I bring it up again, and if/when I do, how can I explain this breach of trust to him?

— Sleeping Beauty

Have a question you think the Nerve Commentariat could help with? Send it to submissions@nerve.com with the subject line "Please Advise."