Love & Sex

Report Card: My Ex-Girlfriends Rate Me

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"Without turning this into a pornographic novel, that's all I have to say about that."

Upon telling my friends and family that I was sending out questionnaires to all my ex-­girlfriends and having them grade our relationship, I was met with the same general reactions: shock, laughter, awe, High Fidelity references. People asked me why I was being so masochistic. People asked me if I was fishing for compliments. When it comes down to it, I didn’t do it because I was curious. I’m not going through any major life crisis and, despite my love of attention, I’m not fishing for compliments. I write so much about my romances—my exes, girls I’ve crushed on, women I’ve looked at, one­-night stands—but it’s always only my point ­of ­view. I’m bored of my audience hearing only my side. Thus, I decided to do this article. I don’t agree with a lot of what was said: I know some of the girls are lying about certain events, I know details were embellished, and I’ll defend my awful tattoos ‘till I’m deader than disco.­­ But it’s not my place to edit the words of others. So, below are girls I’ve dated and how they think I measure up.

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